I am experiencing marital problems since the birth of my son.?

Question

For the first 4 weeks after my son was born, my relationship w/ my husband was very strong, but over the last few months things have become very bad and our relationship is really strained. I have been home w/ my son for almost 4 months and return to work soon. He feels that I am a control freak w/ our son and that whatever I say goes...his opinions or suggestions don't matter. He feels that I am unbearable to be around. Anything I do regarding our son angers him. Tonight he fed him a 6 oz bottle of expressed milk and my husband felt he wanted more. After a big burp I thought my son was content. He was put down and woke 2x. We gave him another ounce finally and he fell asleep. Because I did not even consider his suggestion he feels that I do whatever I want and his thoughts don't matter. I don't mean to be this way and I don't want to continue to push him away, but I don't know how to change when I am with my son 24 hours a day! Any suggestions.

Answer 1

I guess one of the parent needs to take the decision of child-rearing and you both have to talk that over. Mostly I feel that a child of 4 weeks and even older say till 5 years, needs his/her mother for child-rearing and child care. A mother understands more of her child's need and care as compared to fathers. I guess the father should understand that.

Answer 2

If this is your first child, maybe your husband is having a difficult time adjusting to the fact that your attention is not fully on him and your marriage, but split between him and your new baby. It could also be that maybe he's just stressed because he's overwhelmed with all the new parental duties and is just misdirecting his stress and frustration. Unfortunately, men do not have the same parental insticts that women have when a child is first born; hence, "maternal instincts." I think you should speak to him calmly about it or take him up on some of his suggestions if they're reasonable. If/when you feel that the suggestions he is offerring are not beneficial to the baby, try to find a way to compromise or offer a revision to his suggestion without directly dismissing it. Ultimately, if he is not receptive to your attempts at diffusing his frustration try speaking to him while the baby is asleep and when you two are completely alone. Maybe you could even get a family member to babysit the baby one night so you both could spend some quality time together. Good luck! I hope everything works out =)

Answer 3

Having a child can sometimes frustrate a marriage. I know we are the mother and we know whats best. I was the same way but sometimes even if hes not there 24/7 give him some slack and let him do what he does as a father. Give him compliments on how great of a father he is and when i would go to the grocery store or something i would pick up a card saying "best dad" or whatever. It wasn't much but it made his day all the time. He knows that you are very important in the babys life. He just wants to know that he is important too. Good Luck. <3

Answer 4

This is actually very common. Your entire relationship has permanently changed, and it takes a while to figure things out again. I would take a little longer to consider his suggestions, and make explanations if you don't agree. Since you are the one with the baby all day every day, dad needs to admit that you do know the baby better. But you need to be more humble about it, so he doesn't feel like a bad father. If worse comes to worse, seek counseling, either just for yourself or as a couple if he's up for it.

Answer 5

this will be the hardest thing you ever do. let him do it. you have instincts that he trusts. you need to trust his instincts. you have been so confined with your son 24 hours a day, 7 days a week you don't know how to let someone else handle it. please.....take an hour a day away from the baby. even if to go to the market. let daddy be daddy. the baby will be fine. millions of men have raised children. don't let your husband get left out.

fyi, it will get worse when you drop your child off at daycare for the first time. you will cry for hours and weeks on end. it's the worst feeling in the world. just remember, that feeling... will pass. i promise.

Answer 6

He wants to experience that baby also. Let him do what he wants. It will not hurt to let him feed the baby more. He will not eat it if he is not hungry. Since you are there with the baby all of the time when he comes and wants to take over let him. Go do something for yourself and relax. Take a nap, a bath, read a magazine but let him do it and you just relax. It will get easier after a bit. If you are going back to work soon you better get prepared for someone else to take care of him too. Good luck.

Answer 7

For one thing you need to go back to work. Let your husband do things for the baby afterall he helped to bring him into this world..Don't push him away ...Don't tell him he is wrong let him find out for himself..It takes two to make a marriage work and two parents to help raise a child..
Don't be telling him he cant do this or that for your son because that is pushing him away.

Answer 8

it's hard, but sometimes you have to let dad do it his way - he's feeling disconnected from the baby and underappreciated as a father

what would be most excellent is for you to express/store enough milk to leave baby with dad for a whole day - it's a win/win mom - dad gets to learn all about his little guy first hand and you get a break (even if it's to go to a girlfriends house and just sleep!)

Answer 9

from what i have heard, this is very common for first time mothers. i know i was the same way. you feel like no one can take care of your child and no one knows them better than you do, even your own spouse. you are just going to have to realize that he, or anyone else, is not going to do things exactly the way that you do and it's fine. trust me, after you get back to work, everything will relax more. just apologize to him and tell him that you will work on it.

Answer 10

Even if you don't necessarily think that his suggestions are right or that they will help just say ...yeah, maybe your right...and then do it your way anyway. I'm not saying that only your way is the right way I'm just trying to give you an example of how you can make it seem like your taking his advice when your not.