How should I handle having a lazy husband that won't help out on the house or anything but bills?

Question

And- I hate to admit this but bathing is something he is lazy about. He needs to take care of himself a little better and bathe more often...I cannot remember the last time he too a bath. I know it's grose but what do I do about that one too?

Sometimes I worry something is wrong with him mentally and I want to help him b/c I love him.

About a year after we moved in together he quit using his favorite cologne and showering. He know I LOVE the cologne too and really turned me on when he'd wear it. I keep hinting for him to wear it but be claims he forgot again.

I have a full time job. thank you. I lift A LOT at this job and is very tiring and I help pay the bills, clean after the animals and the whole 9 yards. We don't take breaks at me job. His job requires them. We only have a 15 min lunch. Our work is on the go and VERY, VERY tiring. I do like my job...however, I don't appreciate ppl getting on here making it sound as if I am the bum. Beleive me, I run myself ragged.

I am not a whiner. I ask for a little help in a nice manner and he promises he will help "tommoro" and that days comes and that "promise" turns in to days until I am crazy enough to give in and do it all by myself.

women just make sense ad ask for what is right.

Answer 1

Is he suffering from Depression? It can be a very real thing.Maybe you should look up some info on it.And see if you are noticing any of the symptoms.If that he's just lazy.Then that answers it self!

Answer 2

Kick his lazy and dirty butt out! Sleep in another bed, do only for you and keep track of what he doesn't do! Send him a bill monthly....(**)
On the other hand, maybe he is suffering from depression and doesn't know what to do. I think some men are too proud to admit they might have something wrong with them.
Another thought, some men still live in the dark ages and feel as long as they "bring home the bacon", they've done their job. If one feels comfortable, they will take things for granted.
I'm sure you've tried to get him to listen to you. Why not stop cleaning after him, don't do any laundry for him and maybe someone other than you, will say something. As a mom and a wife, sometimes opinions coming from another person, will be heard.
All of what I wrote is my opinion.
I was once married to a man who thought it was always the wife's job to do housework, cook, etc.
Good luck to you!
Maggie

Answer 3

Stop bailing him out, stop cleaning up after him, stop giving him sex, stop enabling him to be immature by yapping about his problems but never taking any action.

Make a simple list -

Shower daily for 2 weeks
Brush teeth daily for 2 weeks
Use antipersp/deodorant daily for 2 weeks
Fill & empty the dishwasher daily for 2 weeks
Take out the trash daily for 2 weeks
Put away 4 loads of laundry
Clean the toilets once a week for 2 weeks

(this list, notice, is used on most 9 year old boys)

NO SEX until he completes the list.

That's the only thing idiotic selfish immature little babies like him get. You keep giving it to him because you have no backbone.

If you REALLY want things to change, grow a spine and cut off his source of poontang and oral and he'll be whistling a new tune in no time.

But many women can't take action. Then can complain like an All-Star but they can't move their a$ses. As long as you keep giving him freebies and mothering him, he'll keep letting you.

Answer 4

I wonder how long you knew him before you married him. Wouldnt it be great if everyone had to read questions like yours before they could get married. I see so many similar ones. Either people do not really get to know their mates or else they completely change after marriage. Hmm.You do not want to be his mom I dont think. I would simply cease from saying anything. At least he IS paying the bills which is of crucial importance and at least he has a job so thats a plus. I would do subtle things like ' Oh dear I bought you a gift today-I just love this fragrance and was hoping you would too' and give him some after shave or soap gel or nice smelling shampoo. I think guys respond much nicer to sweetness (( Im not saying you arent justified but just trying to figure out a way to get him to take ashower. )

Answer 5

If he is paying the bills because he is working full time and you are not... it is your obligation to do the housework.
If he is only living from rents or investments, than he would have to help you in the house.

as for the bathing... well propose bathing together... make it a sexy occasion maybe, candle lights and some drinks maybe. than talk to him that you read how important bathing is for the skin and overall health and relaxation... maybe it will work. But if things don't improve and he does not make any amendments... dump the stinker lady.
good luck and I am sure you will be clever enough to solve this

Answer 6

Did you kow this before you married him? Was he always like this? Is he basically too lazy to shower? You could: do marriage counseling, talk to him about the way you feel, hire a house cleaner, refuse to have sex unless he showers and brushes his teeth, leave him till he shapes up which may not happen any time soon, and some one on here will say to shower with him. Not always an option, good luck.

Answer 7

If people behave badly around you, it is because you choose to tolerate such behavior. Basically, you "train" people how to behave around you.

Basically, he expects you to act like his mother. You need to teach him that his expectation are in error.Tell him straight out, If he wants to live in this house, he needs to help take care of it.

Stop cooking for him, stop cleaning up his messes. Stop doing his laundry. If he won't help with the dishes sometimes, don't let him use them. If there is some place you don't want him to make a mess of, don't let him go in there. As far as the personal hygiene goes, that's easy, don't let him touch you, kiss you, come near you, or even talk to you, unless he has taken a shower that day. Kick him out of the bedroom and make him sleep on the couch, until his personal habits improve.

It's OK to be an absolute B*I*T*C*H about this, as long as you are nice to him when he decides to act in a more civilized fashion. Make it clear that your goodwill towards him, depends entirely on his good behavior.

Good luck,
~W.O.M.B.A.T.

Answer 8

It sounds like there's more going on with him than just laziness. You mention that a year after you "moved in" with him, he stopped showering. At what point did you get married, or were you referring to a year after you two were married?

I would suggest a lot of counseling and prayer.

You can also try to split the tasks in the household, but you will have to be steadfast about not picking up the slack for him.

Best of luck!

Answer 9

If he won't bathe or help you that makes him EXTREMELY lazy and not worth your time or energy. My husband is lazy too and I've been burned at both ends. He's not going to change, so if you like being Hazel just keep talking to him and doing all of the work. Move on talking to them about their behavior is only maybe a temporary fix. Good luck.

Answer 10

Obviously, he is not catching on to your hints. Just tell him he needs to take a shower (tell him he isn't "fresh & clean" ) and as far as being lazy around the house. You may need to go on strike from a few chores to get his attention. As long as he knows you will take care / do it all, he has NO motivation to do anything himself. If he has some sort of mental issues, this may help bring it out so you'll know fer' sure. good luck.