My boyfriend and I are positive we love each other and we will get married, but he has had to see his parents divorce and re-marry several times and I think is getting really scared about us. He asks questions like what if we get divorced.. like I wanna think about that. What do I tell him and what do I do to feel better about us getting married?
2007-11-09 09:09:11 · 9 answers · asked by Loo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is becoming such a typical situation more and more, and I feel for you. He is obviously very insecure about marriage and might even feel that it's an unattainable goal to stay with one person for the rest of his life - now matter how much he really wants that!
I suggest the two of you seek professional counseling. If you are serious about getting married in a religious ceremony, then most faith leaders are credible counselors. Today most insist on premarital counseling before they will perform a marriage ceremony. If you have not decided yet about marriage, it's still a good idea to find a therapist to talk with together.
Of course throughout everything support him with confronting this fear of his, no matter how ridiculous it seems to you. I think you two will get married even if you never really confront this issue, but please believe me you want to settle it NOW.
2007-11-09 09:22:57 · answer #1 · answered by musethefirst 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marry is a change anyway, some make it and some dont but you cant base others on yours, because you guys may make it and they couldnt. I never thought I would be thinking about divorce when my husband and I get into it but yes it happens but we are going on 8 years so it varies. If you both love each other and are willing to work together it should be fine. Good luck!!
2007-11-09 09:14:55 · answer #2 · answered by hershey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Re-assure him that he is his own person and that as long as he maintains that he wants to work through any troubles that you two have, he shouldn't worry so much about it. Just because your parents have issues, doesn't mean that you will inevitably take those same issues on in your adulthood. For example, my mother is an alcoholic. I have faith that I will never have a chemical dependency problem because my moral fiber dictates that I need to take care of my body and that I will not hurt others because of some self-destructive habit I have. My father is a womanizer. I have faith that I will not treat lovers like kleenex because I don't sleep with people that I don't care about and I don't start relationships with people unless I am sure that it is what I want. I hope this helps.
2007-11-09 09:47:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he is an individual and just because his parents went through that, it doesn't mean that he will. In fact, you guys will probably be able to teach his parents something. My mother married 4 times. She never stayed married for more than 2 years. My sis has been married for 14 yrs., I have been married for 8 yrs. My bro. has been married for 7 yrs. We have vowed not to be like our mother. Your fiancee can do the same. Good luck!
2007-11-09 09:55:15 · answer #4 · answered by lawstudntbynite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you don't want to be a statistic and that you two have to decide now to stick together through thick and thin, and be determined not to get divorced. We separated for a few months, but got back together. I am the only child in two generations in our family who is not yet divorces. And it's because I was determined not to be a statistic.
2007-11-09 09:13:16 · answer #5 · answered by jo :) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is worried about divorcing you after marrying you, find someone else. He obviously has doubts about you, that's why he is worried. If he was truly in love with you he wouldn't even be thinking about divorcing you before marrying you.
2007-11-09 09:29:04 · answer #6 · answered by nutty 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend is a very complicated man. People who think in a negative way are always bound to fail.
You need someone who would make feel secured in every way. But Most important, let God be your counselor.
2007-11-09 09:15:04 · answer #7 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many programs to counsel engaged couples, to help them make good choices or to be sure about the choice they made. Perhaps you could look into one of these? Many churchs have them, so if you are active in a church, that will be a good place to start.
2007-11-09 09:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by marystoy_2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious he doesn't WANT to get married. If he did want to he wouldn't be bringing up "what ifs". What you tell him is that it isn't the appropriate time for the two of you to be discussing marriage since he obviously isn't ready and either you stay together as you are for the time being or you go your separate ways.
2007-11-09 09:34:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋