Ladies, can you control your jealousy?

Question

I know some of you are not the jealous types, but there are others who are. You're the ones I'm talking to. For some reason you feel like your husband is checking out other women, talking to them behind your back, or something like that. Maybe you trust him, but it's other women you don't trust. Everytime an attractive woman gets within arms reach of him, your skin just crawls. You see her looking at him. You watch her giggle and try to act all flirty. He seems oblivious and says you are overreacting or just being insecure and jealous. But you know she's up to something. You wish he would understand. You wish he wouldn't smile and talk to her. You wish he wouldn't be friends with her at all. I think you get my point.

Can you get yourselves to a point where it doesn't bother you anymore?

Esther, I am asking because I noticed that my woman has faced her fears and overcome them. She used to be jealous, and it annoyed me. But she's changed for the better. I'm wanting to know how other women deal with it. I know it can happen and that it's a very great thing. And no, I'm not a flirt, sorry.

elvlayarvvi, it's not always so black and white like that. Sometimes one person may view something as flirting, but another will see no such thing. I recall several occassions from the past where my woman swore up and down that some chick was flirting with me or acting out of line, but I honestly had no idea. It was not stroking my ego or something. A couple of times perhaps I was simply unaware, but there were several occassions where she was making nothing into something. It could be delusions or fears exaggerated. Think about it. You can get completely different accounts from 10 people who all witnessed the same act. It's called perception. As long as you are secure, little things like that should not matter. It's not the same as being outright disrespectful and rude. You seem to leave no room for a gray area. Why is that?

Jessica C, I honestly don't care. I see no need to get myself upset or all worked up because someone else is attracted to my partner and acts out accordingly. I take it as a compliment. If he starts trying to ask for her number or put his hands on her... something like that, THEN I feel the need to get involved.

Answer 1

Speaking from experience (used to be incredibly insecure and jealous) and a couple of failed relationships, I've learned that jealousy is a completey wasted emotion. But it took the love of a good man and the heart break of a bad one to make me realize that. I think getting to the point that it doesn't bother you anymore comes from growing up and learning from past mistakes. At least that's how it worked for me. Hope I helped.

Answer 2

Yes....it is very possible. But it is a two way situation. Maybe once if the Boyfriend/husband would take into consideration his wife's/GF feelings on this and take a different approach to this flirting female the jealousy will start to go away. Trust what the woman is saying...if she tells you the other lady is flirting...women know women better than men...they can be conniving...yes I am sure its shocking

Or maybe the jealous girl friend is not a secure in the relationship as the boy friend thinks. Maybe he needs to take more time making her feel special...beautiful, or loved.

I went through this phase...and I recognized what I was doing at talked to my Bf about it...and once he tried what I said to him...and 95% of the jealousy is gone...5% Heck I am still human~

Answer 3

Well I used to get way more jealous with my ex, but he was the type of guy that would flirt right in front of me, and had mulitiple other partners while we were together ( that I caught on to after a while). With my now husband, I still do get jealous because the women he works with are really smart and are pretty, and are majoring in a degree that I am not sure I have what it takes to do...and so I from time to time experience jealousy because I cannot share that same tie with my husband that they can. But I trust this one, he isn't going to do me like my ex did. I just let those jealous feelings dissolve.

Answer 4

Well from his standpoint, I think he appreciates a little jealousy. I think it makes him feel wanted. Too much jealousy is a different story though.

For me, I do feel more jealous than I would like to. So when I start to feel it coming on, I remind myself to see things from another perspective. I remind myself of how he always treats me with respect and devotion, so I should give him some leeway in enjoying another woman's beauty. I also make sure to c*ck block the other girl by putting my arm around him if we're at a party or something.

Answer 5

I think that jealousy is a relatively normal thing for people in a new relationship. Once the relationship has settled there comes a feeling of security and jealousy disappears.

If someone is married and still jealous, there has to be a serious issue - either the person is jealous for good reason or he/she needs some therapy.

Answer 6

I used to feel jealous back when I didn't have much experience in relationships; I was immature, and had trouble interpreting what different things meant. I rarely expressed my jealousy - I'm not a very expressive person to begin with, and I especially dislike to express feelings that make me appear vulnerable or weak; but I had these feelings nevertheless.

As I got older and having gone through a variety of relationship experiences, the sense of vulnerability dulled, giving way to the sense of confidence. The feelings of jealously went away naturally as this transition took place.

Answer 7

I don't know about the other ladies around here but sounds to me like you just described a situation where the wife or the girlfriend has the right to be irritate. "giggle and try to act all flirty"? Come on. How would you feel if a hot guy "act all flirty" with your wife? Will you be able to control your jealousy? Will you? Really?

Answer 8

I have been the jealous type, and now I am not as upset by the small stuff.

I just look at it as she thinks he's hot or whatever, but unlucky for her he's coming home with me.

It does still twinge a bit at times, but I don't put myself out there like I used to. I take it in stride, go off to myself to think about it, rationalize then move on.

Answer 9

LOL, my husband is a very talkative and friendly person who enjoys spending time with lots of different people some of them yes women, it doesn't bother me because I know he loves me and that even if it is stroking his ego a little, that he would never do anything.
It just has to do with how secure you are in your relationship!

Answer 10

when we first got married, anytime ANY woman looked at him, i was ready to claw her eyes out. i was young and really didn't know that a man could talk to a woman without wanting to screw her, you know? anyway, after about 2-3 years of that he told me, these are women that i work with, i have to talk to them, just like the guys YOU talk to at work. so i actually had to stop and think, duh, as a man you are able to talk to a woman and it mean nothing. we've been married for almost 16 years now, and don't get me wrong if we are in say a bar and i come out of the bathroom or something and a chickie is hanging on his arm, oh yeah, it's on! but about 99% of the time, no jealousy!