Can mothers REALLY say for certain that the maternal instinct is NOT a myth?

Question

Especially when there is a huge body of evidence suggesting mothering behaviors are learned? I never wanted a kid - and here I am- 46 - still not wanting to have a kid. And there are MILLIONS of women just like me! How much 'baby-making' desire is a product of consumer advertising? McDonalds wants cradle-to-grave customers, and so advertise images of 'happy families'. Check out the home pages of fertility clinics who are quite happy to perform procedures on women almost guaranteed to fail. It's all about the money, honey. Comments?

Of course the same question applies: Can non-mothers REALLY say for certain that the maternal instinct is NOT a myth?

I'm happy to be a non-mother and I say 'nooooooo'.

Twilight - "* Maternal instinct does have large learned or environmental component" - YEP. Now...I'm gonna say it (*crash*) - instinct is by definition INNATE, not learned behavior. That's precisely why I suggested that the power of 'maternal instinct' might be a tad... overblown. There is plenty of learning of all kinds going on here...

I'm not suggesting that 'maternal instinct' is entirely fabricated as a response to external stimuli; obviously, something innate is driving the desire to make babies TOO. I am merely suggesting that it's actual "power" over women is grossly overstated.

Answer 1

There is some fascinating research on this subject with chimpanzees and other apes.

Even in non-human primates, mothering behaviors are primarily LEARNED, not instinctual.

In chimpanzees, adolescent females badger adult mothers to "babysit" their young. The mothers often object because the adolescents are rough and clumsy, but at times, they need the extra helping hand (sound familiar?). This helps the adolescents "practice" motherhood while incurring no risk to their own offspring.

Also, chimpanzees that were orphaned usually make terrible mothers - they often accidentally kill their infants through neglect or rough handling. This is one reason why it's so difficult to breed primates in zoos. The mothers didn't grow up in a "natural" environment learning how to be mothers, so the infants must be taken from them at birth and raised by humans. Of course, this then perpetuates the cycle.

Answer 2

I do not think a childless woman has the credibility to talk about maternal instincts, nor do men (that goes for Dr. Spock) who was a pediatrician, not a physiologist or expert in female health and physiology. That being said, I will be a bit of a hypocrite and say that even though I have no children of my own, I care for and teach 18 of them Monday-Friday. I am a teacher. I feel that instinct and even often refer to the 18, 6 or 7 year olds as "my babies", as do many other teachers...even those with their own children. We become protective of them. My husband is a teacher as well. I do see him having more of a fatherly role with his students, especially since many no longer have father actively involved in their lives. However rather than protecting them, he take on more of a "tough love" policy. Wanting them to do and be their best and recognizing there are sacrifices and consequences that students sometimes have to make if they are not.

Answer 3

Some women are more maternal than others, but you got to admit, a million years ago women, and men by the way, were reproducing. Not to mention every other species. A LONG time before consumer advertising. If it wasn't for some kind of instinct we wouldn't have been here to invent consumer advertising.

Answer 4

I have no idea if it's true or not. I have had 4 babies and I would kill for any one of them, if need be. I was the oldest of 4 kids, so I learned early on how to change a diaper. But my youngest sister (who practiced on my kids) claims she's NEVER going to have kids. I think it's how one is wired--I love being a mother, others (like my sister) might hate it. Then again, they're some who are adament about having only 1 or 2 kids--and others (like me) who want as many as they can afford. I think it all evens itself out in the end.

They sure do try to make money off families with kids, don't they? Look how consumer-ised Christmas has gotten!

Answer 5

There is some scientific evidence to support the idea of maternal instinct being hormone related, I have referenced a couple of articles in sources.

Google returns remarkably few sites under the search terms

"Maternal Instinct" & scientific evidence hormone

Most of what it does return - are blog entries. The first two scientific articles do not mean what you mean in their use of the words.

The best summary from a credible source I have found states:

"Biological Approach

* Hormone influence the sexual characteristics
* Maternal instinct does have large learned or environmental component
* Evolution used incorrectly to explain why men more sexually active than females"

3rd reference, powerpoint required to view.

Answer 6

I never had a burning desire to have children. It was literally never there. Then I was told I was never going to have children, and it didn't upset me. After 4 yrs of marriage, at the age of 35, I got pregnant. My baby is the love of my life and I couldn't imagine not having her. But when we found out I was pregnant, you've never seen two people freak out more. I worried because I never had that maternal instinct. Ever. Not even when my friends had kids. Yet now I love my daughter more than anything. It amazed me how much instinct I had when she was born. I won't lie. I hated being pregnant, but I love the outcome. If you had asked me 5 years ago if I was ever going to be a mom, I'd have laughed.

Answer 7

I think maternal instinct is real, but it just doesn't exist for some. like some people are gay, some are straight- some are maternal, some aren't.

I know that it does exist, because it's a feeling so deeply embedded in myself and some others that it truly is part of my very core. If you ask someone with a strong maternal instinct, they will tell you that it's not learned for them, that it's always been there and always will be there; it's hard to explain how we know it's not learned...but we know that it's not. perhaps for some it is learned, but there are a lot of women who truly desire children.

I think some proof that it isn't learned, is that the human race wouldn't have survived if it was learned. early mothers would have their child, and think, "what is this screaming thing that needs so much attention?" they would kill the baby, and therefore the race would have a very short life.

We are not completely independent, we must have some instincts to survive.

Answer 8

I personally believe that it is not a mirth being a mother of 4 and a Grandmother of 8 and I am older older then you! I always from as far back as I can remember wanted to be a Mom. But, I know many that don't and didn't want children. Children are not for everyone! You sound like it wasn't for you and that's great! Mothering is learned, from your Mom. Not from adds! It is a void that is filled with this little person or persons.

Answer 9

I am a parent and I say myth, cause our baby wasn't planned I just wanted to spend my life with my husband no kids,ever,seeing the pyramids and cool stuff like that, even after she was born I didn't have the instinct to be a mother, I loved her but I didn't want to do all that work and we hired a nanny for the first few years cause I knew I wanted to go enjoy my fun stuff and I could separate from the baby and take off and not worry, some idiots thought I was cold but the smart ones like you know I have no instinct to feed and protect no matter what, it was done and that was okay, you enjoy your life and no it is a myth and a dumb one two me and our daughter are best friends now that she is older and I love that

Answer 10

Some women aren't maternal and even when they have a child, it doesn't change anything. There's nothing wrong with these women. It's just the way they are. I don't consider myself to be particularly nurturing myself. I care about the children I have but I often don't extend those feelings towards other people's children.