Is it ok for a soilder to make a will & puts him mom to be incharge of it? instead of his wife the one that is

Question

going to be taking care of the house, bills and both our kids also be there when he calls comfort him when he's down because i know it's very depressing to be in war! be at the gym when he comes back..I just feel really bad he did this behind my back! he was wounded and came back I took care of him stood there when he got sugery comforted him in any way because as a wife and spouse I love him & that's my job..after all said and done I asked him why would he do such a thing he said his mom will always come first wich I respect but I am your wife shouldnt I get some kind of acknowlodge? well long story short he wont budge about me being in charge of the will and i feel really hurt, no i dont care if i dont get anything in that will all I want is for him to put me in charge as his wife..so now I want to leave and he says that i'm wrong what do you think??? previous to this he also tried talking to his ex before leaving over seas and said he did it out of anger because he was upset at me!

Yes we did try counseling but it didnt work...

Answer 1

uh...you shouldn't respect his view that his mother come first. even God would frown upon this. he clearly states that upon marriage a man must leave his mother and father and become one with his wife. He also states that hurting his wife is equivalent to a husband hurting himself. your husband doesn't realize or respect that you and he (along with your children) are your own family unit. it would be like if his mother was still deferring to her father, instead of your husband's father, for support, advice, and trusted her father above her husband. that is foolish. if your husband is at all a biblical man, consider going to counseling together through your church so that an objective professional can shed some light on his idiocy. if you try to get some sense into him, he will only stick up for his mother, defend their relationship, and act as though you are selfish.

if he's not at all religious, i'm not sure how else you can convince him that his actions are hurtful, rude, and insensitive. you could try to talk to his mother one-on-one and let her know how his attitude makes you feel. ask her if she would try to discourage him from behaving this way in the future. this will only work if you have a good relationship with her. if you don't, then she is probably reveling in his allegiance to her.

either way, you need to start protecting your own investments and looking out for yourself. consider getting a separate life insurance policy on him in case he dies unexpectedly, rather than depending on him to name you beneficiary. this way, if something happens to him, you won't be in a financial bind and have to scramble to afford your bills, burial costs, etc. do this for the financial security of you and your children. also, if you work outside the home, then you need to:

-save 6 months worth of your income in a separate acct that he doesn't have access to so that you won't be financially devastated should he decide to leave you.
-only after accumulating 6 months of savings, start contributing to your 401k.
-make sure that the house deed and other major assets are in both of your names. for future purchases, refuse to contribute to any major purchases (homes, cars, boats, etc) that are only in his name.

Answer 2

Here, the executor of a will (the one in charge of distributing the assets) cannot be a beneficiary of the will. Tell your husband that he is better off having a professional do that, because there are a lot of laws, taxes, etc., that have to be dealt with and paperwork to be filed with various agencies - defense department, social security, superannuation, etc. - and the lay person is going to have to engage a professional to work it all out anyway, with the cost coming out of the estate.
It is wrong that he puts his mother first, above that of his wife and children. And putting her in charge of his wife and children is wrong, unless he has a better reason than "she's my Mum". The only question I have to ask, is does he have a reason to worry that if you had control of all the assets that you might not do what's right for the family? Have you had problems with spending too much, or running up debts on frivolous items? Do you have a problem with drugs, addiction, or mental health problems? Is there a solid reason why he might have to give control to someone else?

Answer 3

It certainly implies a lack of trust in you. I can certainly understand why you would be hurt. Have you asked him why? I know that this is an emotional issue, but if you want him to understand why it is offensive to you. Also sounds like you might be in a controlling relationship and that you might have gotten married too early. The whole talking to his ex thing is either childish or manipulative. You have to stand up to him. And, I would suggest you both get councelling.

Answer 4

The whole idea of a will is to leave instructions as to what the person wants done. Bottom line, those wishes will preclude what ever you want or think is right.

Sounds like you have some anger issues to work out though.

Answer 5

If my husband dared to do anything like this I would seriously have to consider if he was the man for me. Since I have been married my husband has always put me before his mum, although she comes a close third (after our daughter!) You seem to have a one sided relationship. Maybe you need to put your foot down and give him a choice - who does he want to spend the rest of his life with - you or his mother!

Answer 6

by law his spouse is legally next of kin. He might have wrote some stuff, but all money, assets, children are yours, he might leave some personal items to others.

You can challenge the will & win, it's been done before.

he might have somethings in the will that he wants done, if its weird, challenge it.

just because he wrote a will doesn't mean a whole lot, unless your really rich & have a lot of personal items you want to give to others.

Answer 7

It would not be ok for either of my children to do so BUT it is not my place to decide how other people's children address them. There is a big difference between not appreciating it and not agreeing with it. I suspect if you don't "appreciate" it then you have an issue outside of how she/he addresses her own parents. At my house my children call me "mom" and their friends call me "Miss (insert first name here)". My husband is referred to by their friends as "Mr. (his first name)" regardless of the age. As children we were taught to use a proper greeting of "Mr & Mrs (their last name)" but I find that too formal and uncomfortable for myself. My children have friends who call their parents by their first names yet my children refer to their parents as "mom & dad" because of the comfort level and affection they show. As long as each party is ok with the greeting I could care less what words they use and choose to focus more on the greeting it's self. As long as they are well mannered & polite I'm good with it.

Answer 8

i would be really hurt by that, too.

this may not be true for you, but i would be so hurt, and so mad, and i would fear that this was just the first of a LOT of problems to come in the future, relating to how he treated his mother versus how he treated me. I would end the marriage.

Answer 9

according ot my husband, who is a marine, it doesnt matter in the slightest who he states on his will, if you are married and he dies the next of kin automatically gets the insurance money. so rest assured, you and your kids will be taken care of.

the only hting, is your mom might get the initial death benefit of 75k and u can fight that. but u will get the 400k.

the reason i jnow is before my husband was deployed he was married before and deployed than, well he had her listed until his next deployment so iwas like WTF if something happened to u then she would get everything? so he inquired.

Answer 10

You are his wife not his mother. It is to you he cleaves not her. This needs to be resolved. Perhaps he'd rather return to the sanctuary of the apron strings. If so, let him go...