What are grounds for divorce? I love my husband. He has been on dating sites, gay, straight, and only admitted to it because I caught him. He said he chats about sex, but I don't think he cheats!! Since I have been searching he has been on 20 plus dating sites-- most before we were married and some I cannot prove if they were while, but he says he has done it since our marriage. (That was after I caught him.) I asked him why and he said he wanted to talk to someone. But I told him that he could do that on myspace or chat or something, but not on dating sites! (He wouldn't have told me the truth if I hadn't found it out in the first place.)
Need a lot of advice pls! I am going to marriage counseling, but I think it is worthless. I don't know if I will ever trust him again!! I am angry that he would do this to me and my daughter!!
On top of it all -- he says that I am somewhat to blame that he asked for oral sex with a man (dating site)!! Talking? That is cheating, right?
2007-11-09 18:44:58 · 21 answers · asked by Becca 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can almost go with him on the rationalization that if you didn't do x he went to place y to get it- but he could have opened up to you about it.
Your husband is an internet porn addict. He expresses it differently than I did many years ago, but that's what he is. He gets depressed, probably bc he doesn't know how to communicate with you about intimacy, then runs to the net to use it as a band aid. He then realizes after he does this what he's done and gets further depressed, and the cycle continues and worsens. I am available through email and I'm if you would like to talk to someone to bounce more info off of. I also recommend purelifeministries.com- great site that helped me a lot and continues to. He can be saved from this. None of this is your fault. Don't let him tell you that. Don't give up on him either- just let him know that if he has a need that you will do your best to help him with it, like he should be doing for you.
May God bless you, your husband and your marriage.
2007-11-09 19:22:10 · answer #1 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He needed to talk to someone. What an old line. If he really needed someone to talk to... he had a wife whats wrong with talking to her. He was on those dating sites because he wanted to be!! I don't think he would have told you if you hadn't caught him. Being on those sites are bad enough but hes on the gay ones as well, red flags should be going up for you!!! Your going to counseling, I hope that helps you, but he is BLAMING you for him being on those sites. again red flags. He's not even man enough to take responsibility for his own actions. As far as the trust issue with him he has destroyed the trust you had in him. He may have not cheated yet, but I think it would be a matter of time til that happened. To me its all the same. This is about you. How long are you gonna put up with this and do you really think you could ever trust him again. I'm sure you are angry and hurt. He isn't thinking about no one but his self. You need to calm down and don't make any rash decisions you have a lot riding on the ones you do make. I think I'd talk to an attorney see what your legal options are. You and your daughter need a stable home and i cant see anyone having it with a selfish lying person like he is. You need to think about and do whats best for you and your daughter. God Bless.
2007-11-09 20:20:35 · answer #2 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your anger is justified but let it be only an anger.Men visit many sites for curiosity and that means nothing really.I think it's a minor issue and you should use your 'Cool' head to settle it.Hint:- Stop thinking like a wife but as an adult.Nobody would risk a working relationship for such a minor reason.Life has it's turns and troubles which can be handled wisely than emotionally. Talk to your mother and other friends also.Wish you all the best.
2007-11-09 19:00:32 · answer #3 · answered by brkshandilya 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
OMG I can't believe you are even asking for advice on this one. NOOO brainer!!! Do you need more confirmation that he is in the wrong? You have already caught him. Yes, it is absolutely wrong. Whether it be male or female if he is seeking comfort in someone else.. it's not love he's feeling for you. But of course you did sort of allow it but telling him he could "chat" with people on myspace or something. Have you seen that site? It IS a dating site for most. Any man who needs to find "it" in anything but you... you simply do not need. Marraige counseling only works for those who are willing to work on the marraige & obviously he is willing to work on much else. Point to prove.. does he spend more time working on your marraige or on his other interests? You don't need to answer. I already know it.
2007-11-09 20:15:38 · answer #4 · answered by luvlemons 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would think that he is dating. I would not believe that he is only chatting on dating sites. I have tried dating on-line and when I would go out on a date they would turn out to be married and I wouldn't see them again. But the fact remains that married men are dating on these sites.And he is bi-sexual and you need to decide if you can live with that. I believe that a cheater is risking your life and they have no right to risk your life and if he is bi he is putting you at an even greater risk. Yes that is cheating, Internet sex is still sex.
2007-11-09 18:52:12 · answer #5 · answered by Linda S 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
sorry to hear this but there's lots of prayer lines u could call because it's so true-believe me that a righteous man's prayer is very powerful. so the more righteous ppl u have praying and believing for u, the powerful the spirit of your husband will be lead. so, keep at it like email all the prayer request sites out there. there are so many ppl willing to pray for anyone even if they are strangers.
2007-11-09 18:52:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, but he's a no-go. Um... It's bad enough that he is on there, but when he gets to the point where he asks for oral sex from a man...that when you pack your **** and leave with no trail of bread cumbs. Yeah, some stuff you shouldn't have to fix with marriage counceling, if he likes that stuff naturally and dosent see a problem with it...then there is something way wrong with him, not with the relationship.
2007-11-09 18:50:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I've never been to marriage counseling But..the only way i know to answer your question is that you need to "OPEN"up to all view's in your marriage . Try sitting down with him talking with him about some of the things they talk about .try not to get upset when you hear something you dint like or something you dint want to hear, look at it from this view your getting to know what he likes also what your missing in your marriage, its not that your a bad wife and its not that you have done nothing wrong . it just that there is something in that area of your marriage that he is missing , Sounds like to me he just likes getting different views on other people's (sex) life.. different things he might fear that will upset you about .if he would have come to you to talk about .if you want your marriage then it's worth a try to talk to him and get to understand him a little deeper ,...Honestly i just feel its something missing in your marriage that with a little time and understanding on"Both" parts yours and his ,it might make your mar rage stronger...best of luck sweetie;)
2007-11-09 19:17:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a hard question to answer.
This turns me into two different people.
Having counseled lots of married couples I should say....get rid of the PC. If you didn't have it he would probably be watching a John Wayne Movie.
The Second person:
Wants to say cut his damn fingers off.
~~Sending you the Best of Luck~~
2007-11-09 18:55:38 · answer #9 · answered by Mustbe 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are somewhat to blame. You married him.
Talking is not cheating. Sex is cheating.
He sounds like a closet A bandit to me. Leave him if you like. You sound like you know it all.
2007-11-09 18:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋