Help me through a divorce!?

Question

My parents are fighting on a regular basis now. My mother and father are at a constent on asking if eachother are seeing different people (like I would know) right now my mother is trying to leave, but every single time we do leave, My father is at a non-stop calling thing trying to get her back home.

How could I try to get myself out of this?!

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for you i know this will be hard but try to support your mother she is obviously too weak to put her foot down so you will just have to be there for her you can't make her decsisons for her, try to be independent , if you can be moved in with a relative thats a good idea.

here is a site:http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/child/teenshelplines/otherhelplines.htm

If you are aged from 13 to 19, you can speak to someone at Connexions Direct on any day of the week, yes - that includes weekends. Call 080 800 13-2-19. They are open from 8am to 2am. You can ask them to call you back or you can text them on 077664 13-2-19

Get Connected
Phone [phone]
Open 7 days a week from 1pm to 11pm
This is a free phone helpline for young people under 25.
This is not a counselling service but aims to put you in touch with people who can help you with a particular problem. They will give you phone numbers from their large database of helplines or they can text you the information. This is a confidential service. If you are in touch with them, please say you found them via Divorce Aid.

Careline 0845 122 8622
This is a confidential crisis helpline for young people, children and adults and is available Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm

This service is not for urgent problems, try the following 24/7 lines:
You can ring Childline on 0800 11 11
The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90
The NSPCC helpline is 0808 800 500

These 3 helplines are open every hour of every day.

BEST OF LUCK x

Answer 2

Do you have a counselor at your school? If so, make an appointment and talk to her and she will help you work some things out. If that is not possible, is there an adult family member you could talk to, someone you could tell what is going on? How about a teacher you trust? A minister or some other clergy? The first step is to talk to someone ... actually you have already taken that step by posting your question here.

If you get lots of good answers you might also show your parents what you haave written, and the answers, since they are the ones who are acting immaturely and irresponsibly. You should not have to be stuck in the middle like that between your parents. So do talk to someone, and preferably to someone who can help your parents see that they need to sort out their own issues without putting you in the middle, whether they get a divorce or not.

Take care. This is a good place to work out some of your problems sometimes.

Answer 3

I'm not sure how old you are but it isn't fair for your parents to put you in the middle of or openly expose you to their problems with each other. You are a person too and you have rights. You need to just tell both of them that you are tired of the constant battle going on. You are tired of them putting you in the middle. Tell them if they can't get this worked out then you would like to go live somewhere else. Maybe you have grandparents or an aunt or uncle that could let you come stay with them for a while. It sounds like your parents are so caught up in dealing with their own problems that they don't see how it is affecting you. You need to speak up to them. Don't be afraid. You have that right since you are living in this nightmare with them. If you find they aren't listening or that you just can't speak up then try writing a letter to each of them. Explain how you are feeling about what they are doing to each other and that when they do these things to each other they are also doing it to you. If you and your mom do leave again and she says that you are going to go back then tell her you don't want to. Tell her you are afraid of living in a household with so much anger and tension. I'm sorry that you have to be put in this situation at all. But sometimes parents miss what it does to their kids and the simple mentioning from their child could make them stop and think. If you don't see any changes soon then you may need to speak with another adult that is not in your house. Try your grandparents, aunts or uncles, cousins, a friends mom or even your school counselor. Hang in there. This is surely just a temporary situation even though it may seem like it will never end. Good luck to you. My prayers are with you.

Answer 4

Hi Sweety,

First of all don't despair. There are a lot of kids and teens that are at this situation. I know, it is probably mostly horrible. But it will pass. I would talk with my mom. you deserve a relaxed quite environment to live in, with or without your dad.
She should make a decision and than stick to it.
You might be too young to understand it, but sweety, from experience, in some cases it is much better for the children when parents get a divorce. It is a tough time at the beginning but your mother will be so much happier when she doesn't have to fight and argue everyday.
Goood luck sweetie

Answer 5

You need to tell them to get counseling and work on their problems. The fact that he calls to get her to return and the fact that she does makes me thing there may be a chance to save the marriage if they work at it. each time they ask you if the other is cheating, tell them you are not going to be put in the middle of their arguments. If you have another relative you can stay with, do that and tell them you will be back when they start the counseling and perhaps that may make them try that. It sounds like the love is there but they need to work on the trust issues. Just don't let them put you in the middle and perhaps if you do have that close relative you can stay with for a while, tell them when they get the divorce you are going to live with that person instead of either of them.and perhaps that may make them stop and think as well. Good luck to you!!

Answer 6

I feel for you Aubrey. You can't control your parents, but you can control your ways of coping with stressful situations.

For example if it gets too dramatic at home, perhaps you can try getting out of the house for a while. Take a walk to clear your head, go play sports, walk the dog, etc. The idea is to create a "safe time" or drama-free space that is un-stressful for you.

Also, there are often local support groups (in town, at school, church) filled with people your age who are going through similar experiences.

You can always to talk to your school guidance counselor - that's what they are there for.

And when you're ready, tell your parents how their actions are making you feel. They are probably lost in their own world and don't realize that they are upsetting you.

Remember, this is only temporary, and won't last forever.

Answer 7

Wow, this depends on how old you are. It almost sounds like you are old enough to tell your parents that they are both tearing you apart at the seams. If they are going to split, they should do it and try to make it as simple for you as they can. There needs to be some ground rules. For one, no asking you advice about the other parent, that's unfair to you. They are both your parents and you are not to be put in any position to choose favorites between the two of them. Maybe you should talk to a counselor or therapist for your own good and peace of mind. I hope things get better for you soon.

Answer 8

This falls under the category of things and problems that are out of your control. I am sorry to hear that you suffer.

You need to let yourself off the hook and stop believing that you actually do have a role or a say in what is going on or will happen.

You need to find an unbiased person to share your feelings with throughout the entire process. Do not let their mistakes ruin your life.

Good luck. I will pray for you and your family.

Answer 9

What a hideous situation you are in. I feel so sorry for you! The only good that can come out of this is for you to observe the madness that is currently raging around you and make damn sure you don't do this to your kids. Apart from that is there any other relative you can go and stay with till your parents sort themselves out? Anyway best of luck and i hope you don't have to suffer to much emotional pain

Answer 10

Ask your parents to let you move in with a relative, or if you have the gumption to do so, simply call a relative that you trust on either side of the family and candidly ask them if you can stay with them a while so as to "get out of the crossfire" from your parents.