My husband and I have a 2 year old son together but her also has a 5 and 3 year old with his ex-girlfriend. Some of my inlaws complain that I "come between" the parental relationship of my husband and his ex because he is never around her without me. However my husband always tells me he doesnt like being around her without me and I even have to force him to call her instead of me calling most of the times. He has told his family once or twice that he doesnt want to be close to her or deal with her if he doesnt have to. How can I make them understand that this is not just me being an overbearing wife?
2007-11-09 13:49:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not exactly sure all the reason for my husband being like this but he has mentioned that some of the cause is he thinks she still has feelings for him, I and some other people would agree although she doesnt come outright with it.
2007-11-09 13:51:04 · update #1
You cant tell the in laws anything. They have already made up their minds.
Your husband does not need to have any relationship or contact with his ex. Just his kids.
2007-11-09 13:58:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in-laws do not live in your house, live your life or put the roof over your head. What they think really doesn't matter too much. Perhaps your husband's business with his ex and the children is his to sort out and none of their affair. Be a team with your husband, agree on where the two of you stand, and leave the in-laws out of it. If you waste time worrying about what other people think you ought to do in your life, it will take time away from spending time enjoying your husband and children. Gain your own approval and don't worry about thiers. Be nice, be polite and live by your own rules. What they think is their problem, not yours.
2007-11-09 14:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to explain anything. It's none of their business. If they say something. Tell them that you don't like it anymore than they do but you will be there if your husband asks for you to. You will be there for him, not to watch him. You are very fortunate that your husband is on your side because that's what matters. However, I have seen several questions of yours and can't help but suspect there is something else you are not bringing to the table. Did you start to date your husband when he was still with his girlfriend? Did you break them up? Why does your in-laws dislike you so much?
2007-11-10 07:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's your in-laws that are overbearing and intrusive. You are just providing your husband with the support that he needs. Infact, it sounds like you encourage him to maintain regular contact with his children despite the "baby mama drama".
Your husband should address your concerns with his family. Maybe the two of you can come up with a strategy to address them together. It sounds like you want to be accepted and you really need his support.
Of course you must remember, that when you marry a man you marry his family. So if they are the type to stay in your business, you have to be assertive and let them know that "you are not the one"! Otherwise, you are in for a ride girl.
2007-11-09 14:05:11 · answer #4 · answered by 4Seasons 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not matter what the family says. You and your husband have an agreement and that is all that matters. My husband has a child with somebody else and she always calls me a babysitter. We decided to not even justify it with an answer. You probably feel with his family that they are picking her over you and I can see how that may drive you crazy if you feel that way. His family has to understand that she is not a part of his life anymore. They may share kids together but it's over.
2007-11-09 14:23:12 · answer #5 · answered by Mamamia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all- it's none of their business. Second of all- it is 100% appropriate if he doesn't want to deal with her alone. What do they expect? They want him to take her out for coffee?
I find it odd that their complaint would be that he's never around her withou you. Why should he be? Is there any reason why their relationship needs to exceed plans concerning the children? You are his wife- and that is THAT.
I would be concerned if he was somehow making it a point to be around her alone. Your presence does nothing to hurt the children- they understand that their parents are no longer together- and there is no reason to pretend you don't exist.
2007-11-09 13:55:36 · answer #6 · answered by **leigh** 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not owe anyone an explanation about your choices and your private, married life. Your decisions do not affect HIS family, please remember that.
If your husband feels more comfortable with you around when he is dealing with the ex, then it's his and your business, no one else's.
Making excuses and explaining yourself is a waste of time. Just live your life. Your husband's family willl probably always have their opinions... but their opinions don't matter.
2007-11-09 14:11:18 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want his family to stop thinking this your ACTIONS will speak louder. DO NOT make phone calls to her for him anymore, DO NOT go with him when he needs to meet with her for the kids, and DO NOT include yourself with anything else that has to do with him, her and their children. This way you give nobody anything to say or think. As for your husband, he's a man. Make HIM deal with her. This guy needs to learn to deal with her and to speak to her whether you're there or whether you're not because she is going to be in his life for a very long time. As for her feelings, who cares about her feelings she still may have for your husband? I didn't know that having feelings could scare a man away. Tell your husband to grow up and stop using you as a crutch because HE is the one making you look like the overbearing wife. As for you,,you need to stop allowing him to make you his crutch as well. You shouldn't have to explain anything to his family either. They need to mind their own business.
2007-11-09 13:55:36 · answer #8 · answered by grneyedgrly 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have the opportunity to speak to his family, I woud say that, like it or not, you're his wife and you're a part of his life --all of it. I'd say that you don't "come between" them, rather you try to support the parental relationship w/his kids' mother. I'd also say that he's a grown man and is capable of making his own choices. If they keep it up, you may have to have HIM tell them to basically mind thier own business. It's YOUR life and you're HIS wife. Like it or not. GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-11-09 13:58:31 · answer #9 · answered by rrsal77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wish all parents were as considerate as your husband. so he's careful about it. big deal. and yes you are in the right to make him call for parental matters instead of letting you deal with it. so three cheers for you!
as far as the in-laws go.....let it slide. you don't go to bed with them at night, don't take it personal. this isn't a battle worth fighting. they will always have an opinion as long as they breathe. great part is...you don't have to listen to it, so don't.
2007-11-09 13:59:16 · answer #10 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋