My husband and I are split up now as he drove down to cali from oregon and took his things with him and unpacked at his moms and has been there for 3days now and has decided not to come home. We have had a lot of stress in our lives for different reasons one is we moved my dad in because he has cancer and needs some help and support and we both love him. Anyhow his mom came to visit for a week and decided to run to a hotel when i hurt her feelings about driving down early, I was nervous about our uninsured vehicle and we needed to talk and she heard us arguing and said she didnt want us to argue about her so she was going to a hotel and finding her own way home and I said that I was sorry, I did not mean it, it was a misunderstanding to please stay but she wouldnt and he decided that he couldnt stand how i treated his mom so he was leaving too and bam he was gone. He called, I said come home, work it out, but he went then called to work it out I said it was too late but it hurts so ..
2007-11-09 14:08:01 · 27 answers · asked by scsspace 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no courtney i dont really want to because he does all of those things you mentioned daily.....
2007-11-09 14:15:00 · update #1
yep brea that must be it, I will have learned my lesson after this thank you
2007-11-09 14:26:53 · update #2
You poor dear. It sounds to me like your mother-in-law needs to grow up and stop behaving like an attention-seeking teenager. However much he loves his mum you're his wife and have been having a tough time. So sorry about your dad too.He should support you.
It seems like you both need a little time out after all the stress.I'm sure his mom is enjoying having him all to herself, but she should be encouraging him to work it out with you. Unless he was looking for an excuse to leave, my guess is that , after a while, he will be prepared to talk about things.I hope so anyway.LOL.
2007-11-09 14:17:34 · answer #1 · answered by freebird 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say that it sounds like the two of you could use a little time alone to sort everything out. I'm wondering what was said that made your mother in law leave like that. Sometimes sorry doesn't help because she now knows your true feelings and doesn't know what to do with that. Your husband is sticking up for his mom because whatever you said was undeserved. You could try to find someone to look after your dad and go to Cali yourself and try and work things out with your mother in law. Tell her how you've been losing your mind lately with all the stress and that she's not really the issue. Tell her that it was a just a way to release some built up frustrations and she did not deserve that at all. Give her some money for the hotel and ask her to please forgive you because you are terribly sorry and you truly didn't mean to hurt her. You were just trying to drive a point home to your husband and even that was un called for. Basically do everything you can to gain her forgiveness again and your husband will appreciate what you have done. Get down there unannounced and take her to lunch or something. Then talk to your husband when he's ready.
2007-11-09 14:17:25 · answer #2 · answered by just bored 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2016-10-02 00:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by shantae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand.... went through the same BS three years ago... for about FOUR years!
my father soon enough past away
Give your Hubby some space.
Email him.... once and once only... but be clear about the issues and why you are sorry.
He must also realize that your father is ILL.... this could be a long road ahead of you two.. and he is having problems adjusting.... and that... if he is there for you... should understand.... but if he isn't... it probably be best for both of u.
that he leaves now.
But... if there is anything else i can say.... be sure... to make plans to get away together.... have a nurse come and take care of things at least twice a year... for one week at a time...
This will give you two ALONE time... and freedom...
Weekly alone time for just you,.... and alone time for just HIM is also neccessary... go for nightly walks... or morning.. whatever..... be sure to do little things for yourself.
(be sure to take care of your health... ie/ work out at the gym... walks... bike... what ever... be sure to eat healthier than normal... etc) I remember eating better... yet.... my immune system was ALWAYS LOW and down... Stress can do wonders!!!! (not so good wonders)
anyways... hope that helps.
good luck
w
2007-11-09 14:19:02 · answer #4 · answered by movngfwd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things have a way of working out. I am guessing that he is her baby of their family. Mother's get their feelings hurt easily. I know from experience. But if he loves you, he will be back, but it must be his decision. I was married to the baby, and I am talking from experience. I stayed away because i had to much pride. Your dad means the world to you to and he needs your help more than your husband does, Having cancer, he won't be around forever. You are lucky there, i could have cared less about my dad. You have heard the saying about letting them go, and if it is really true love they will find their way back. I hope it doesn't take you as long as mine did. We were divorced for 20 years and got back together because I felt I should be number one in his life, but his mother was always number one. If you can stand that, wait, he will be back if it is true love. If not, you are better off without him. Hope it helped you.
2007-11-09 14:19:48 · answer #5 · answered by cprucka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a mama's boy.. you should have seen this one coming.
Call the state in the morning to get help with your Dad and don't call the wimp again let him stew until after the New Year if he doesn't come home and say how stupid he was by then you are at least rid of him.. if you have no kids be grateful!
2007-11-09 14:12:21 · answer #6 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight...he has been gone only 3 days and that is long enough for you to decide that it is too late to work out your problems? I would say that that was a good cooling off period for everyone and now you can talk things out without getting so angry. If you still love him and want to be married to him, call him and tell him you are willing to talk things out, maybe get some marriage counseling.
2007-11-09 14:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he really does not sound like a good guy to me.he sounds like he was looking for the right time to take the free as a bird road.and mommy was the ticket out.
1.i would go to Church.
2.a support group
3.write all his faults down and just dream about the next gal that has to deal with it and not you☺
4.there is someone better out there and i have a feeling you might find him at one of those suport groups because he has been there too like you and will not hurt you.
count your blessings.heal your hurt.you are special and deserve better.God bless you and your family.read this book hold tight ill be back to find the name...im back.this helped me big time. kinda silly but relateable is that a word?im a bad speller but even a worst pick a guyer ☺g♥♥d luckhttp://books.google.com/books?id=FXL_AQAACAAJ&dq=Greg+Behrendt&prev=http://www.google.com/search%3Fsourceid%3Dnavclient%26ie%3DUTF-8%26rlz%3D1T4ADBF_enUS225US225%26q%3Dgreg%2Bbehrendt%2Bbooks&sa=X&oi=print&ct=result&cd=1&cad=author-navigational
2007-11-09 14:23:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its going to be hard but u will be the better for it. focus on taking Care of your father and pray. find something for you to do for your self. get busy. trust me i have been there find something to keep you laughing and in a better mood. let him have this time for his self and u take this time for yourself. you are now a care giver and you need a different kind of support then your husband may no how to give you. get your self hook up with a support center. make sure u have your dad set up with a home health agency so you can have help it will be alright, and i will say a prayer for you
2007-11-09 14:20:36 · answer #9 · answered by the maverick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but it sounds like your husband was using the thing w/his mom as an excuse to leave. If it wasn't then that's one of the WORST reasons I've heard for leaving. He's being TOTALLY selfish right now. Is he thinking about how you're feeling at all? It's not all about him. I'd remind him that you're not dating ~ you're MARRIED and he needs to start acting like it. I wish you luck...
2007-11-09 14:12:02 · answer #10 · answered by rrsal77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋