married for 12 years--2 kids, should i divorce or suck it up?

Question

the man doesnt cheat, no drugs, good job but recently called his good old boy cop friends and had me in jail for 2 days on domestic violence. i was trying to get my car keys, i have never been arrested before and felt for paris hilton for the first time! I feel like i could never forgive this. we havent had sex in at least a year, but have a 4 yr old and six year old...any obvious answers out there?

yes i have a temper, and yes he is an ***.the coments on the fact that i couldnt have done so little and gone to jail would have been mine before this happened. i was shocked and floored...red marks on a 6'4'' 300lb man, nothing more. no priors just good ol boys.I especially like the comment saying i should appologize to him. wow. maybe i was just niave about believing most people are good and honest. thank you for the responses...i know there is no answer from strangers who would know all the details, but it does make me think. thanx to all.

Answer 1

You can not be jailed for "tying to get your keys" my guess is you used force of some kind in that act. IMO you should be real or bail because you don't need to go to jail and/or have your kids taken from you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry honey, but its over for you and the husband. You need to do what is right for you and the child. Sure, he's possibly trying to paint you as the "Bad Guy" if you file for divorce. Unfortunately thats one of the ugly truths that people like to use on others in a sour relationship. I know how emotional it can be for a female in this situation. You MUST look beyond the emotions and do what is right while you can. What if he skips town? Then collecting child support becomes even a harder complex issue. You obviously need the finances NOW. Hes not going to change. Its over. He's screwing you because YOU ARE NOT FOCUSED. Its a weapon that people use when divorcing while the other person is caught up in the fog of emotions. Divorce is a LIVING HELL, I know. Death is an ending to something. Divorce is dealing with real living people that once proclaimed to LOVE each other. Going through a divorce rips this all out of your heart and soul. Its terrible. I sympathsize with your feelings and thoughts. But you must do what is right. Your baby depends on you to so. Now is the time, not later. Your folks are clueless to understanding this stuff. Relatives and friends choose sides. You need to take ACTION not sides. Not believeing in divorce is going to change or better your situation. You are not commiting the unforgiveable sin. You will not go to hell. God loves you more than that. Being unequally yoked in the 1st place is possibly what brought this all about anyway. Is your husband a Christian Believer in God? If not there's your answer to your problem. A believer and non-believer will never get along. Again, DO what is right for you and the baby. Its time. I'm sorry.

Answer 3

What did you do to him really besides trying to get your car keys?
Had you been drinking and threaten to drink and drive?

You need to be more honest before you can expect an honest answer. I'm sure you are humiliated by going to jail and it must have been pretty bad to go for 2 days.

So now, you have a record. What assualt & battery?
If you try and leave you know he's going to use that against you.

I wish you would explain a little more in detail, you either did some damage or he set you up for a divorce. Not sure how to answer without knowing. But either way looks like your screwed without being kissed.

Watch your back with this one. I'm sure he's prob. cheating, my ex was cheating on me between his work hours, always home by 5:30 too. The both had flexable hours didn't really have to punch a clock so to speak.
So keep your eye on him, if he has cheated he may back off for awhile if he knows you are ticked off.

Good luck, and make sure the kids are ok, they are old enough to know somethings wrong and see if daddy put in any bad words about you while you were in jail, You know they asked where's mommy.

Answer 4

Well I have a totally different view on this as everyone else.
First off- dont you hate that since the cops were called that they have to arrest you?? Come on- cant they come out and see the situation and just give you a slap on the wrist?? And for him- he must have lost all respect for you by calling the cops. If he cared about you at all anymore he wouldnt have done that no matter what was going on- cops just make situations like that difficult.

Second- Most people will tell you to stick it out for the kids but think of it this way... do you want them to see you together and unhappy? Or apart and enjoying life again. Just because you get a divorce doesnt mean its going to scar them for life- it will be a change for them you just need to get some counseling on how to be good parents after the divorce.

Lastly- My big thing is that we only have one chance at Life. Just one- we dont get a do over. So you need to do whatever you can to be happy while your here. And let me tell you- you may not think so but everytime you fight your kids thinks its their fault. If you have money for marrige counseling then of coarse try that first- but if it doesnt work out then it will be hard to leave- but the secret to Life is happiness- you have to find it anyway you can..... Good Luck

Answer 5

This depends on the situation


Go to a family counselor


If you think taht you will not be happy for the rest of the marriage after trying to make it work. A divorce may be necessary, as long as you make the kids come first. With a dicvore everyone can be happy but with a bad marriage, you and your hubby will be upset most of the time and there is a high chance that your kids will be depressed as well. It be better for them to be around two happy separate parents that love them other then two depressed ones

Answer 6

Please hear me out when I say this....I have been married for 5 years with 2 kids. I am going through the same crap. I think everyday should I divorce or suck it up. Its a tough call. I even had to go see a therapist because the choice is just so difficult. But whats getting to me is that my kids are starting to see how unhappy I am. But I am staying with my husband because of the kids, because I grew up in a broken home. But the more and more I think about it, lifes to short, and you only get one chance at it. So make it the best. Its ok to take risks, its your life, its your choice. The kids will be happy if the family is happy. But try counseling too. It may help. It helped me and my husband (for the time that he did go)

Answer 7

IF this is all he's guilty of, suck it up!!!!!!!! Ur kids will learn from this and thank u later. There are more important issues to split over. U have a decent marriage; and divorce should only be thought of when it's bad and there's no resolution. Divorce should always be a last resort. So see if he'll go to counseling,and then u can work on ur problems. Good luck. Divorce isn't a bad thing in my opinion, but only if it's justified, and in this case, I dont think it is yet.

Answer 8

Well one did u like try to hurt him?
Like is there a reason why he call the cops?
Well with holding sex is no a punishment for men, so dont do that statics say that a health marriage does not go 2 weeks without sex.
If hes a good man then try to work it out
trust me its hard to kind good men now and days.
but if u feel in your heart hes worth keep then try marriage counselling
But if deep down u just cant put up with him anymore then leave
life is to short to be wasted on someone that u really just cant stand.
If your worried about hurting ur kids in the mist of a divorce
dont be its very common and if u sit down and explain to them it will make it alot easier
Make sure not to bash the kids father in front of them it not good to put kids in the middle
I'm not saying u do, but u know just in case
well hope everything works out for u
i hope i helped some
good luck
shony

Answer 9

before you do anything, talk to your husband. It sounds like you want to divorce out of anger and you might regret it afterwards because it is a 12 years marriage. But if you think that he doesn't give you enough affection and no sex for a year, which is important in a relationship, tell him what you want. Communication is really crucial. If it still doesn't work out. Think about what could make you happy. If you think a divorce would make you joyful, go ahead. The kids will get used to it. My parents got separated when i was 5 and it was no big deal. Of course I cried but what do you expect more of a child? She/he will cry for a couple of weeks and they will soon be ok if you take good care of them.

Answer 10

What do you think we all are? A bunch of fools. You are not telling it all. You sound like you got what you deserve. One year later you ask this question? If I were your husband, I would pay for the divorce and try to find a decent woman. Look you have children, and you went and did something to this man (now you are lying about the whole thing) you should not have done--you should have thought about it before you put your children in this mess. I am so sorry for you.......good luck.

Answer 11

Everyone is so quick to save "Get a divorce! Give up!" That's why the divorce rate is phenomenal. Suck it up. You mentioned domestic violence, so maybe you deserved to be put in jail? You didn't leave enough details to really say for sure. You have children to think about, so its time to do what's best for them.