Divorce, what would you do?

Question

I'm a 25 year old american, I'm married and I have 1 17 month old child. My wife and I agreed on having one child and afterwards I had a vasectomy done with her written consent. Ever since she has regretted it saying she wants more kids. 4 in fact. We have talked about this extensively and it looks like we might be getting a divorce. We are going to wait a few years and see how things work out but I'm almost certain I'm not going to change my mind.

Now the problem is I want to live abroad and my wife does not. We talked about it before but now she doesn't want to unless I give her more kids. If we do divorce she will be completely taken care of. She will have a college education and a very good paying job. She will also have a new car!

I want to move overseas if/when we divorce. However, I would be leaving my son with my wife. I don't want to leave my son but I really want to live abroad. I know this sounds selfish but I don't like living here. What would you do?

Thanks for all the feedeback.
Let me try and clear a few things up.
My wife is constantly depressed about not having more kids and she said she probably will be her entire life, in which case, neither of use would be happy.

In a few years my wife wants to move to a different state than I do which would not only make me extremely unhappy but it will also affect my employment/job as well. If I lived in a different state I would probably see my son just as much as if I did living abroad. I know it is being selfish but I have lived my entire life for other people and for once I want to make myself happy. I can't see moving next to my wife just so I can see my son. Even if he is my son I can't imagine being unhappy and depressed for 18 years!

So really, staying in the U.S. in a different state is just as much of an issue as moving abroad. I don't like the idea of not being around for my son but unfortunately sometimes things just aren't black & white.

Answer 1

You only get one chance in life. When you die is anyone going to remember or even care that you lived abroad? When you die will your child have the memories of growing up with his or her dad? If you can answer these questions truthfully you will have the answer to your question.

Answer 2

Honestly, I would give up anything I ever wanted just so that I could be as close to my child as possible. The most important thing is that your child is raised by BOTH parents. I can tell you right now that I would walk through fire just to make sure my children never had to do without me, because I know how traumatized they would be, feeling like I had abandoned them. They are the most important things in my life, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that I have their best interests at heart, even if that means giving up something I really want.

Overseas will still be there when your child grows up, but permanently damaging your child by not being around is very serious and something that can't be undone.

Answer 3

Whether or not you get a divorce isn't as important as where you live. How do you expect to be a positive influence in your son's life if you never see him? You'll see him once or twice a year, if you can afford to fly back to the states and see him??? You'll be a total stranger to him. Your son deserves better. This world needs more kids being raised with a mother AND a father who love them. This world does not need one more kid looking for a father figure in his/her life because their own dad took off to see the world and said "To Hell with you, I'm going to do what I want." Doesn't work that way. Your son deserves a father, not just a child support check.

Answer 4

You are a father. Your desires come after his needs! Once he's grown, you can move abroad. As for the wanting of more children, not wanting more, and the change of heart on your wife's part, it could be just since she KNOWS that now you CANNOT have more children. Let a bit of time pass, then decide if you two are still compatible as man and wife. As for you, Daddy, you should fulfill your duties as that child's Father and you won't be able to from afar! It can happen, just not yet!

Answer 5

firstly, I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. do you love your wife? and does she love you? find the true answers to them questions then go from there. sounds like your wife is using you to get what she wants. you need to tell her that she cant always have her way and that you both agreed that one child was enough for you. (you still can have kids to her if you want, just not the natural way and it would be a great idea to remind her of that even if you don't really want anymore kids.) if you would like to have more kids tell her that you would, but your not ready to have another one yet. i think it would be best to stay where you are. don't move, becuase that will most definetly affect your relationship with your child and thats the last thing you want. i think you just need to talk about this. work out a time when both of you wont be busy or tied and sort it out. sorry that isn't good but i hope it helped! good luck! :)

Answer 6

It doesn't just sound selfish it IS selfish!! Why didn't you go live abroad before getting married & having a child??? I think your child will never forgive you if you leave him, but it sounds to me like your son would be better off with his mother anyway! I can't understand how anyone could move away from their child or even think about it!

Answer 7

Hello!
I would be careful since you do have a child and if you get a divorce try to get sole custody of the child since it is in the best interest of where the child should live, who ever is the best parent.... She seems to be a bit immature and irresponsible about parenting. I am sure the courts will see to that as well. Make sure you have documents, journals, pictures, and other receipts if you want a good future for your child. Divorce court is tough and sticks to a lot of paper trails and documents for proof make sure you got it on hand.
Best of luck and make sure you do not make it too nasty. Be calm in court too. they look at you as a calm person for custody too not an angry person that has bitter feelings. Get some individual counseling or psychology and take those documents to court as well. Anything helps! Read books about divorce too.
Take care.
Joanne

Answer 8

It's is up to you to decide. I don't know what I would do.

What is more important to you? Will you be able to enjoy being abroad while your son is here? Will be able to enjoy being here with your son and not living where you really want to live?

Many factors are involved. Try to make a pros and cons list. Ideally, you would consult a marriage and family counselor, good friends, other reasonable people. But a professional, like a counselor, knows how to present the options to you so you make the most rational decision. I would not recommend listening to anyone's advice as it is your life and its up to you to suffer the consequences.

One good place to ask for feedback is this forum: www.enotalone.com

Good luck with whichever choice you make.

Answer 9

U need to stay and be a good father. Being a good father is one of the most important things in a person's life. U r selfish. U need to stay for ur child. If it doesn't work with ur wife then u still need to stay close to where she lives to raise ur kid. Good luck!!!

Answer 10

And you didnt thinkl about this before you got married and had a child? Yeah right. Why dont you just quit and leave our country- one less quitter to worry about. Maybe your wife can marry a non-quitter to be her new husband who can think outside the box and make his dreams grow. You must really hate her. How dare she force you to marry her. You are selfish. Divorce her and leave. Don't come back. Quitter.