He shot and killed himself a year ago, and I wanted to do something on Tuesday to honor his memory, but I also want to avoid spending the day crying. There is no way for me to visit his grave. He was a very very good friend of mine, and I spent a lot of time with him the day before he killed himself and didn't know he was suicidal. I partly blame myself for missing the clues. The whole thing is such a mess that I feel like I'm afraid of this day. What can I do to feel better, while acknowledging him at the same time?
2007-11-10 06:47:18 · 22 answers · asked by Ravenclaw Alumni 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
First, let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Second, it's unfortunate that your friend chose suicide. It is a very permanent solution to very temporary problems and it takes with it more victims that the person who chose to end their life. I know, because my husband committed suicide and I carried it with me for a very long time.
A good friend helped me to get through this. Instead of focusing on how he died, we focused instead on how he lived and the wonderful ways in which he positively impacted so many people. For twenty years I have planted one tree per year in his honor so that long after I am gone, his memory will be providing shade and clean air for generations to come - comfort, if you will.
It is so unfortunate that you feel you should have known something or should have done something. Woulda, shoulda and coulda are three painful emotions that serve no purpose. Honor his memory by sharing the positive side of your friend with others. Find ways to honor their memory and celebrate the good times. Time does have a way of making it better if you make the decision to make it better too.
I wish you the very best and may I be the first wish you a happy day in celebrating the memory of a special friend. May God Bless.
2007-11-10 07:00:39 · answer #1 · answered by odechiro 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from someone who has lost friends and family by different means, most of them bad ways to. Do Not celebrate the anniversary of his death, there is no point. Instead celebrate his life every time you think of them. Everyday you think of them remember the good times. I don't know your religious beliefs but I believe the dearly departed can "see" or "visit" us. Do you think they want you to celebrate the day they died once a year? or rather celebrate the good times every time they are remembered? Also unless he told you it was you fault, Its Not.
2007-11-10 07:09:05 · answer #2 · answered by Bender Bending Rodriguez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend just a few moments honoring him with a ceremony with candles music and pictures. It doesn't have to be long or anything just so you know you have that sacred connection to fill the void that we all feel in times like these. Love is stronger than anything here on this Earth Mother and much faster too. Creator always be with you and Peace is on its way. I honor you for asking this beautiful question.
2007-11-10 06:54:15 · answer #3 · answered by rainbowmatrixs 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girl you cannot blame yourself for what happened it was not your fault. It's not like your physic or anything like that. (or at least I'm assuming your not). Something that would be nice to do is get a bunch of friends together and have dinner in his honor. Talk about the good times and give yourself time to heal. Remember it's okay to cry.
2007-11-10 06:54:59 · answer #4 · answered by Goaliegirl3333 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry for Ur lose
u can visit his family and take his younger brother or sister to a park {if he had} to make them pass that hard day or u can pass Ur day in helping poor people or any kind of useful social activities
that will make u better of course
or simply u can ask some of ur friends to pass the day
2007-11-10 07:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by Ahmed 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't just sit around and mourn his death because im sure you did that when he died. Do something to honor his death, do something that you guys did together or maybe something that he loved to do. Pray for him and let him know that you are still thinking about him and he is still in your thoughts. Pray for him everyday not just on his anniversary of his death. Otherwise continue with what you normally do but don't ever forget him. I'm very sorry for your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with you and for your friend.
2007-11-10 07:15:17 · answer #6 · answered by iloveyou6 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
'why don't you go to a place where the two of you use to go to and sit and think of all the good times you had together. don't blame yourself for not missing the clues you weren't to know. why cant you go to the grave?. i know it's hard my best friend died 4yrs ago with breast cancer and i find it hard to go to the grave.if there was a pub/restaurant you use to go to just go there on tuesday and have a drink a say this is for you(her name) and say happy days we had togethere.i hope you get through the day.it's hard but you'll get there. anyway he wouldn't want you to be sad he would want you to be happy.
2007-11-10 06:58:41 · answer #7 · answered by flower 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry for your loss. Is there any place which was special for the both of you or where you both had a good time. If so, you could visit it and sit there, say a prayer for him, or write him a letter and burry it there. remember goodtimes, not the bad and not the grief from this past year.
2007-11-10 06:56:57 · answer #8 · answered by Marlieke89 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You could say a prayer for him, then go about your day as usual. You could also buy something small that reminds you of him (maybe a small charm or token) and carry it with you through the day.
And do not blame yourself. It's easy to see "red flags" when all is said and done, but not that easy in the situation.
2007-11-10 06:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If i was in your situation, I would have some sort memorial prayer group. Make a slide show for the people to watch of him, and in the end, say a prayer. I hope you find this helpful. I am very sorry.
2007-11-10 06:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋