im 14 and my bf is 17, we have been together for 2 years..and he has told me MANY times that he wants me to have his baby, like now tho...he really wants a baby...he has the money to take care of a baby, and i seriously dont think he would leave me and if he did...i have my family who i know would help me...but we really want a baby, i know we shouldnt but we really want to...what should i do?
2007-11-10 06:05:03 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
As much as you want a child right now, you have to consider what kind of life the child would have if you decided to go ahead and have one. You should finish school so that if God forbide anything happened to your boyfriend or his income, you could provide for the family. You should also consider how it could affect you later in life. If you have plans for yourself, you have to realize that all of those plans are going to be put on hold for possibly 18 years. It isn't your family's responsibility to help you raise a child if for some reason your boyfriend does leave you. While I am sure they would be there for you, you have to take into consideration what all they would have to give up for you. Do you really want to put them through that?
There is also another major factor that you have to keep in mind. While the facts are harsh, it is a very real situation. Your boyfriend can go to jail. He is 17 and you are only 14. There are laws in every state against this. Even if you give consent, this is considered statutory rape. It is looked down upon in every court, and he could wind up with a very bad record (he would have to register as a sex offeneder no matter where he goes) if he is found guilty of this, and if you are pregnant, they will do a dna test and if he is the father, he will get in trouble.
Your question is what should you do. My answer to that question is please wait. For the sake of the child, you, your boyfriend, and your family, please wait. There will be a time for you to have children, but now is not the best time.
2007-11-10 06:17:24 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley S 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you go and find a friend or family member that has an infant and you two babysit for the weekend...the entire weekend and then see if you still want a baby right now. Do you enjoy your sleep? Well, you won't get much with a newborn. Do you like being able to eat your meal without having to get up and down checking on a baby? Do you really think you are ready to give up your freedom for a baby? Why don't you wait AT LEAST another 4 years, preferabbly longer and then decide whether or not to have a baby.
2007-11-10 06:10:49 · answer #2 · answered by Scooter_The_Squirrels_Wifey 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am 14 and have a 4 month old. Even though you really want one WAIT!!!! They are very hard work. You may not think he will leave you but there is a bigger possibility that he will leave you rather then stay with you. JUST WAIT!!!!
edit- There are many times that I struggle to take care of her. You may think it is easy but really it isn't easy at all. Also, if he did leave you, you said your family would help out. Do you mean financially? Well if thats what you mean then you shouldn't have a child until you are ready to financially support YOUR child. Yes, I am 14 with a baby and no I am not financially supporting my child but, I am only telling you this because that's the right thing to do.
2007-11-10 06:43:56 · answer #3 · answered by נєѕѕι¢α (ανα'ѕ мσмму) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is nothing unusual!...alot of teenagers do get pregnant...But you really have to think about whether its the right thing for you!?
firstly your 14 and hes 17...hes bound to expect different things in a relationship! you say he has enough money to pay for a baby...its not the money which counts...you need to be able to give it a stable home!...it DOES matter if you split up, its a persons life your talking about...surely a baby would prefer a mum and a dad rather than just a mum!
You have so much of your life ahead of you, you are at a vital stage in your education and by having a baby now you will ruin your chances to get far in life because you wont be educated enough to get a job!
I think you should just leave things until you are out of education!...you can still have your baby but it will be at a more suitable time!
Its difficult for teenagers with babies and the relationships often dont work out! your taste in guys will probably change between now and your late twenties!
2007-11-10 07:38:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey you need to wait. Even though the idea sounds appealing right now, think of the long term.
For just a second let's forget about the logistics of raising a baby at your age.....having a baby at your age is not a healthy choice for you or your baby. Babies born to such young women are likely to be premature, underweight, and have complications both health-wise and developmentally.
Do you truly understand what a baby costs? Do you know how much diapers cost, formula? Honestly, you can easily spend hundreds of dollars a month on those two things alone. What about rent, utilities, food, gas money? Try writing out a real budget. Don't guess at what rent costs, look it up on an apartment rental site. Don't guess at what utilities cost, ask your parents how much they pay every month.
Having a baby will make it difficult for you to finish school, even if your family is willing to help out. You won't have time to go out with your friends. Won't your kid be better off if you can finish high school?
If you believe that your family is completely supportive, talk to them about it. I feel pretty confident that they will tell you the same things.
Obviously, some people make it work. Some people have children in their teens and they do okay. But young couples have a very high break up rate, even without a kid in the mix. When I was your age I was already in a long-term relationship, too. But guess what? After 3 years together we broke up.
You already said you know you shouldn't so don't! If your boyfriend loves you he will wait for you. If you know you are not ready to have kids, you really shouldn't be having sex. If you and your boyfriend havea solid relationship you will be able to cut sex out of the picture until you are ready. If you think the relationship is strong enough to last then don't you think it's strong enough to wait until you are ready?
Talk to your family, talk to your doctor, and talk to your boyfriend. You have a lot of life in front of you. Learn who you are, who you want to be.
2007-11-10 07:09:03 · answer #5 · answered by Shelly J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are feeling but I'd have to say that you shouldn't try to have a baby. I was 16 when I first got pregnant and my ex said he loved me and I truly believed him and when I told him I was, he was happy. A month later, he left and I was broken-hearted. It has been 11 years since then and he never has any contact with my son. You are 14, take your time because you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Having a baby makes you have to grow up that much faster and you should enjoy the time alone with your b/f because once the baby come, that won't happen much! I hope I've been of some help!!
2007-11-10 06:13:35 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer A 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I just had a baby, and wow, this is a big job. Waking up late at night to give the baby the bottle, waking up and not knowing for sure what it is he wants. It's pretty frustrating, and honestly i dont regret it, but then again, i am 21 yrs old and my husband is 22. But honestly, don't do it at your age, you have so much to do as a teen, you have so much growing up to do. My cousin had her baby at the age of 15 and she is so careless of the baby. She always wants to go out, but cant because she has her responsibilities at home with her baby. Sometimes she even takes it out on the child, because she cant go out..she tends to get mad at him for being a child. Shes already 18..so the baby is now 2...but she cant live her life without having to care for her child..so really think about it..ur too young..
2007-11-10 06:16:31 · answer #7 · answered by iamme 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
wait until you are older. You have no idea how hard it will be to take care of a baby while you are still a child yourself. Even though you think this guy is the one for you, he probablly isn't. I had a baby when I was 16 with someone I thought would never leave me, and he left me 2 months after we had the baby. We were together for 3 years... I had to quit school, I had to get a job, and I had to grow up way too fast. You don't realize it right now, but these are the best times of yoru life. You don't have anything to worry about besides yourself, please enjoy that & wait until you finish school before you have a child. Please Please Please! Having kids is very difficult, ESPECIALLY when you are so young.
2007-11-10 06:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by trista 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby isnt about making yourself happy. You have kids because you're committed to them for life, and because you want to further the next generation.
Theres more to consider than whether or not he and you want one. You're still kids and no matter what you've been through, or how adult you think you are, you're not. You cannot replace experience with assumption, and you cannot get experience except by the passing of years.
Neither of you are adults, and if he were and adult he would be tried for rape. He's not allowed to enter into a binding agreement yet. He's not old enough to get a real job. He might be able to pay for things now, but some day he's going to have rent (for a real apartment, with enough space, and in a nice place for the baby) a car (babies have to get to the doctors, to school, and everywhere else) food, heat, electric, gas, water, and then your needs, his needs, and the baby's ever growing needs. Not to mention that school costs money, health care costs money, (he cant even get health care yet, not until he's 18, and he cant get it for you while you're pregnant, you're a minor.)
What you need to do it be committed to growing up, getting married, buying a house, and getting ready to provide that baby with all its going to take to grow and mature for the next 18+ years.
Dont be stupid.
2007-11-10 06:10:59 · answer #9 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
he may be able to financially care for a baby and you both may be very mature / stable sort of young people ... but understand that YOU want need to be able to financially care and be ready for a baby.
no one thinks of their health or accidents but deaths can happen and if that happens are you and child prepared . divorces can change picture . a child is a huge undertaking not to be considered likely.
i honestly think you know the answer to this ... you need to trust yourself and your decision . I believe this is a good time to sit it out , you have plenty of time to deal with the hassles of parenthood and rewards . lol . but you honestly should enjoy each other a bit more .
marriage is usually a good think to have in place before the baby is born . have your educational goals / careers out of the way. plan a wedding and get yourself a really , really nice trip / honeymoon. once you have the child .. vacations will never be as romantic / time for a couple to relax completely and enjoy each other. honeymoon is a very special time and marriage is not an easy thing to sustain . trust me , as an older lady , you are going to NEED to have the good memories of a honeymoon to get through some of the rough spots that are going to happen to ANY couple.
being a younger women , your body can reproduce of course, but younger women have lower birth weight babies / more complications that say 18 to twentysomethings.
trust that little voice you hear ... it won't usually steer you wrong. consult a counselor , preist , doctor , someone you trust to help you plan and weight the issues.
2007-11-10 06:18:51 · answer #10 · answered by Mildred S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋