How can I tell my friend ...?

Question

I need some serious, mature advice.
I have a friend, who is very dear to me. She used to come over occasionally for a visit (which I don't mind at all). However, lately she has been coming over to my house most afternoons for coffees and a chat.

After 2-3 refills of cups and several hours later, I am delicately hinting that it's getting late and I still need to get a lot done. She doesn't get the hint and by now it's almost dinner time. So, I get up and start the cooking. She remains on the couch and sips her tea, still chatting away. I then make a firmer statement to indicates that she needs to leave, but again without success. While she continues to talk to me, I usually end up making dinner for her as well, which is fine by me occasionally, but not habitually.

My question is how can I politely tell her she is overstaying her welcome? (And I don't want to sound nasty at all - I DO value her friendship) She is still my friend, so polite suggestions, please.
Thanks

Answer 1

If she valued the friendship that you show towards her, she would be more considerate of the fact that you have a family and things to do concerning them.

Is she single? She sounds like a lonely person or a little selfish...either way, she should have enough sense to know that because a person is hospitable towards her, she shouldn't take advantage of it.

Once when I was in my twenties, there was a woman the same age who had marital problems, and she would come occasionally to unload....it got to be everyday just like your friend. What did I do? I would not open the door for her and she knew I was home, but she eventually went away.

I found out from another neighbor, that she had had to do the same thing to this woman as I had. Once you don't let her in, she will unfortunately latch onto someone else. I know it might sound cruel to not open your door, but you've tried unsuccessfully to talk to her and she has ignored you........so this might be your only option.

Answer 2

Since she is a friend, then you might say when she comes over next time, "You know I have a lot of chores to do today, I don't have time to visit, but if you'll help out maybe we can chat for an hour afterward." If she stays, make certain the time is spent cleaning, laundering etc. At least you'll have a sparkling clean house by the time she tires of coming over to do your chores.
Another option is to save your errands for the time of day she visits. You could actually stand up after a reasonable time chatting and say "I have an errand to run right now, (Or better yet personal business to attend) would you like me to drop you off somewhere?"

Answer 3

That`s really hard! I mean you can tell her that you have a program from early evening, or it is that you just wanna be alone. You can also talk about how happy you are that you have her as a friend, and that you like her company a lot, but there are things you need to do around house, and you dont want to hurt her, just tell her honestly that it is also important for you to get rest a little and work around the house. If she is your friend, then she wouldn`t mind if you tell her this honestly. More, you can thank her that you can be so open and honest with her, and that people with this qualities are not often!

Answer 4

You say your friend used to come occasionally, so this is a change for her. Has something major in her life changed? If you're talking for long periods of time, perhaps you'll know if it's that she's not comfortable in her own home for any reason. Has she lost someone close to her, not necessarily passed away, maybe a good friend moved away?
If there is a change in her life, be patient, she'll get back to normal.
Otherwise, you can tell her when she arrives, "Welcome, I am glad to have your company now but I'll need you to leave at ----(pick a time), as I am going to be very busy after that."
You don't have to explain what you'll be busy with, and when that time comes..... say something like..."Wow, I sure enjoyed our time together but it's time for me get busy and time for our visit to end. Thank you for coming over."

Answer 5

Your friend might be feeling lonely or something is going on in her life that she really needs you. Pay attention to what she is talking to you about and maybe you can figure it out.

If its nothing and she is just mooching off of you and getting free dinner every day, then you should just nicely mention to her, "hey maybe we can take turns cooking dinner?" Maybe you can have dinner at her house some days. That might give her the hint that you dont' want to feed her every day.

Answer 6

honesty will bond any relationship.
skipping around it will destroy it.
say something like this.........
wow its later then i thought, well kathy it was nice for you to visit but i have a lot of stuff to do so we will have do this again i hope. and say this without letting her interrupt you and while you are walking toward the door with her. when she goes out the door don't allow her to talk to you another 10 mins. after 2 or 3 times of this she will automatic leave when you notice the time.
if this don't work........well just tell her straight out. i think she will be ok with it.
good luck with taking care of you hemorrhoid...........lol

Answer 7

well i don't have any friends at all that live close to me except one and i come over to his house and he doesn't mind also about staying but i don't eat at his house cuz i feel bad about wasting their money on food and all. anyways um just tell her something ask her what's wrong, why is drinking so much coffee i think that she is overstaying at your house because maybe she is depressed with something and that's why she is staying too much at your house. help her out or just tell her that sge is staying at your house too much

Answer 8

She sounds lonely and in need of company so she comes to you for what she seeks. i would sit her down and explain to her you don't mind her coming over but that you have alot to do and you don't want to come off rude but your time is limited.

Answer 9

I do not want to tell u what to say but I'll say
"Sorry,I really am busy and let's continue this tomorrow.
But tomorrow,we only can chat for ???hours until it's ?? o'clock...See u..."

Hope this helps...

-K-

Answer 10

tell her to swing by later cuz ur busy or if u can go over her house if she really needs to talk to some1 , tell her before she leaves to call you before she comes over next time to c if your not going to be busy