I am hurting inside, I feel as if I don’t like my husband at all these are the reasons why…?

Question

am hurting inside, I feel as if I don’t like my husband at all these are the reasons why…



There is no friendship between us. He won’t hold a conversation with me unless itinvolves his job and his money



He is too serious. He is expressionless and rude. He seems to be acting all the time. Like an actor. He tries to baby talk me and five minutes later be rude.

The last few days have been hard; he hasn’t made love to me in 2 weeks and 2 days. Ever since he has been doing my college algebra. He says he is stressed out. He is doing this for me because he said that he wants me to get it over with. I will have to take it a few times. Math hasn’t been my greatest subject. Even though he is taking the math he is mean to me.

We live alone, I like to talk you no get to know each other on a daily basis, and He won’t talk to me about any thing, Sports, or anything. If I try to just have a conversation with him he yans and rolls his eyes and just stares at me. Often he will smirk at me in a making fun of me manner.

Often in the car I have to have conversations with my friends because he won’t talk to me. I have to find things to amuse myself with.

He laughs at me not with me. Makes fun of me, in a relationship we are supposed to laugh together.
Not at someone.

When we go out dancing, he won’t twirl me around or do anything with me. He just rocks a little. At looks at me no dipping no laughing no having a blast anything

There is no laughter in the marriage, he wont kid he is very uptight, he doesn’t expressing self to me at all. He wont sing, dance in front of me

Very closed in, quiet wont let me know him and then he blames me for it and tells me I don’t know him and if I did I would trust him. I would trust him if he let me in he keeps me locked out. We are together but I feel so far apart. I am not close to him but he is close to me he says... maybe because I let him in and he keeps me out. (I don’t know him because he keeps me out.

When we make love, he has sex with me in the same position all the time. He doesn’t really connect with me and doesn’t exactly really want to.

I am the giver and lover he isn’t. He is the taker.
If I want to talk about my friends or family or anything really he just won’t talk.



If I want to talk to him about problems he refuses to listen an d if he does listen he will just tell me its all in my head and that hear we go again,

He is rude in our house. If I am not ready for bed and he is, he turns off the lights while I am walking around the house. He turns off the TV when I am watching it, if we fight about it he says you said you were going up stairs to sleep. He manipulates me, I said to him. I said I was going up to bed but I was still watching the TV. He always turns the lights off on me when I am walking around the house. I have to walk in the dark.

When I am sick, he won’t take care of me, when he is sick I take care of him. Get is median and things,

He wont use sex toys on me or even make love to my body he rushes threw sex and its over in 10 to 15 minutes if that.

He accuses me of his STD that he caught he tells me I gave it to him and it makes me cry. He gave it to me and didn’t tell me he had it until 2 years later.

He sides with people that are being mean to me; he won’t step up as a man and defend what he is supposed to love.

He expects me to shower him with good sex and attention even though he doesn’t give it to me,

He is horrible in bed; he won’t participate in any sexual games or fantasy things with me so I am always bored. He tells me I lay there and he needs something more but I am the one who comes up with all this cool stuff to do and he refuses to do it.

No matter what I say and do I am wrong about it. If he is wrong he won’t admit to it,

WE cant do anything that’s free like lay in the grass and he together cause he wont talk to me and if he does its about business so every thing we do has to be about money

He agrees with every thing that I say.

I don’t trust him; he just acts like he just doesn’t give a ****,


Takes care of me financially but not emotionally. Gives the wrong things.

We don’t have the same friends. He wont bring his friends around me keeps them far far away. He doesn’t hang with any friends, and he is strange. I feel lonely a lot. Don’t know what to do .what will happen if I let him go. I want things to be different he wont listen to me and change. I tell him we need to have friends hang out with them do things he wont bring his friends around me and he keeps me far away from everyone.

He doesn’t like it if his friends and family pay attention to me he wants all the attention h e is afraid they are going to like me better or something. He thinks that they are going to like me and turn on him it’s like a fight.

He tries to shub me in a sardine can and lower myself esteem by doing all of these things.

If were on a small vacation like going to see family he wont stop so I can smell the flowers and take pictures and things.

He just wants sex when he wants it and that’s it , he will make sure its not worth having with him he makes sure we never have fun together


But yet, he will do some of my math and help me with school. Pay all my bills take care of me and give me money

Answer 1

Wow, I really feel for you. It is so obvious you are suffering. And of course he knows it, he is causing it on purpose like a power trip.

I hate to tell you this, but he is NOT going to change. Right now, he holds the reins in the relationship and you are just along for the ride.

As long as you're with him, you will never be able to get the self-esteem you need to move on. He will knock you back down emotionally every time you get ahead.

This is a time where if you have any friends or family you can lean on and turn to, you really need to. You really need to consider starting again, a new life, a new residence, and in time, a new relationship.

You can clearly identify everything you despair of in this man. This will help you in the future when you choose a new man. Don't take this as me saying it is your fault. It's not your fault. He has problems that are very serious. Problems that won't go away no matter what you do. Frankly, he needs help. But it is not up to you to save him. It is up to you, to save YOU!

I for one am hoping that you do. You ARE worth it!

All the best,
Sweetleaf

Answer 2

I get the feeling that he is older than you. You talk of him providing financially, but not really being there for you in the ways that matters. When the two of you got married, did you love him? Did he love you? How long did you date before getting married? How long have you been married? Did anyone warn against your marriage?

You speak a lot of him not "knowing you", not spending time, not being willing to even talk about sports (which most guys would like, I would guess). You also say there is no trust - and that's crucial. Everyone has their faults, no one is 100% polite all the time - but trust has to be there.

So what is your marriage made of? It really sounds like a bartered arrangement here- you give him sex, he has a female to come home to, he can say he is not single, and he has someone to do the cooking and cleaning probably? You get financial assistance with your schooling and, it sounds like, want this to work but are fed up with it being a sham.

Your marriage is so full of disappointment and I think you really have to make a decision - with your husband - if you want to be together or not. I'm a college student, and I'm broke like no joke - so I understand that you need money - but staying in an unhappy marriage just because you have bills is not the answer.

Ask yourself this: would you still be with him if you were financially independent? If the answer is yes, then tell him how unhappy you are and that you want to go to couples counseling so you can make your relationship better. If he refuses, then you can go alone. Your school probably has a free counseling center. The counselor can probably give you some insights on how to deal with him.

Answer 3

I think to some degree most relationships will stagnate in this manner. Relationships take a lot of work and clearly he is taking you for granted.

As much as I love my wife I am also guilty of the same things you are describing here and indeed I have caught my wife saying things very similar to what you are saying now.

I had fallen victim to the mindset that by providing for my wife and taking care of all the responsibilities that I was entitled to have a happy wife and that she should appreciate the things I did so much that she should overlook any other fault that I had.

Of course a woman needs a lot more than just financial support as I found out. I was completely out of touch with what a woman really needed. Regrettably she had to split from me in order for me to realize it. We spent four of the saddest months of my life apart from each other.

The good news is that there is hope. My wife and I have since patched things up and have been living together again for over a year now. We are both very happy and the time apart showed us how much we meant to each other. Now, nothing makes me happier than putting in that extra effort in the relationship, because as a result I found out that my wife loves me more than I ever could have imagined. Now that I give her what she really needs she is thrilled to show me what true love really is.

You will have to decide for yourself if a break is feasible for you. Looking back though I can't really see any other way my wife and I could have survived as a couple. The main problem is that your husband seems to refuse to communicate on this problem just as I did, but I can say that the true depth of my wife's sorrow was not realized by me before she left. You may want to try and communicate further with him but you should consider spending some time apart if you efforts to communicate result in fighting.

Answer 4

Sweetie, you need to ask yourself why you are married to a control freak who takes pleasure in belittling you and gives you nothing but heartache. You don't mention how long you've been married, but I'm here to tell you that things will only get worse between the two of you if you don't go to counseling and work things out. Doing your math and paying your bills is not enough of a reason to keep this marriage going if things are as bad as you say - you need to decide if your life would be better with him or without him and go from there. No one else can make that decision for you.

Answer 5

I don't mean to mean but what is wrong with you? this man is looking rigth through you. The only time he sees you is when he wants something from you.Listen to your own heart.Is this the way you want to be treated? Honey you got to fall in love with yourself again. I know. This lady been there too. I had one. Don't let me get sick. I was on my own.He would talk behind my back to the people I knew. Also side with people who didn't like me. Flirted with women right in front of my face. when I flipped. It became all about me.LOOK UP!!!!!

Answer 6

Your husband is an immature, inconsiderate, selfish jerk and doesn't deserve you. If you have any way of walking out on him and leaving him to his own devices, do it. If he is likely to get violent toward you if you walk out, get somebody to protect you. You should talk to a counselor about your situation and your legal rights. This is too complex a situation to be solved on Yahoo! Answers, but the simple answer is that you need to get rid of him, or leave him.

Answer 7

get out now! find a man who will love an look afer you!

Answer 8

have you tried going to church to see loving couples ? Maybe he can see how he is supposed to act. Hope he isnt having an affair

Answer 9

wow thats a long post... well you need to talk to him about all of this.

Answer 10

So why are you with this ******?