I have been married for about a year and a half now. I really do love my wife and we have a beautiful daughter that reminds me of that everyday. For some reason, I constantly feel drawn to other women, kind of like I am missing something. I always use the 80/20 rule( Dont give up 80% for a 20% person) but I cant help feeling like there could be someone better. I dont want to get a divorce but I need help in finding a way to get back the feelings I have lost. She did gain a little weight after the baby and I am not an asshole who only cares about the physical, I encourage her to work out or create a diet plan but it seems she would rather just complain about the wieght instead of help herself lose it. I guess I am a little unattracted to her attitude. If someone has a valid way,(intelligent , thoughtful) solution to assist me, I would appreciate it.
2007-11-09 17:15:02 · 7 answers · asked by ryhmer06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do tell my wife she is beautiful and I didnt say I was pushing her to lose wieght. I just want her to feel the way I feel about her. I think she is beautiful but when she says comments like "I'm fat," it is hard to prove to her that I am serious when I tell her I love her body.
2007-11-09 17:47:20 · update #1
Remember back to a time when she was the only woman you could think about, and really remember the things that attracted you, the things that you loved about her, and the things that you used to do together. It's possible that she has changed so much that she's not that person anymore, but it's more likely that she's become more occupied with being a mother, and it's likely that if you treat her like you did then, she'll be more like she was. And instead of encouraging her to diet and work out (which her brain will interpret as you saying she's fat), tell her all the things that you still find attractive. My man and I just had our first baby, and I still have about 10 lbs from that to lose (have already lost 30), and I don't know if he's doing it on purpose, but whenever he does, it makes me want to exercise, make love, and eat nothing but salad. Good luck.
2007-11-09 17:42:17 · answer #1 · answered by rhea b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop worrying about her weight and show her you love her by helping with the baby and try spending time alone together. If you comment on her body in a negative way she will feel bad about herself as a women and wont feel sexy. A woman's body goes threw a lot of changes when she has a child from physical to emotional. Take some time to think about her and not just yourself sounds like you are being a bit selfish.
2007-11-09 18:01:56 · answer #2 · answered by carmen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you really love your wife, but you don't seem to really love your wife. You even made up a little rule so you can feel justified in looking. Wow...
No one can make you fall in love with your wife. But you should know that all relationships are like this. There is an ebb and flow to all relationships. You are going to change in appearance too. Is she still going to love you with a mid-life belly? Baldness?
There's a lot more to relationships than looks. And, quite honestly, you are missing something by not sleeping around with other women. It's called STD's, alimony, child support, heartburn, etc.
Look at your wife in a different way. Don't see the physical. What was it about her that you fell in love with? Is she a loving person? Is she a caring mother?
2007-11-09 18:02:31 · answer #3 · answered by justanotherone 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to feel feminine again.....this is very important to a woman....especially as she becomes a care taker for others.
Plan a monthly date with her and really do it up well. Take care of her completely on your date night. Try this for awhile and see if it creates a more positive and loving attitude in both of you.
2007-11-09 17:45:53 · answer #4 · answered by Janet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has no respect for you. By saying that she is fat when you have clearly stated otherwise, she is calling you a liar. That is disrespectful. She needs to sort out her insecurities fast. This situation will not improve, otherwise.
It is not possible to help someone who wont help themselves and they just wallow in self pity. This is unattractive and explains your feelings.
2007-11-09 18:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You been watching too many Tyler Perry movies. If you really love her, look pass the weight. If you don't, she'll find someone that will accept her the way she is. You don't want that, now do you?
2007-11-09 17:27:25 · answer #6 · answered by sexyascanbe! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, start "dating her" again.Get a trusted relative she approves of to baby sit and take that girl out, MAKE her feel like you made her feel when you were dating,If that doesnt do the trick take her to counseling so she can understand where you are coming from.
2007-11-09 17:25:01 · answer #7 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋