My husband and I have been together since 1989. We have two children and are have been separated since 2001. We still have a very active sex life but he has a girlfriend that he lives with now. I love him very much, so much until I know that I must let go but somehow I just don't have the energy to do so. Am I wrong for still loving and sleeping with him? He send me mixed signals he's has always been there for me but when he is with his girlfriend he acts as if I don't exsist. He lies to his girlfriend and tells her that he don't talk to me when he know every free moment he has from her is spent with me. I'm confussed please help me to decided what I need to do to remedy this situation.
2007-11-09 06:52:50 · 19 answers · asked by juicy091 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you are wrong for continuing to sleep with him. Sex alone is not love. You're being played like a violin. It doesn't sound like you're truly separated. In the meantime, your husband is enjoying the best of both worlds.
What on earth makes you think he's in love with you and wants you back after he uses you, then denies you in public? He's lying to his girlfriend about you and he'll lie to you, too.
For crying out loud, show some dignity.
2007-11-09 06:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The truth of the matter is that your ex- husband has been very unfair to you. He is stringing you along for his own advantage and is taking the feelings you have for him as a way to use you. You said yourself, that he lies to his girlfriend, pretends he does not even talk with you. What a jerk he is! Ask yourself what exactly it is that you love about him? He is a cheater and a liar! You would think you would be happy to be well rid of him! Just know, if he can lie to her, he can lie to you. Come on, stop allowing him to use you for sexual favors and find a decent guy who will love and cherish you!
2007-11-09 07:07:49 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortuneatley, that is the path that life brought you. You will always love him since he is the father of your children. BUT he is playing you. You need to get over him. Even though he is still phyically there he is not there emotionally for you. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT. Do you see him getting rid of his girlfriend? Do you see him putting you before his girlfriend? As much as this hurts he doenst give care about you any longer in that way because if he did HE WOULD NOT PUT YOU IN THE SITUATION YOU ARE IN. I know its hard but it is time for you to put an end to it. Get off your *** and meet other men that are willing to treat you for your worth. You can always be there for each other since you have children but ONLY AS FRIENDS. Do it for yourself and let him go. That chapter in your life should be closed and you should be moving on to bigger and better things.
2007-11-09 07:01:34 · answer #3 · answered by RockStar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you know by sleeping with him whenever he wants he has the best of all worlds - a girlfriend - a wife - sex - but no real commitment on either side!
I would stop sleeping with him and see what happens - either he comes back to you - fully committed or let him go (finalize that divorce) and move on! It'll be better for you in the long run!
2007-11-09 06:58:32 · answer #4 · answered by Me 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
god that is so me writhing this letter that u have just wrote that was me and my ex husband for 3 years we have 2 kids he was living with a lass and sleeping with me on the side i thought i would of won him back by doing this!!!!! But how i won him back was i stopped (hardest thing i have ever done) did not no if i would lose him 4 ever? 1 month later he phoned and asked if i would have him back i said yes and we are now back 2 gether as a family and happy and all because i stopped him having his cake and eating it plz plz try it for yr own sanity and 4 yr self esteem my heart goes out to u x x x x
2007-11-09 07:06:40 · answer #5 · answered by Dianne E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to sit and talk with him and make him choose to either work on the relationship with you and lose the girl friend, or you go ahead and file for the divorce. If he doesn't agree, he is using your love for him as a weapon against you and possibly sparing himself from having to pay child support when the divorce is granted. you love the good things you saw in him but the fact that he can have sex with you and then go back to the girl friend seems to indicate that person no longer exists and he is using you. Love is about sex but it is also about waking up in the morning and being glad to be next to someone, being proud to admit this is the person you have chosen to live your life with, taking out garbage and washing the car together. Unless he is willing to go to counseling and work to get back together, the love you feel is more like a cancer that has to be removed in order to be healthy again when you find the person who loves you enough to be involved in the day to day life of a relationship. If he doesn't agree to the counseling, file for the divorce, make new friends and find someone new to give to you as much as you have to give to him in return.
The fact that you allow him to do this makes me wonder if you may not have to raise your self esteem as well so check out the link I will give you for that and try to do things to raise your self esteem. Good luck to you!!
2007-11-09 07:15:12 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. As a couples therapist, this is unhealthy. Is the status quo making you happy? No. He's calling the shots and getting his selfish needs met. You need to move on and finalize a divorce; he's not free, so flee.
To get more free advice from a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marriage therapy, visit http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice.html
2007-11-09 07:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love your husband and you HOPE, not think, that he loves you. If he did, you'd be back together by now. He wasn't ready to get married when he committed to you, and now his interaction with you is solely for the benefit of your children and his benefit in that you'll give him sex when his girlfriend won't. That's what's really going on here, see the truth of it and act accordingly.
2007-11-09 06:58:02 · answer #8 · answered by Takfam 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You already answered your question.
Whether you love your husband or not, he's being unfaithful to his girlfriend now by sleeping with you.
So, if you get him back, you are taking in a cheater, and if he's done it once, he will do it again.
So yes, hard as it may be, dump him and move on to something better.
2007-11-09 07:05:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you settling for half a life and sloppy seconds? You deserve better and he is using you. You cannot move forward until you love yourself enough to stop this behavior. This is undoubtedly sending mixed messages to your kids as well.
You will have to end it, as he has no reason to...he can have his cake and eat it too. I guarantee things will change for you, once you cut him loose. Get tested, too....
2007-11-09 06:59:11 · answer #10 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋