how often should we attend to a crying 3 week old after he's been fed, burped, changed, and held..?

Question

weve been told to not always pick him up when he cries for fear of having him cry always to be held....but we feel bad not attending to him ...what are the theoies (ferberizing???) and what works for everyone out there

Answer 1

You should pick him up every single time he cries! He's only 3 weeks old - there is no difference between his needs and wants at this point. Being held is a physical NEED for an infant. That's why kids in orphanages often end up with developmental disabilities - they simply weren't held enough as infants. When baby is left to cry on his own, cortisol (the stress hormone) floods his brain. If the exposure to cortisol is often enough or long enough, it can actually cause brain damage. Babies who are left to cry it out often stop crying and seem like "good" babies, but they have really given up all hope in being comforted and are just laying there depressed. Also, Ferberizing isn't recommended until at least 6 months, and Dr. Ferber has come out in recent years and retracted his previous statements, saying that no amount of crying is good for baby.

If he wants to be held all the time, get a sling or another kind of infant carrier. That way you can snuggle him close to your body, but your hands will be free so that you can do other things. My daughter slept hours in the sling at that age, and I could do anything I needed to around the house. I still use it occasionally, and it still calms her down and puts her right to sleep. He just spent 9 months in a warm, comforting place, listening to Mom's heart beat and breathing - leaving him alone in a big open crib is a HUGE shock to his little mind and body. Ease him into this world by using a sling or holding him, and ALWAYS comfort him when he's sad! Trust your instincts and go to him when he cries!

Answer 2

We used the ferber method on our daughter.. but not until she was almost 5 months old.

The thing is.. any baby under 3 months.. you should respond to their cry. They could be hungry, wet, poopied, they could be hot, or cold, they could have gas.. etc.. and the thing is.. 3 months and under, the need that sort of attention every couple hours. (It is exhausting)

But what it comes down too.. is your baby is too young to use the Ferber Method.

As your baby grows.. around 4 or 5 months.. your baby will have more time between feedings.. and may even be able to sleep almost through the night.. (at least 6 hours).. and anyway.. all that makes a difference..

Your baby right now.. should be feeding every 2 to 3 hours.. and so the reality is.. how can you ferber that??

Right now.. you and your spouse,... should split up the feedings.. and you should respond to your baby when he cries.

At about 4 1/2 months.. I'd start the ferber method then.. but not before..

Good Luck with your Son.

Answer 3

My son is one month old now (he's my 3rd) and when he cries, I hold him. I'm sorry but I honestly think that at that young of an age, all the baby wants (after being fed, etc) is to know that you are there and you're not going anywhere. I did this with my other 2 children (4ys and 2ys) and they didnt get in the habit of being held all the time. Once they got a little older, they knew I was there and the seemed to not really need me much because they knew if they did need me, I would be there. I hope you find something that works for you and your husband. Everyone feels differently and only YOU two can decide what is best for YA'LLS baby. Good Luck!

Answer 4

You cannot spoil a newborn. Baby needs to be cuddled when he cries and when you go right to him and pick him up, he will learn to trust you.

Pediatrician, Dr. Harvey Karp, MD, says that the first 3 months are considered to be the 4th trimester.

Think about this - baby has been used to being carried 24 hours a day, he is used to the loud sounds of mama's heartbeat and other digestive noises (it's as loud as a vacuum cleaner in the womb) and he is used to being curled up tightly in a warm, secure environment.

When he is born, it's a big change. If you re-create what he has been used to in the womb he will calm right down and be content.

Go to http://www.birthbabyandmom.com/baby-crying.html and read some great information on how to calm a crying baby within seconds.

Babies actually have a "calming reflex" and if you know just what to do, your baby will calm immediately.

All the best with your little one,

Kirstyn Sierra,
Mother of 5
http://www.BirthBabyAndMom.com

Answer 5

Good answers so far, you can't spoil a baby so young.

As far as Ferber, his book is extremely helpful in understanding how sleep works in children. I highly recommend reading the whole thing. However, even Ferber cautions that you should ALWAYS respond to a child that young. Ferber reversed himself on crying it out. He definitely says that a child under 6 months of age should NOT cry it out.

Let me give you a guide: listen to your heart. You said that you feel bad not attending to him. Do what YOUR hearts say to do. You can't go wrong in that way. You are the parents, you are right.

Answer 6

I truly believe that a 3 week old baby should be held as much as possible. They need to be held and soothed and comforted by human touch. You can get a sling or a snuggli if it makes it easier. They often need to be held A LOT and want to be rocked or walked around as well. This really is perfectly normal. It is also perfectly normal for you to feel bad having to listen to him cry. That is nature's way of telling you that he needs you. There are loads of books about child rearing and you can certainly read up on how to care for your newborn. Penelope Leach and T.Berry Brazelton are two authors that are excellent. You baby will only be little for a short time and you will not regret giving him as much attention as you can. He will grow up feeling secure and loved and learn how to comfort himself much earlier and more easily if you give him all that attention now. This isn't to say that you will not be frustrated by how MUCH time and attention he requires -- take a break when you need one. But attend to him as much as you can and do not worry about giving him too much holding time. It's impossible!

Answer 7

A baby of 3 weeks cries for a reason not to be manipulative he doesnt know how to be at that age. never leave a 3 week old crying for any period of time, crying is their way of telling u that theyre not happy
U cannot spoil an infant of that age and babies should not be left to cry till theyre 6 months old and even then a technique called controlled crying should be used even though i never used that technique as i cant leave my children to self soothe!! im weak i know but thats me

Answer 8

Research shows that you cannot spoil a newborn. Crying is their only way of communicating. They are in the stage of learning to trust or mistrust. When they cry, they trust you to help them. They might just want a little cuddle time. Remember they were cuddled for nine months and became familiar with your sounds. All they may need is to rest on your chest and listen to your heart beat! Good luck and congrats on your new addition!

Answer 9

At this age you should try the "Let him cry" method, he's too young. You can't spoil a baby...Right now if he's crying there is a reason, even if he's just fussy and tired, he wants and needs to comforted. I personally think the ferberizing method is crap...babies need to be reassured that they're loved and that you will always be there for them when they need you.

Answer 10

Your baby needs you. Ignore the bad advice that you are getting. At this age, he needs to know that "If I need Mom and Dad, they will come." It's a great big world out there and very scary. He needs your comfort.

With our son, he needed constant holding. One of us (usually me) would hold him all the time - that's all night too. I would stay up all night and nap during the day while my husband held him.

He now hardly ever cries, sleeps in a bed, and is happy and secure.