What would you do if your childs headteacher said this.?

Question

On Parents evening the teacher informed me that my son was working below National expectations in writing. This surprised me as I had previously been told that at the end of foundation, my son was achieving beyond National expectations. This judgement was confirmed in his end of year report. As time was very limited during parent’s evenings, I arranged a follow up meeting the following day.

The purpose of the meeting was for me to clarify my understanding of my son's level of achievement, so that we might support the school in achieving his challenging target.

When I arrived as arranged, I was taken to the head teacher’s office

Once the meeting had started Iwas told by the new Headteacher that” He was going to speak and I was going to listen"
He said"I think you are a bully, you come into school from time to time to terrorise my staff to make yourself feel better” In two years I have been into school just twice and never to complain?
Is this how Headteachers usually behave

Sorry not sure if I was clear here,this was a meeting with the teacher,I was not confrontational,The head just went off on one when expressed my concern over what they were saying about my child who I had been told 3 months ago was above average.They told me this in July.I am now confused,scared and upset.Should I take my 5 year old out of the school?

Answer 1

There is something odd about this. Is there something else to the story? What happened really doesn't make sense.

Answer 2

As a teacher I think that's appalling, even if you were the most aggressive and frustrating parent on the planet common courtesy would stop me telling you that. Your child's headteacher was totally inappropriate and you were completely within your rights to request a further meeting with your child's teacher having recieved the kind of shocking and worrying news that you had.

If a teacher is worried about a meeting with parents, that it may be uncomfortable or that they simply will be unable (normally because they are quite junior within the school) to give you the answers you require they can arrange to have another more senior member of staff present at the meeting, to mediate.

Perhaps the head confused you with another parent they had been told about if they are new, but this is still no excuse, I would complain to the goveners or the LEA personally, but make sure that you are very calm and reasonable about it as otherwise they'll turn it back on you and say 'see I was totally justified in my accusations'.

It is the heads job to protect their teachers but also to create a good relationship with the parents.

The next step in terms of your son is probably to get him assessed outside of school by an educational psychologist, if he really has dropped so far so quickly perhaps he has dyslexia or something? You will obviously feel uncomfortable trying to go back into the school to talk to the teachers, you can also do your own assessment at home by simply observing his books and how easily he completes any work he brings home. Have you got a good relationship with any of the other staff at the school, perhaps last years teacher? May be you could quietly approach them to ask them to find out what's going on in your son's class.

In the end though I would suspect that if you can honestly say that the attack was unfounded then I suggest there is something the school feels guilty about and that it was a pre-emptive strike, before you criticise me I'm gonna spike your guns sort of thing. It's true that parents are often aggressive to teachers even when they don't mean to be as most parents see criticism of their child as criticism of them, however most teachers understand this and allow for it.

Anyway totally unacceptible to treat you like a pupil, I hope you don't pay for that school!

Answer 3

It's always interesting to find out how other people see us isn't it? You might not intend to bully but perhaps you use a tone of voice or gestures which could be interptreted that way in which case the head felt tight to support his staff. I suggest you write a letter to the head apologising if you have inadvertantly done so and explaining that this was not your intention - though I have to say that what you have written suggests that your ego feels threatened by the fact that someone has had the temerity tosuggest that your son is not achieving what you want - and ask for advice as to how you might support the school and your child to help him achieve what he is capable of.

Answer 4

If you are not satisfied with the Heads attitude ask reception at the school for the name of the Parent Governor and write to him/her. Copy your letter to the Chair of Governors and to the Local Education Authority (LEA). You should get a reply or acknowledgement in a week. Keep a record of all communication and notes of meetings up to the confrontation. Your County Councillor may help if above fails.

Answer 5

This is NOT how Headteachers usually behave......... well not in my experience and I have been a Headteacher for 16 years. He should have been doing the listening.... and to have paid you the compliment of looking into your concerns and making a further appointment for you to discuss his findings.
If you are really unhappy with the way your concern was dealt with you should put your complaint in writing and send it to the school's Governing Body and to the LEA.
As for moving your 5 year old............ this is a decision only you can make... but consider carefully whether your child would be upset at leaving friends he/she has made at the school.

Answer 6

head teachers don't usually behave like this, unless there is a real problem with a parent. schools need parents on-side. you haven't said what year your child is now in, however bear in mind that foundation stage assessment is based on the whole child and assessment after that is subject specific. so yr child could score high marks in the foundation stage profile if he/she was a good reader with excellent social, physical or maths skills and just be behind with writing. if you truly have not been a pain, and be honest here because schools keep records of meetings with parents, letters, etc, you need to either follow this up officially (school governors, lea) or consider moving yr child to a different school.

Answer 7

I suggest you take it up with the school board of governors - if this guy speaks to a supportive parent like that, just imagine how he must speak to underachieving or problematic pupils - who are CHILDREN - I think the guy has probably got the 'bully scenario' back to front. Don't let this drop, because you can bet your life another parent with less self-esteem or courage than you will receive the same or worse treatment - and ultimately, it will be the pupils who will suffer - either from his bullying, dictatorial and oppressive manner, or by becoming disaffected and disinterested in learning. GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

No it's not. Sounds like he's the bully. I wonder if he's got you mixed up with someone else because two visits in two years is hardly terrorism. I'd be inclined to have a word with your child's form tutor to get a definitive answer. Besides, headteachers rarely teach these day so the head isn't the best one to be telling you how your child is doing. If he persists I'd write to the School Governors and if I didn't get any joy from them I'd take it to your Local Education Authority. Dealing with parents in this unfair way is hardly going to encourage them to go to him with any problems and that can't be good for the school. I would also suggest writing to him - then he HAS to listen to you so to speak. Politely explain why you asked to see him and tell him about your previous visits to the school and make it clear if he continues to speak to you in this fashion you will take the matter to the school governors and the Head of the Local Education Authority if necessary.

I experienced something similar to this. When my daughter was at high school her head of year demanded me to go and see him and for the first fifteen minutes he was shouting at me and accusing me of all sorts of things. My daughter had been truanting and had had a few fights when she was in school. Turned out later that she was being bullied in school and her dad had been abusing her at home so she reacted to it by truanting and being rude. No excuse for bad behaviour but I was told by him that I was an irresponsible parent who should be thrown in jail and my other children should be taken into care. He personally would report me. I told him to go ahead. My kids were loved (by me at least anyway) and they were clean, fed, and punctual to school. I had a chat with her form tutor who told me 'off the record' that she was totally against the head of year's treatment of my daughter and she'd been having sleepless nights over it. I went to the School Governors and then the LEA and he was sacked. Turned out my daughter wasn't the only one on the receiving end of his wrath.

That's my advice anyway.

Answer 9

I would have said, "I think you are talking to the wrong person, this is not me...is there somebody else with the same name as me that you are mistaking me for?" If this is a private school, I would take my money somewhere else for next year for sure! If this is a public school, arrange for a transfer these people are not making sense! You sound like a reasonable person to me, so the best thing you can do for your son is change the environment to one where they WANT the parent to be involved.

Answer 10

Why didn't you ask where he got that idea from, maybe he is mistaking you with someone else, I would speak to your sons teacher or make another appointment with the head to resolve the situation. If all else fail contact the board of Governors, there is probably a parent Governor you can talk to.

Answer 11

That does seem odd, there must be more going on here surely? That is certainly not how a headteacher should behave. The only thing I can suggest is to write to the Board of Governers and ask them to investigate.