I just got married and I decided to turn up our sex life. I decided to spice up our really boring sex life by surprised him with all
kinds of lingerie, sexy photos, games, suggestion cards, ect. Just to keep in fun and alive.....I have had them since the honeymoon and he has yet to open anything and when i suggest it he just shrugs his shoulders. I even took sexy photos of me in lingerie for our wedding for him and he just looked at them once and then never looked at them again.
The last straw was last night when i got all dressed up (stockings high heals, ect ect) and he was have watching tv instead of me. I'm not ugly and keep really good care of my body......but now its starting to take a toll on my self esteem and i'm tired of trying. I even resent him now. I know this isn't the answer but I have outlawed sex to "show him" because i don't know what else to do......any help would be appreciated
2007-11-10 08:35:20 · 13 answers · asked by MadKat 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He enjoys sex he just doesn't seem impressed with foreplay or anything like that AT ALL....
2007-11-10 08:41:09 · update #1
Why don't you start wearing stockings and a garter belt when you are going out without him, under your regular clothes. Like to the office, or on errands. Let him see you getting dressed and paying no attention to him.
My hubby loves me in stockings and grater belt and heels, but if he is preoccupied, and I put them on for him he is not only disinterested, but seems to be annoyed, But I I dress up for myself to go to work, or just out, he seems to be turned on and also a bit jealous,
2007-11-10 12:23:59 · answer #1 · answered by Courtney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you read what you have written, you will see a lot of "I....".
Remember, your marriage is both of you. You can not decide what he likes. It does not work that way. If he does not like to see you dressed like that, then he doesn't. Is that so bad?
The two of you got married and **you** decided to change something right away, day 1.
Think about it this way. Imagine you had been looking at a pair of black shoes you thought were really sexy, but could not afford them. Every time you went past the shoe store, you stopped in and looked at them and every time you thought they were even better and wanted them more. Finally the day comes and you buy them. You get home, open the box and the shoes inside are the same ones, only they are red, not black. You go back to the store and tell the guy working there you got the wrong shoes. He tells you he changed the black ones you picked out for the red ones because he thought they were more sexy.
Would you be OK with it or would you want the black shoes that you thought you were getting in the first place?
You were those black shoes to your husband, but you have changed yourself to red.
2007-11-10 16:32:03 · answer #2 · answered by Hubby . 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm- sounds like he has a bit of a problem. Is he active- play sports, exercise, walk???? If not, then try that subtle approach, start him and yourself on a regular routine. Try going bowling together, take a karate class, or a fitness class-- BUT DO IT TOGETHER !!! Sex and intimacy come from the mind, not the body. If you both are active with things that are enjoyable then maybe the fires will start burning and there will be fun and not tension in the relationship. Too much pressure to perform may be distracting him. Spice it up slowly, use erotica, literature, toys, etc. sparingly. Soon you can conquer your desire for a better sex life by instilling confidence in him and yourself by taking it slowly and gradually.
Read your first paragraph. It should be "we" instead of "I". Make sure that you are not forcing this type of sexual context onto him. There may be a reason that he doesn't respond. It could be that he really respects you, loves you, and doesn't see you as just a sex doll. That should be a compliment to you, he doesn't think of you as a slut, but a woman who he loves and respects. Communicate with him.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-11-10 08:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by troubled4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty much the same people all the time in this forum. You'll find asking a question repeatedly will rarely result in different answers. I believe the consensus yesterday was that you need to initiate. Even if you would prefer that he did. It clearly doesn't bother him as much as it bothers you. You need to save your own sex life. Do you really expect him to change after 20 years? EDIT: Holy crap you're right Trevor. This sure is a lot of crazy for such a simple solution. EDIT2: You said you met him when he was 25 and now he's 44. You said that he has always liked you to initiate. Why would he all of a sudden change?
2016-05-29 02:51:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Foreplay does not impress him because he is selfish and only in it for himself. Was he like this before you married him? I would not have married him had I known this. A boring sex life before makes for a more boring sex life after wards. If he was always like this I don't know how to change it other that to talk to him and tell him what you need. If that does not work you will have to decide if this is how you want to live your life. I personally could not. Since you have done all of this I am sure that he knows what you want. Now it the time to tell him and see what he does with this information. Good luck.
2007-11-10 08:52:54 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is definately something wrong with him to turn down a sexy woman wearing stockings, heels, ect! I don't think there is anything more you can do. Any other man would be puddy in your hands just by the pictures you had taken. I hate to say it, but he's either getting it somewhere else or he doesn't like women.
2007-11-12 01:50:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just isn't into the stuff that your are trying to do and maybe he's trying to give some hints by not responding. Believe me if thats the case I know where he is coming from. Some people don't need to have their sex life spiced up they are happy just the way things were. I just recently got married to and my husband is trying to do that to me.
2007-11-10 08:44:00 · answer #7 · answered by mama to be finally 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my husband. After years of trying I just gave up. It came to that point that I cheat it. In everyone's eyes I am the bad one. But indifference of our husbands can destroy even the sweetest relationship.
2007-11-10 08:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anderson 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hav eone of you rguy friends start hitting on you to make him jealous or tell him its time for sex, this is new for me i usually dont do married couples, but you might want to talk to a proffesional to get help or maybe you rushed into a marriage
2007-11-10 08:41:45 · answer #9 · answered by nightwolf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need help. you need me!
He is obviously distracted by work or money or something and that will affect a sex life badly. Don't give up! Find out whats going on in his head....
2007-11-10 08:39:08 · answer #10 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋