My ex wife told my children if they leave any of their clothes outside after playing...?

Question

She will give the clothes to charity. I pay for the clothes with child support as well as buying clothes above and beyond what is required by law. My daughter spoke up and told her that daddy and grandma buy the clothes and that it is wrong to do that. Also my two boys are fined by my ex $6 every time they wrestle with each other. I am most disappointed that my ex threatens to give away clothes that I pay for and she also claims poverty quite often. What should I do?

Answer 1

In your absence your ex is doing what she needs to in order to discipline and raise your children with respect for what they have been given by you, their grandparents and by her. She is also trying to teach them respect for their siblings. I think you should back her up with your children. Your support in her efforts will make it much less likely that she will need to give any clothes away or charge the boys more than once for wrestling!

Answer 2

The real issue is that your ex does not want the children leaving their clothes outside and wants them to treat things with respect. She has a valid point. The point is that she wants the children to have nice things and treat them nice. The point is not who pays for what and trying to make the ex out like some kind of villian. Perhaps you disagree with her tactics, but her point is valid. She is trying to do the right thing and curb a behavior she finds unacceptable. Back her up with the kids, talk to her about strategies you think might be effective, etc. but stick to the actual point and lay off the drama. The kids need parents who will back each other up and be consistent. Stop undermining your ex to your kids and talking about who pays for what. Start doing what is healthy and best for the kids. Deal with your emotional issues over this divorce in a way the leaves the kids out of it. You and your ex will be involved in these kids lives the rest of your lives, so I suggest you find some common ground and get on with the business of parenting in a healthy, positive way before you have a bunch of kids with emotional and behavioral problems. Stop the blame and get on with effective parenting and communication.

Answer 3

OK....I have an ex and we have split custody. There are many things that go on at his house that I don't agree with. He also cries poverty a lot....the thing that I have to force myself to realize, I learned this at a court mandated child custody class that I am grateful for, is that the important thing is our child's relationship and happiness at being involved with both parents in a stress free way. I stay out of what goes on at his house, he stays out of what goes on at mine. If he has a new girlfriend who wants to see our child's other house, she is welcome to come over and see...things like this. The most important thing is the freedom of the child to express their feelings, freedom to love each parent and never be caught in the middle of anything.....like clothes going to the pantry or $6 for wrestling....Your children will grow up very fast...and eating crow and stuffing your opinions for this short time will only benefit them in the long run. It is hard to do, however you will be glad that you did.

Answer 4

Wow, she sounds harsh. $6 for doing what comes naturally? Getting rid of clothing for leaving it outside is over the top. Your kids do need to pick up after themselves, but this seems irrational.
Talk to your ex. See if she can come up with a reward system for bringing the clothing in, instead of punishing when they don't. People (kids especially) respond much better to positive reinforcement than negative. Good luck.

Answer 5

You unfortunately made a mistake the first time you let the children speak out of the home and act on it. What they will do from now on is to play you and ex like soccer balls. Did she actually give the clothes to charity, if she didn't what's the problem then. Please please, chill over this. I pick up that you have a lot of anger inside you. Deal with this, then it will become better.

Answer 6

I agree she is trying to teach the kids responsibility for their stuff. I have also bagged things up and hid them from my daughter if she left them lay around. I just don't agree with charging the boys for wrestling around. At least they are not fighting. I wrestled with my siblings all the time growing up and my daughter did with her cousins. They are just boys and having fun.

Answer 7

It's to prove a point to your kids. Really you should be mad that your kids don;t show more appreciation for what you buy them. You need to back her up on it, in my opinion.

I quite often threaten to throw away toys when my kids won't clean up (and have done it before) They pick up their toys better now. And I have a son that burps constantly....drives me crazy b/c he tries to be as loud as possible.....so he gets a fine for it. It has made him stop doing it as much b/c he wants his money....Sounds like that's what your ex is doing by fining the boys for wrestling. Maybe she doesn't want them to get hurt or break something. You should back her up on that too. Even though you are divorced you shouldn't let your kids divide and conquer....which it sounds like they are trying to do. That'll end up biting you (not just your ex) in the butt later.

Answer 8

She's probably just frustrated that they keep leaving their clothes outside - have you tried telling your kids to be responsible and bring their clothes back inside???? I'd bet it's just a threat - has she ever really given them away?

I "bag" anything in my daughter's room after I've told her to clean it and given her sufficient time to do so... whatever's left gets put into a bag and in my closet for a week! In other words, she has learned to clean up after herself or their are consequences.

You can't do a whole lot except help your children learn responsibility - like picking up their clothes from outside when they come back in.. After all, her home.. her rules.

Answer 9

Sounds like your ex is trying to be a good mom and get your children to be responsable. If this bothers you then you are teaching your children that they can cause trouble between you two and will not grow up to be very good people. Tell your children if they can't take of their belongings that you will be glad to see some deserving children to own their items. Help your wife teach them to be responsable and stop making her job harder.

Answer 10

She's just trying to teach the little brats to clean up after themselves. She is within her rights to give away that clothes. Your brats need to learn not to leave their things lying around. As for the wrestling, yes, she doesn't want the brats wrestling and is teaching them a lesson. Would you rather they go undisciplined? Personally, I wouldn't be fining them, I'd be smacking them upside the head.