My man started a fight with me for no real reason. He says I don't show him that I appreciate him, but I am usually the one that initiates physical contact, I do the little romantic things, and I call him all the time. We are in a long distance relationship but we see eachother often. I don't show him when the things he says hurt me, thats just how it was in my family. Then when he really does cross a line he acts like all he has to do is stop arguing and I'll be okay. Well yesterday he crossed a line and I told him I needed time to think if this relationship was healthy or not. All couples fight and he is a good man, but I worry that he is projecting his unhappiness with himself out on me. what do you think?
2007-11-09 11:40:29 · 16 answers · asked by The thinker 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that you really should take a break of a couple of weeks or so from your man. If he seems unable to respect your feelings and know how much he is hurting you with all the arguing, then he needs a little time to think about what he could be loosing if he continues to act the way he does.
If I were you, I would tell him that you just don't feel happy with the way things have been recently and need some alone time for both of you to think about what you really want.
If he respects you, then he should have no problem with that. It would be good for the both of you, as you can have time to pamper yourself and regain some strength, and he can have time to contemplate how much his attitude is affecting your relationship.
it seems to me that he is probably quite insecure and unsure of himself. Maybe he has had a bad relationship before or is scared that you don't love him as much as you did in the beginning. Whatever the case, there is never an excuse for him to take it out on you. You should remind him that you will always be there for him when he is feeling unhappy, but that he shouldn't ever try to make you feelthe same, as that's completely unconstructive to your relationship.
I hope things work out okay for you and him. taking a break doesn't mean cutting all contact for a while, just not having physical contact. You can still talk on the phone and try to remember why it was you fell for each other in the first place. Maybe arrange for something really special when you next meet up, like a romantic meal and a hotel, or anything that will make you both feel happy.
Hopefully, you will remember what it is that makes you work as a couple, and he will feel damn lucky that you have given him another chance.
Good luck
2007-11-09 11:54:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the two of you need a break and then need to sit and talk to each other. Often a long distance relationship has a bigger chance of failure for that reason alone. He may be frustrated that there is a long distance between the two of you or he could be cheating on you with someone. You don't know because of the distance thing. If he writes to you, check his handwriting at handwriting wizard and that will tell you more about him. He may be looking for a reason the dump you and taking a brek will give him a chance to either do that or talk to you about what the problem is. Remember, set something free and if it comes back to you it is yours. If it doesn't it never was yours. Good luck!!
2007-11-09 19:53:30 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is trouble . Most importantly, the reality here is that he is the one that does not appreciate you or your efforts in the relationship. It sounds like he does not apologize to you for his actions and then, by the mere fact that he has stopped arguing, assumes (expects, wants, believes) that everything is okay without actively saying I am sorry to you.
You need to try to learn how to be more forthright in your reactions and speak to what you feel when he has done something that has hurt you. You've already done so by requesting some space. A great move.
I think he has the expectation that you will always bend to his wishes and that if you don't, he sounds like he has the potential for being an abuser.
I say get out now...move on to better pastures. You deserve far better than this man who sounds so disinterested in your feelings and so manipulative and self centered.
2007-11-09 19:50:48 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Pea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK Thinking is never a good thing ;) heheh.
As from what I see here, I don't think holding your feelings back will accomplish anything.
If you truly feel comfortable and cared for by who your with(which is what you should want.) then you should feel that it is safe to discuss how you feel. If you don't feel good about that, or you have reason to hold back, how will your relationship blossom?
He started the fight, maybe he was just trying to get a frustration out to you and it came off as a confrontation, he needs to rethink his approach to that sort of thing but, you too might need to see things the way he might view your relationship.
also you need to allow him to know how you see it so he might take what you say and act upon it.
Instead of comming here and asking random people what we think, ask him what he thinks ask him this same question, you made the problem pretty clear to us.
tell him your upset he was mad, and just attempt to solve things, see where both of you stand.
I hope you can make sense of what I typed here.
Good luck to you!
Take care.
2007-11-09 19:51:54 · answer #4 · answered by Paul M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good healthy relationship revolves around open communication, it's not about holding things back, or stop arguing without resolution. If you don't think you'll be able to get to that point with him, then take the break.
2007-11-09 19:50:15 · answer #5 · answered by John R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think Elisha is right. Be careful with this guy. Possibly you should open up more often and tell him his words are hurtful to you. If you don't draw the line, he will cross it and have no idea he is getting a reaction. Be honest with him and, if he keeps on with the self-pity instead of talking things over, dump him.
2007-11-09 19:47:07 · answer #6 · answered by Me, Too 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ms Thinker, if you go outside and the wind is gusting around 40 to 45 mph. Would you open up your umbrella in this condition, what do you think?
He is not worth having a relationship, he show his true self that he is not stable and wants his way. Let him go and the fights will go away.......
2007-11-09 20:20:47 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to fight, and it takes two to love. What are you learning here? I wonder about your statement, "I don't show him when the things he says hurt me, that's just how it was in my family." Is that what you want? By not showing him what hurts, you are granting permission for the hurting behavior to continue....
The two of you have something to teach each other, if you are willing to look, listen, and learn, rather than just walking away.
Life will teach you in one way or another to stand up for yourself, do you want to do that with him, or with somebody else?
2007-11-09 19:56:01 · answer #8 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he calls you back and tells you that he can't live without you and then go out on a date to straighten things out. Tell him how you really feel. Make sure that he is the one that calls you not the other way around.
2007-11-09 19:49:52 · answer #9 · answered by Peter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I dont think long distant relationships last but u need to sit down and talk to him because....u need to figure what u both want out of this relationship.
2007-11-09 19:51:14 · answer #10 · answered by xllx_chely_xllx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋