Between the linen,
above the ground
In times of stillness
shadows of your shape
wavy images of formlessness
In the blackout of the time that I
condensed
next to your pulse…
shore lines of your waist I felt
under my fingertips
those touches and the fragrance
of your skin
pulled me in
never did I guess
in what spirit it was when I
kissed behind your neck
and said
Last night, I think
I made love
to you
2007-11-09 15:51:58 · 9 answers · asked by soFresh&Clean 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
So, the way I read this, the narrator is alone in bed and has a sort of sensual experience of their beloved. The next day, they tell their lover about it.
To me, that seems sort of awkward/comedic. Do people really say things like this? Or have I just misread the poem?
2007-11-09 19:40:54 · answer #1 · answered by Drew 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, too many literalists in the world. Can't we just enjoy this for the delicious ambiguity of it all? I can!
I thought this was lovely. I also thought there were some "shows" in here for example, "shore lines of your waist" and in the beginning, I particularly liked "Between the linen, above the ground" which leaves to the reader's imagination what exactly might or might not have happened.
"wavy images...formlessness" humm, not so good for your skill level.
I liked this a lot.
2007-11-10 09:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poem is very pretty, however, I think you would KNOW if you made love to her.
May a good line would be:
"Last night, I fell in love with you."
.
2007-11-09 17:07:12 · answer #3 · answered by sheek Txn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt it. When I'm done, I only have enough energy to ask her to make a ham sandwich and then I'm off to snoring. If you made love, you'd have no energy left to write this.
2007-11-09 16:00:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's...nice. It could use a bit more work. It has great potential to be a fantastic poem.
2007-11-09 16:01:29 · answer #5 · answered by chrissyopal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think you did. It curves very sensually, feels, and smells like love.
2007-11-09 16:32:09 · answer #6 · answered by Fr. Al 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that was beautiful yes you made love of the heart something deeper in the soul.
2007-11-09 16:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by songbird12 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For a poem that didn't really rhyme, it was surprisingly flowing, i thought...
but i read as quickly as i was taught.
2007-11-09 16:38:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like it was just a dream! no certainty, just a thought or a wish!!
.
2007-11-09 19:48:11 · answer #9 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋