Married and Confused About Other Men?

Question

Been married almost 20 years to the kind of man I had prayed for most of my life. He is kind, helpful, funny, smart, a wonderful dad and very good looking (added bonus). About 10 years into marriage things just went wrong. I developed a severe crush on a man who was into me. Consequently, we formed a friendship with benefits that involved a couple of kisses (no sex). Sometime in the next year while out of town I encountered 2 men who were close to our family and I proceeded to have sex with one and just kissed the other one. Why on earth would I do something like this to the man I swore in front of God and many people that I would love and cherish forever, for better or worse? A few months ago I engaged in flirty conversations with 2 guys from my work. I have made a full confession to my husband, who claims that he’s suspected my infidelity all along.

Why have I done this? I’m optimistic that we can work it out, and he will accompany me to counseling.

Answer 1

You enjoy male attention. Nothing more, nothing less.

Answer 2

Did you mary young? Maybe you are frustrated about being "tied down". But really that probably would stem from dissattifaction at home. I'm not just talking about sex either... conversation, time alone,....you did say after ten years. But I have also encountered other wives who cheat on their very loving husbands for no very good reason at all and no I would not call them whores. They are the poor girls who were sexually abused as children or raped. Somewhere inside they feel empty and feel the need to find attention from willing men. Maybe not the propor attention but still just trying to fill an intollerable void in their lives. Please if you are one of these victims seek counseling for yourself. Take no heed to what people call you.

Answer 3

im sorry to say this but i agree that we all make mistakes and the first time we got to learn from it, but it seems that you don't learn why are you doing this to a man who like you say is caring and has all the characteristics an honest and faithful girl would want and can't find.

If your husband forgave you already for all those "slips" on your past then stop before it gets too nasty remember what goes around comes around...

" A person will reap what you sow, and what you do in darkness will always come to LIGHT"

we never leave this world withoug paying what life has giving us. Be careful and stop doing this or you'll end up alone and old for the rest of your days...

Answer 4

You ask a good question. I think the people who responded saying you could be lacking the attention from your husband are probably more accurate than those who are calling you names. I know when we put questions on here, we are opening ourselves up to all kinds of opinions, but the more I read responses, the more I am amazed at how judgmental some of the people are. I have been judgmental of others in the past. God has a way of turning it around on us and puts us in the same situation. Maybe we will respond in the same manner.

Answer 5

because you are only human. It is a good sign that you feel guilt about this and are open to your husband. Like you both vowed for better or worse and this is one of those worse times. You know monotony gets boring after a while that is one of the reasons they say marriage is very hard. I dont think it is about sex with anyone else I just think it makes people feel good and flattered to flirt and be flirted with, its human nature. If you didnt feel remorse or guilt and continued to cheat then you would be wrong but you do and you want to work on keeping your marriage strong, remember nobody is perfect, only God (and he still understands and forgives.) So dont beat yourself up about this, just move forward and work on the present and future with your family. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

My wife is doing the same thing to me right now....but in her case she is having online cyber sex affairs and plans on taking it to the next level soon where she finally meets these guys...some half her age. I dont understand it and no one has an answer to this.....how can you do this to your husband? You need to see a psychiatrist and get yourself some help. If you really loved him, you would not want to hurt him. Either get out of his life or stop cheating. It is very very very painful! I know it is! I am going through it now! You obviously have a sex addiction and need to get treatment...it is not the guys you are meeting....it is YOU!!!!You have a problem!

Answer 7

I honestly think it is pretty sad knowing what this could do to your husband, your child(ren) and so many other people in your family, but yet you still do or did or are doing what could cause such hurt and dismay let alone embarrasment. Yes, God may forgive but to know not to do it but yet do it is still yet a sin. I sure hope in all of this you learn a valuable lesson that benefits are things that ADD to your life not take away.

Answer 8

You're taking some form of power that your husband has over you away. I'm not saying he is a power freak or abusive, but somewhere in your mind you started to see him as your suppressor. 20 years is a long time. I think you stepped out of bounds, not because you're a bad person or meant to hurt your husband, but to reclaim what is yours.... your decisions.
The added bonus is not his good looks, it's him willing to work through the infidelities.
Best of luck to you both.

Answer 9

i think when there is an attraction elsewhere, there is usually some problems within the marriage. sometimes major sometimes minor ones. is your hubby giving you enough attention? OR it's YOUR problem. did you get enough love when you were a kid? does your heart swing easily? did you ever put yourself in his position? you should get some counselling to understand yourself and your relationship with your hubby.

Answer 10

I don't know why you did it, but you are very lucky. I would have told you to hit the bricks and I would not have looked back.