seniors and marriage?

Question

for any seniors, what do you think about marriage? i'm a sociology student conducting a survey on marriage relationships at http:geocities.com/sbiv37/ i'd love your input.

oops: http://geocities.com/sbiv37/

Answer 1

I've been married almost 45 years to the same man. I saw him as my lifes' partner and would be so, since I felt I would
have children with him, if it was meant to be. We didn't plan
to have children tho, and that was accepted by both of us.
We were soul mates and in for the long haul, so to speak.
We had many obstacles to overcome during our marriage
and my giving birth to two children. Which were both accidents, that changed the course of our marriage some-
what. My husband felt more tied down and wasn't able to
follow some of his dreams. And I had no chance to follow
some of mine as well. I couldn't find sitters to take care of
our children for me to find work, and had a job waiting for
me, had I been able to. I became a workaholic in the home,
and a fanatical cleaner, just to keep myself busy all the time.
I look back now, and wish I had been more relaxed and
given the children more of my time. I find now, it's not as im-
portant to have a shiny clean household, and that if people
come to visit, they will accept the clutter they now will find.
It just isn't as important to clean as it was once. And now it
is difficult to stoop over and try to be the neatnick.
Marriage is a relationship that sometimes has to be
worked at. You can't just run away when times get hard. When
the lack of money doesn't stretch til the end of the month. You
find other ways to bring it in and fill the gap. Even if it has to
be from charitable means. You stay and stick it out. When
people decide to put an end to their marriage, it's often due
to their immaturity, in being unable to solve problems or meet
their partner halfway. If there is the problem with infidelity,
those problems can still be worked out with a sympathetic
and loving partner. Usually it's indicated also, that they have
had a break down in talking to each other and they need to
resume good communication skills to go over what flaws
have appeared between the two of them.
I never once went to my mother with a problem. I didn't
want her to suspect there was anything wrong. And I worked
out things on my own, or with my husband. I would not admit
to any problems, had she asked. I was trying to show her I
was in fact mature enough to handle my husband through
thick or thin. And he never left me, nor I him. Even tho there
were tempting times. We resolved all of our issues, and
when they come up, we still do. Marriage is definately a
partnership that takes bargaining and cooperation when
times do get tough. Not every marriage is smoothe sailing.
Often ones' health breaks down and keeps a couple from
being and doing all that they once thought would be their
future goals in life.
It pays to take those vacations together, and do the things
that take youthful bodies to do the hiking and swimming
and other recreational pleasures that sometimes are
curbed as people age and become less agile and more
rickety. I wish now, I would have been more emphatic on
going dancing. I miss that and wish I had not given in. It
had been something we did, as well as listening to live
club music that allowed my husband to have the right
atmosphere to enjoy a couple of drinks occasionally. Soon
drinking out, became too expensive and we started staying
home, more and more. An evening out, became a rare
treat. And unless we had a company affair to go to, we
sat in front of the tube, or playing cards with friends. And
we began having our own New Years parties, since it was
far cheaper than the packages at hotels and other enter-
tainment venues.
Today, if I had known the hardships of staying married and
losing an income, which we could certainly use, I might have
considered divorcing. But we were told the SS would frown
on that, just to ensure two incomes again. So staying married
through retirement years has had it's trials and tribulations, as
it's been nearly impossible to get by on one low income a
month. But we are managing to survive, but aren't the happy
people we once were.

Answer 2

I remarried this year becasue someone needed me, we shortly after found he has inoperable cancer.
SS hasnt given me a pension yet but he has needed me as his carer since July I have not benn able to work since then. Last Friday found me crying but its not the money its that I feel that I am devalued and my important task devalued. If I wasnt looking after him he woul dhave to be in a hospice which would cost the government more than giving me a pension.
After all I have contributed to society I need a little help now and I cant get it becasue it is deferred
I am pleased and proud that I can do for him something which means so much. Although I have worked all my life paying taxes for forty years I could have been finacially much better off never to have married him but at the time he was working and life was going to be so much different, the deal was that he would support me to keep house for him. Don't regret it one bit you see someone needs me and I can very much ease his way.
As well as working I did volunteer work as well, in earlier times as a cub scout leader, then later working with the disabled and currently I just record local newpapers onto tapes for the partially sighted.
I know that I very much deserve help now but well, feeling you don't get what you deserve only makes you bitter.
I have a roof over my head ( no mortgage) I have been able to help my children finacially and I get holidays every now and then so why would I waste my time regretting the decision to have married him?
He is still here, he has been given 3 to 6 months ( liver cancer) and although it is unlikely I will be able to gain employment after I have finished this task ( which is one allocated to me by a much higher authority that the SS people) something will work out.
I am OK because I am needed and loved by many.

Answer 3

Most Seniors that I know, when they
find a love match late in life, usually
do not get married, but live together.
It goes against many morals, but that
is the fault of a bias in the Social
Security regulations.
If they both are receiving Soc. Sec.
when they start their home, they can
combine their incomes and live
fairly confortably.
If, on the other hand, they legally
marry, then the wife loses all her
SS benefits or maybe it's only half
now. But in any case, their monthly
income is drastically reduced.

Answer 4

I think the gradual acceptance of homosexuality is a positive thing that would be more positive if it weren't so gradual. I think gay marriage should be granted civil union status so that those long-term commmitments earn the right to the disposal of the belongings and financial proceeds of the other upon death, also the same rights as family in hospitals. Also think at the instant of conception, each of our sexual orientations is set.

Answer 5

I really enjoyed being married when I was younger. But my divorce was rough with fighting over pensions, 401Ks and property.I am hoping for a life companion sometime, but I will not marry again without a prenup and some investigation on what social security benefits I would lose.

Answer 6

I am a widow and was married for 21 years to Mr. Perfect. Later on I dated - had a couple of opportunities to marry again, but - - - well, once you've had steak you do not want hamburger!!! Also once you are over 62, one partner would suffer the loss of a good portion, if not all, of their social security check. It would take a lot to make me change my mind on marrying again - he'd have to be a millionaire and give me a very sizable monthly allowance (all put in writing of course) before I would take that plunge again - NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM!

Answer 7

Its the best thing going. You'll live longer and stay healthier. My friend Chuck got married almost 3 years ago, Valetines Day. He was 79 and Dorothy is 70.

Love happens when and how love happens.

Answer 8

I think it's sad that so many young people seem to cut and run at the first little bit of trouble. They'll never know what it's like to work through the rough times and build relationships that grow stronger and stronger through the decades.

Answer 9

I don't go to websites since my last virus. For seniors, it can be a financial decision. If you've both worked all your lives and have earned Social security, the government wants to take at least of half of one of them if you marry.

Answer 10

Marriage can be wonderful or it can be the absolute pits. I am married for the 4th time so I should know.and 50 plus yr old.