My boyfriend and l love each other very much. We had been dating for over a year now, but there is a big issue about having a child someday. He doesn't want to have children, and I do. I have spent over a month in his house. Next week I'm moving out of state, and I have been trying to keep it together, but as the day I have to leave gets closer, I feel that emotionally I am falling apart. All this time I have been holding my tears, I have been trying to be strong, I just can take it anymore, the sadness and the pain are getting stronger and I'm getting weaker and weaker.
I feel anger, sadness, frustation. I have these kinds of mix feelings. He has to fly down to FL for a job interview this coming Monday. I told him that it would be best for both us to just say a quick goodbye as we both leave. I just don't want to cry and feel miserable at the time we have to say goodbye, I just want to avoid that painful moment. He wants me to stay until he comes back from FL.
2007-11-09 16:46:13 · 6 answers · asked by Luna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know it is very sad to part because there is nothing wrong with the relationship. However, have you ever thought of the situation this way? I feel that it is very loving of him to tell you that he doesn't want children and to let you go so you can find someone to have children with. I have been in the same situation several years ago. I am now glad that we parted. I still don't have any children (I have a cute dog) yet but I know that someday soon I will, as I still have some issues to work out.
You say you don't want to cry. So don't...and dont wait until he gets back. It will be just more painful. Think of it as a new phase of your life, one door has closed but another one has opened. Why be sad? You'll just waste your time. Also when you're sad and angry, you won't be pretty and no one will notice you. Be strong. Be happy. Make your life joyful and fulfilling. It's up to you.
2007-11-09 17:00:29 · answer #1 · answered by Codys mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no easy way to say goodbye so the best thing to do is leave him a note and move. You have to realize that if you want children and he doesn't there is no way to get past that unless you agree to not have children and you shouldn't or he agrees to have one or two. Perhaps if you leave before he returns, he will realize that he has to have the children in order to have you.
If he does move to Florida for the job and you are moving to another state, there is also the question of whether you would agree to move to Florida if he agrees to children..
Were his mother and father divorced? It could be that he felt betrayed if they were divorced and he is worrying abut having children and putting them through that if the two of you ever divorced. that might be resolved with some counseling.
As I said, there is no easy way to say goodbye but yet if you hold on to something or someone too long when a goodbye is necessary, you ruin the future happiness of you both.
If this can't be resolved between the two of you, it will hurt for a while but when you find the man who want you and children, the happiness you feel than will make up for the unhappiness you feel now. Good luck to you
2007-11-09 17:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is no way to avoid that painful moment. Do you really want just a quick kiss goodbye? Make your last kiss one he will never forget and enjoy it as much as you can. You will have plenty of time later on to heal from the pain. Who knows maybe it will be that kiss that tells him he just can't let you go and later after thinking about you and the life he was choosing to leave will bother him. Maybe he will hate how lonely he feels and find that he loves you so much that a baby with you is a blessing not a curse on his freedom. If you two have true love then a baby wont take away his freedom from enjoying his life....a life without you will :)
2007-11-09 16:58:46 · answer #3 · answered by just bored 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in exactly the same situation except it is the other way around. I don't want children, he has now decided that he does. We've been together for 14 months and when we first met I made it very clear to him that children did not feature in my future and he wholeheartedly agreed and we've been very very happy. Then one day about 4 weeks ago, right out of the blue, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. When he finally told me the reason why - he wants kids, I don't - I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world. To this day I cry myself to sleep at night. He wants to remain friends but I simply cannot, it hurts too much to see him. I have asked him to stop emailing, texting, phoning me but he still does. I ignore his phone calls and texts and I know it hurts him but I feel betrayed by him even though it was never his intention to hurt me. I think the best advice is to just draw a line underneath the whole episode, the best you can, and try and pick yourself up and carry on with your life. I love my boyfriend unconditionally but it obviously is not the same for him. If I meant that much to him then he would be happy just to have me in his life and enjoy our happiness. But clearly I do not. As hard as it is to accept, you have to move on. An old proverb says that no man is worthy of your tears and the one who is would never make you cry. If he truly loves you, your time apart will make him realise that and he will come back to you. But don't sit back waiting for a "what if" - grieve, cry, face the depths of despair but find the strength to get on with your life. You will get the happiness you deserve you just have to believe in yourself. God bless xx
2007-11-09 23:43:20 · answer #4 · answered by Janna C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really love him, wait until he comes back, maybe the
time apart will change his mind. Not all men want kids.
It's not for everyone. Most women do want them at some
point but you have to understand his point to. If he is firm
about not having them, and you want them, than you have
to realize that this guy isn't the one. It's always hard to let go.
Not knowing what the future holds is also scary but you know,
you'll probably look back on it when you do have kids with
someone else and be glad you left. You can't settle for
things in a relationship. You want kids and he does not.
So, move on and so what if you cry. You will be fine. It's
never easy to say good bye. Who knows if he loves you
that much, he may change his mind.
2007-11-09 16:56:56 · answer #5 · answered by boxmaker40 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel you have made a mistake and your not going to be together anymore why wait just go! get it over with
2007-11-09 16:58:32 · answer #6 · answered by bluesky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋