Arranged marriage.?

Question

So heres the deal. Straight up. In our culture we marry early. I was born and raised in America, but somehow I became a victim of the old world ways and got married at the age of 16. Fast forward now to ten years later, I wished I would have had enough strength to tell my family that I did'nt want to get married. Now I feel like I want to rebel cuz I missed out on alot of things in my life. I wished I would have waited and married the person I knew was the one for me. Let me add that the main reason I've stayed married for so long is because if I wanted out, it would disappoint alot of people. (parents, in-laws) so there's definitely alot of pressure to accept your life the way it is because of tradition, religion, and culture. I really need some help on this. I'm sooooo depressed. I don't want to live like this. Wishing and wondering what if.

I am a lebanese muslim. Born and raised in America.

For brian777, why would it be dangerous?

Answer 1

You see that's where you have the problem.

You are living traditionally in a culture where tradition is private, and a melting pot is boiling in public.

Arranged marriages don't work in this culture, because you see too much around you. People party, drink, go out with diffrent people, have sex with different people, etc.

There's too much to see, and I'm sure you wish you picked someone who you wanted.

That's normal to feel like that because you live in America.

Listen, you sound young. If you don't have kids yet, get out.
Screw the in-laws, etc. They will probably hate you, but that means you can have your life back.

You live once girl. You either live to make him and his family happy, or you live to fulfill your own desires. You're not selfish if you pick the latter.

Answer 2

It's your life and you need to do what is best for you. I can't imagine staying married to someone you don't love just to please other people. Do you have children? If you don't have children, get out now while you can.

Hopefully you have some schooling or a trade where you'll be able to support yourself. If not, enroll in some technical training course so you can get a job and stash money away, then leave.

In America we don't stay in miserable marriages. You have a right to happiness and true love and I hope you find it. You can email me if you want. I've been there with depression too. I was in a bad marriage and I got out. Now I'm mid 30's and finally married to the love of my life. Let me tell you that when you're with the right person, marriage is wonderful!!!

Answer 3

Well it is your life, and do you live your life for you, or other people. But then again, are you just itching to become single, or are you truly unhappy? Is your marriage bad? Keep in mind that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. I, myself, I would have refused to get married at 16. I didn't get married for the first time until I was 34.....too wild in the past I guess. But just remember one thing. You don't have to live your life because of tradition, religion, or culture. If you have children, they you'll have to also consider them and their needs. If you don't have children.....and you are truly unhappy, then why stay. To me, it is better to be single and lonely, than married and miserable. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

You should say which culture/religion/country you are referring to . This will help people to give you a good answer.

Okay, thanks for that extra information. It could be dangerous for you if you left your marriage. have you considered this ? If this is not a problem then I suggest that you weigh up the disappointment of your family against your own happiness. Only you can make this decision.
If you do decide to leave ; do you have somewhere safe to go ?

Edit : I hate to mention this but there is a history of honour killings in the Muslim world when young women go against the family wishes. Forgive me if I offend you by bringing up this subject. This is why I was concerned for your safety.

Answer 5

Honey if you are that miserable you need to do what you think is best for you. Do not worry about disappointing other people. You deserve to be happy too. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like this because someone else will be unhappy with you? Let them be unhappy with you, they will get over it. Take control of your life and make of it what you want. Good luck.

Answer 6

Our help to help u would not practically help u. Ur help(decision) will help u most. So think yourself hundred times and take the decision. If u find a solution all by u that would be the best help for u. Good luck.

Answer 7

Life is too short,do what your heart says.If you are financially independent don't think about it.Someday they will understand and if they don't ...you'll start over a new life.Go for it if you think its the right thing to do.