Relationship question...?

Question

We have been engaged for about a year now, we have a 5 month old son, and we seem to be going good at times. However, when ever a really big argument comes up, she either leaves or throws me out, then calls me about 8 hours later and wants to talk about it. The same thing happened today, she woke me up at 630 to yell at me and throw me out for a text message MY OWN BROTHER sent to MY PHONE!!! she read it, didnt like it and said get out. then she called me at 2pm and wanted to talk. she still wants to make this work and so do I, but i cant take that kind of emotional abuse again. What do you guys think i should do?

Answer 1

The next time she throws you out. Keep walking.

Answer 2

First of all, she might actually be post-pardum with a 5 month old in the picture. Women go through an amazing amount of hormonal changes before, during and after childbirth. Now if this is regular behavior for her, meaning that she's always acted this way, then you may have other issues to deal with. She could be really insecure about something like her looks, relationships, men, etc. How well do you really know her? Women that tend to "push" others away in times of difficulty may just be avoiding having to deal with the real problems. On the other hand, consider your own behavior and track record with her...have you given her reasons to not trust you, not believe you or to think that there's something to be upset about? What exactly did your brother text you...? If it was porn, naked pictures or something that could be considered disrespectful to your fiance', then she may have had a right to be upset about it.

I hate to say this, but we women can be puzzling creatures at times and some of our behaviors can't always be explained. Your best bet is to try to really understand what it is that's making her upset. If she has valid reasons, then you need to do your best to respect her and not do the things that upset her.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

That's a tough situation. My suggestion is try NOT talking to her when she decides she's ready, that way you can give her a taste of her own medicine. I definetely don't suggest leaving after an argument but it may just be her way of needing space to clear her head and really think about the situation. If you don't respond to her reaching out she will hopefully realize how she makes you feel. After she comes to her senses about everything sit her down and try explaining to her that there are better ways of handling the situation and of course its understandable that you both have to calm down. Reach a realistic goal together on how to handle the next aftermath of a fight. She sounds just like a friend of mine, her boyfriend ended up leaving her and she was miserable and wanted him back.... by that time it was too late. Don't let it get too far because you will probably end up resenting her and staying in the relationship for the wrong reason. Good luck!

Answer 4

She is very immature!!

I know, because I was just like that-and it cost me dearly.
She needs help. My guess is that she grew up in a home raised where that was normal. Blow up, and then try to patch it up after. She needs to be educated about communication.

I think you should ask if she would be willing to see a third party-counselor if you can afford it, or other family resources-like a pastor. She is insecure, she's cutting you off before you get a chance to leave her-she is protecting herself from your eventual leaving-because inside she really doesn't think she's worthy of you-so she creates chaos. She is probably addicted to it.

The behavior you describe is very destructive, and sorry to say it, cannot be changed without the help of an outside party. Pray for her, too. In the meantime, until she gets herself back in line, be prepared for the daily rollercoaster.

If there was not a child involved, I would recommend to end it, because you can't change her behavior. Marriage means for better or worse, so, you need to examine if you can live up to that vow. She has to want to change, and see that she needs to. You have a son with her, you want it to work, and it can, but only with the right tools.

The book of Proverbs describes a "contentious" woman. It helped me to see what I was doing, maybe if you read it together she will see herself, too. (NOT trying to push my beliefs down your throat-just telling you what woke me up!)

Answer 5

I am sorry to say that how she handles disagreements or arguments are overt red flags to the potential success of your relationship. You cannot change her, you can only change how you respond to her. How does your 5 month old son react to this? You are in an emotional minefield and are slowly becoming a regular casualty. One day she will tell you to leave, but you won't want to come back. Who would? Imagine relationships where the woman never raises her voice to her husband and visa versa.

If she is willing to accept that she has a few issues (e.g. anger management, conflict resolution, effective communication), then professional therapy can help. If not you will be the victim of emotional homicide.

Answer 6

You need to put your foot down.

How can you be secure in your relationship when she blows up every other day? I really don't think this is the type of girl you (or any other guy for that matter) would want to marry, and it's good that you figured that out now.

She sounds not only like a drama queen but a psychotic stalker as well. Who reads other people's text messages? Run while you can, this girl is definitely not a keeper.

Answer 7

The next time she tries to throw you out.....DON'T! Don't go anywhere. That WILL cause a bigger arguement, but it seems like she has a minor anger management issue.

When she gets mad over something that she really shouldn't get that mad at, Hold her and tell her you're not going anywhere and that you love her and need to work it out without you leaving!

I used to do that with an ex. Kick him out and then call him back. She needs time to clear her head before she talks.

She needs to learn how to solve her problems, WITH you... WITHOUT kicking you out. And the best way to do that is to show her that you are there and that you are not leaving and you love her. Remind her that you are engaged and if you get married, you are there for her for life.

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 8

You two should agree not to throw anybody out or run away. Instead, engage in different activities; not TV because you should do that activity actively. But don't be too quick to turn your back. At first, try to solve the problem with a talk, not with an argument.

Answer 9

I think you need to talk to her before a fight breaks out. Take her out somewhere public where she cant throw you out or throw a fit. You need to tell her how it makes you feel and maybe if you dont want to take this abuse from her anymore you need to tell her that its going to stop or there will be no wedding. It sounds like to me that she has no control over herself when she mad. There are usually 2 sides of the story, but im just going off what you had wrote.

Answer 10

I am in way a man, but here is what I think.

This woman has a problem, she wants to control you. If you keep going back everytime she puts you out, she will continue to abuse you in this manner.

You have right to be comfortable in this relationship, the next time she puts you out, stay away until you are ready to go back. Make it known that you will not longer be treated this way. If she wants you she has to learn to speak to you in a calm manner at all time.

You on the other have to take control of this issue, no marriage will survive this, so be careful.

Answer 11

It sounds to me like you should leave her and just be there for the child as it seems like she doesnt know what she really wants give her some time, maybe take a couple of weeks apart to see how you guys feel about your relationship and c if you can give it another go later.