How do you constructively talk to someone/ work things out.. when everytime you bring anything up or make a mention of things not working out- that they get all "emo" on you and you think they are going to commit suicide- or at theast the make the threat of it happening out there- or they just respond to everything with, "well ok. fine. im just a loser. im sorry. i suck, i know"
Can a person like this ever change? Or do you just end it- pray that they will be ok and move on?
2007-11-09 06:59:34 · 17 answers · asked by Amy Clark 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds like he is using his threats of suicide to guilt you into staying in the relationship. "If you leave me Ill kill myself" is a desperate attempt to hold on to someone when you know it should be over. This person you are with is being very selfish when all it sounds like you are trying to do it make things better. I think when you discuss problems try and use we, and us..when bringing up issues instead of using you. For example " we need to work on how we deal with______" instead of "you need to change _____" My husband gets really sensitive when I say You because he feels like hes being personally attacked...and it would always end up in a big fight that was unnecessary. So I started using more we's and us's when bringing up issues. Always make sure and let him know you arent trying to attack him and you arent a loser.....I just want US to be happier and work out our issues.
But dont let yourself get dragged down by this relationship if you are no longer into it. Its going to start affecting you if you continue worrying that every move you make could result in someone ending their lives. He may need serious help that you cant give him no matter what you do. But suicide is a serious issue that doesnt usually get thrown around like its nothing....it really sounds more like a guilt tactic than reality..and that sucks!!!
2007-11-09 07:19:15 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i personally would just move on. someone who cant control their own emotions and think rationally isn't worth the trouble. and the reason i say this is because from what your saying, the person just sounds stubborn and selfish. relationships can only be successful (in my opinion) with respect, consideration and appreciation. to me, this is the foundation of a solid relationship. everyone gets into fights and arguments, it's how the people handle it is whats important. when fighting, both should know that solving or atleast coming to a compromise is the best thing for the relationship, not blowing it off and trying to avoid it. hope this helps. one more thing. his whole mention of suicide...its just for attention. (again, just my opinion). if i wanted to commit suicide (life is to rewarding to waste) i wouldnt even tell anyone, i would just do it.
2007-11-09 15:06:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask the person if they ever think of anyone else than themselves. Tell them that life could be a whole lot worse and they should be thankful for even the smallest thing they have or can do that there are more people out there that have much less than them and they always try to cope and they try to be happy. Life is what they make of it. Tell them to stop feeling sorry for themselves and move on, what else can you do. If they refuse, stop trying to convince them and just pray for them.
2007-11-09 15:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by Mary Smith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A friend of mine has an on-again-off-again relationship with a guy like this. He's not the kind of guy to actually kill himself. He's just an attention and drama whore. He puts himself down in order to get sympathy. He has very few social skills and really doesn't know how to relate to too many people other than his mother. He's really a child in an adult's body. When I hear his "I'm a loser" spiel, I brush it off so as not to give him the attention he's craving. In his mind, negative attention is still good because it's attention. Oh yeah, this guy is 34 and STILL living with his mother. He won't change.
2007-11-09 16:18:11 · answer #4 · answered by Erin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like/love someone for the person they are and not what you want them to be. my mom tried for 17 years to change my dad, the outcome,besides getting my bro and I, she just wasted 17 years she could have been experiencing life. If the quality that attracted you the them in the first place is not as it seemed or not enough for you do both you a favor and let it go. Sounds to me like this person really doesn't care or is playing the "guilt trip" game on you, is this what you really want? Pray for them and move with ur life.
2007-11-09 15:19:41 · answer #5 · answered by yessca333 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, they will not change - they are confident that the threat of their actions will keep you and whoever's next around for awhile. End it and get away quickly. If they threaten suicide, let them know you take their statement seriously and will report it to the police so that they may get the help they need. (In most states, suicide is pretty much illegal and anyone threatening it is required to be held in a psych ward for observation so that they do not harm themselves). Changes are they'll back off.
2007-11-09 15:05:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
some people like this never change.
they are just self pitty people who just want attention.
usually people who talk like how you described just want people to make them feel better because the only real love they feel is when people feel bad for them. they usually arent happy with themselves or their lives and its no ones fault but their own.
they wont know how precious their life really is untill something/someone is taken away from them.
if they think they are a loser its because they are making themselves out to be one.
if you try telling them something like
"if you dont want to be a loser then do something about it. youre the only one that can make any real difference in your life. youre the only one really holding you back from being something better. "
it doesnt matter how bad their life is now or how bad it was when they grew up because all that matters is what that person is going to do to make it better for tomorrow.
you can choose to live a sad life and pitty yourself every day or you can choose to be happy.
there is always a way out to find your happiness.
2007-11-09 15:16:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, this person is holding you hostage with his threats.
Do not allow him to do this. He will suck all the life out of you and move on.
NO he is not going to change.
NO things will not get better.
NO the relationship is not worth saving.
I love the way helpful1 put it - get the hell out of dodge.
2007-11-09 15:49:52 · answer #8 · answered by litl m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time they go emo on you, I'd say something like "No, you don't suck, and you don't have to be a loser. I don't like when you talk about yourself that way. It really upsets me. I'm here to help you, but if you can't pull yourself together, then maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore." Or something along those lines. Good luck!
2007-11-09 15:03:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
if the person considers himself/herself to be emo, then they will obviously always reply with stuff like they want to committ suicide, and all negative stuff. most of the times they do this , even if they are not depressed, just because its part of their emo lifestyle, but its not necessarily true.
but if the person isn't in reality emo, then they could just be trying to call attention, or they could really be depressed.
obviously every person can change. everyone is capable of change.
2007-11-09 15:06:00 · answer #10 · answered by soccerdude 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋