OK so here is the deal I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. Last Christmas I wanted to surprise him by decorating his house for Christmas. So I put up his tree and some garland around the stairs and stockings with our names. And he totally freaked out and told me he hated Christmas and didn't want me to decorate. So needless to say I was hurt and pissed at the same time so I took everything down except the tree because that was too much work. We did wind up having a wonderful Christmas though besides all that.
So when I start mentioning me decorating this year he again gets weird and says I have to do all of it and he wants nothing to do with it. Which is fine but I still feel like he doesn't want it. And I love Christmas and decorating. He recently asked me to move in and I want to but I don't want to feel like I'm walking on egg shells in his house which then would be ours. I guess I am just confused I don't understand how anyone could hate Christmas so much?!?! HELP!
2007-11-10 04:41:18 · 14 answers · asked by Blomgirl13 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Christmas
When I was a kid i loved Christmas, as I got into my 20s I hated it. Naturally, the girl I lived with loved it and tried to make it festive in our home, like you have.
I didn't know then why it botherd me so much and I can't say for certain why your boyfriend hates it, but in retrospect I can see a great deal of contributing factors that may, or may not be significant in your case.
First off Chistmas marks the coming of the end of the year for most people.
Things that may have been planned to be completed, are not always done. There is a general "rushing around" that takes place (both physiclly and mentaly) to complete these goals, plans, etc, that NOW must also take into account the ADDITIONAL tasks and responsibilities and obligations that come along with the holiday season (family get togethers, shopping, trying to figure out what to get for that special someone who has not made it abundantly clear, and G-D knows what else).
Not to mention the finacial component involved (which looms over every guy's head, however much $$ he makes)
Some people simply resent the commercialism that corporate America has made Christmas such a focus of.
Then there is always the possibility of some "traumatic event" that may have taken place around the holiday season (ie. a breakup, death of friend, or family member.)
Although, I dont "hate" the holiday anymore myself and try to make it as special a time for those who seem to enjoy it around me (aka the women in my life) I still resent the fact that as soon as Nov 1st rolls in you dont seem to hear anything other than "Chistmas is coming, Chistmas is coming!" (Bla!)
My advice is to simply set up the tree and stockings (unbeknownst to him) as close to the actual date as possible and don't make a lot of fuss about it before then.
See if he brings it up and act casual if he does. You could respond with, "Well since it upset you so much last year I thought..."
Secretly somewhere in there, your guy loves Christmas and is depending on you to make it special for him again, like it may have been once before.
Good luck &
Happy Holidays!
2007-11-10 05:44:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He must be related to Scrooge, lol. Um Im not sure really..mabe since yall have been together for some time...why cant you just ask him whats the big deal? Maybe something bad happened during that time when he was young. Who knows....probably a deeper issue than you think. Just meet in the middle and work at it slow. Like tell him since he hates it and you love it....agree on certain things you can do. Then if yall are still together next year then try to add more to it.
2007-11-10 04:50:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel long term unfortunately the differences you two have could lead to issues that may be harmful to your relationship. It sounds like the reasons as to his dislike of holiday decor need to be brought to attention. He needs to let you in on why he dislikes it so much. Why should you not be able to enjoy what you like and are familiar with at the holidays? Even if he doesn't personally care for it, he should not make you take these things down knowing you do enjoy them. When we love someone, we give in to things that by ourselves would rather not do. He needs to talk to you. Is it his religion or is his dislike based on something that occurred to him during the holidays? Does he do this when birthday or other party decorations go up? Please get to the point of his reasoning or you will be disappointed for the remainder of your relationship.
2007-11-14 04:15:09 · answer #3 · answered by Penny D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is an issue you will deal with every single Christmas. You have to decide if this is a fight you want- or not.
Personally I would not move in with him, I would tell him that if he wanted me to live with him, he had to marry me first. The fact that he would want you to live with him without marrying you first shows a total lack of respect on his part.
If you have to walk on egg shells around him, then you may have to just give up your Christmas decorating and celebrations to make him happy. He is not going to change that part of him no matter how you love him. You need to decide if that is something you can live with for the rest of your life or not. These things are important. You may end up being miserable at Christmas time. If you can't deal with that, then you need to find someone who is not so touchy about Christmas. Us women think that we can change men if we love them enough. Instead of finding us men with the qualities we like we tend to find the ones with qualities we hate and then spend our lives tryign to make them who we want them to be and that is extremely unfair to them. We either have to accept who they are or, if we can't we have to move on.
I'm not an expert- but I bet your problems go deeper than just this one.
2007-11-10 05:01:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ask him why he hates it? I love Christmas! It's the best time of year so I can't agree with him!
2007-11-10 07:49:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something you need to talk to him about, not us. He obviously has some issues with either the holiday itself or the pageantry. If you can't discuss this with him to learn more about his severe dislike, then you aren't ready to move in together. What else don't you know about each other because you can't discuss your issues?
2007-11-10 04:45:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should visit stocking store.com and get a little Christmas outfit to wear while you decorate and he will change his mind. Most guys would, after seeing them.
2007-11-13 01:30:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Might if something bad had something to do with Christmas once for him? Good luck. :)
2007-11-10 06:06:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him about it, ask him why he dislikes christmas and tell him how you feel about the incident last year. try to work it out, and see if you can get to the bottom of it.
2007-11-10 05:11:58 · answer #9 · answered by megan f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, unless there is something in his past that makes him hate it or sounds like scared of it, if it is that important to you (which it is to me) talk to him!! IF it is ALWAYS going to be an issue you have to really think if you are going to want a potential husband and father to act like this always around you and children...
2007-11-10 04:55:29 · answer #10 · answered by JessHM 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋