I don't know what to do with my wife! She is so stubborn and it is tearing us apart. Please help!?

Question

I just got married to a wonderful woman 3 months ago. Her behaviour for the past few months has been a bit odd. For one, she will get mad about small things and hold a grudge forever. She leaves the house instead of helping resolve any issues. It makes things so much worse, and she just doesn't get it. Tonight, she got mad at me for giving her old cell phone to a friend who needed it after she told me it was okay. The phone was two years old and unused. She then left and won't answer her phone. This behaviour tears my heart out because I try so hard for her and she doesn't see it.

We are doing counselling next week, be she hates to be judged or criticized. I'm afraid she just won't listen and will hate every second of it.

I don't have a clue on how to get through to her about this. It's tearing us apart. What do I do in a situation like this?

Answer 1

The first year of marriage is always the hardest. Give her some time, she'll get over things and realize she's overreacting. I ran off many times when my husband and I would argue. I couldn't stand to be around him at times, especially living in a really small house. But, after I ran out of places to drive to, I eventually drove home. The driving helped me clear my mind... That's all.

Answer 2

Sometimes my husband leaves during an argument.. he says that driving helps him calm down and when he gets back he feel more ready to get to the heart of the problem and talk it out. I however feel so betrayed when he leaves that I am even more upset than I was when we started fighting. I always feel like when he leaves he is 'walking out' on us and start freaking out he won't want to come back. So we have had to kind of merge both of our coping styles... if he needs to take a mental break, he goes in to another room for a few minutes (which I still dislike) instead of leaving the house.

I really hope counseling will work.. and maybe she will feel more like a counselor is being fair in the constructive criticism, as opposed to when her husband or friends/family does it.

Good luck

Answer 3

Hang in there. The first year is always the hardest. You have to learn how to communicate and get along with each other. Don't sweat the small stuff and always ask your spouse when your going to make a big decision that could effect the both of you. You have to learn to agree to disagree. Going to counseling is good. Be honest about your feelings and talk about what you like and don't like, but not in a critical way.

Answer 4

She sounds like a drama queen. I use to be a little like this, In Oct. I have been married for 14 yrs. I still occasionally rock the boat, realizing later I just wanted attention from my husband.

We are just moody sometimes, and then theres PMS! welcome to marriage. Don't start the counseling this soon, these are not big problems, sometimes the counseling leads to divorce.

She does sound a bit immature, maybe selfish. Once she becomes a mom, you will see a change for the better, it is what I needed.

Answer 5

Think long and hard, was she like this before you got married. I say think long and hard because during the beginning of a relationship, people seem to get along better. She could have someone she is interested in.. You have got to try and talk to her when she is not upset. Wait until one day when she is in a good mood and just say , "Hey honey, is there anything I should know about? Is there something that is upsetting you?" Try and let her know how considered you are about her and your relationship.... Maybe she will open up to you then.

Answer 6

Dude , get a spin here!!!

She's walking all over you and your letting her!

Start doing what makes YOU happy. If she leaves the house to escape, you get on the phone talk with friends, watch a movie, go biking, go to the spa etc..... When she comes back act like nothing ever happened and just go about YOUR business.

If you play into her antics expect to deal with a child for life!

Answer 7

I wish I had the answer to how to deal with a stubborn person, it would make my marriage easier too! I guess you need to sit her down when you are not in a fight and see if you can reason with her then, however, it can't sound like you are attacking her. It needs to be more of a conversation about how it makes you feel....."I feel confused and hurt when we have a fight and you leave without us resolving the issue." And see if she is more responsive and maybe she will even over react less....Good Luck!

Answer 8

I'm sure this wonderful woman was just as immature and babyish BEFORE you got married, and should have been something you might have expected to tolerate after saying "i do".

therapy sounds like a good idea - it's not about being criticized or judged... it's about learning to change our behavior and to better communicate...

the girl needs to grow up ... really.

Answer 9

It might be because you think your doing things right but she doesn't like how you do things. She probably just needs to cool down. Leave her alone for a while. She might be venting on you. Tell her that you know she doesn't like being criticized but if you don't talk then how are you going to resolve problems. calmly explain to her your side and if that doesn't work record everything she says so that you can be sure she tells you its okay to let people borrow her stuff. {Good-luck!}

Answer 10

I think I am guilty of having the same behavior as your wife. My ex bf wouldn't know what to do whenever I walk out in the middle of an argument. I told him several times to let me be and I will eventually cool down. I need the space to breathe and think. When I am ready to come home, all I want to hear from him is "I love you" and nothing else. No explanations. No nothing.