My best friend of 16 years has been off and on with her a**hole boyfriend for about 2 years. 3 Months ago, they moved in together after finding out she was pregnant. Since then, they have done nothing but fight, and she has spent the night at her parent's house time and time again. This past weekend, she called it quits with him, and I helped her move some of her things back home for the millionth time. I was so proud of her for finally giving him up. Just a few minutes ago, she called and told me that she went back to their apartment and has been staying there since Sunday....the day after I helped her move out. I'm fed up with seeing her hurt and watching her go back, so I told her I wash my hands of the situation and that she is now on her own. Was that the wrong thing to do? I feel so bad....
2007-11-09 05:56:21 · 11 answers · asked by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Tuff love sometimes it the only thing that works
2007-11-09 06:02:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not leave her as a friend, but you have tried time and time again to help and it hasn't worked.
By washing your hands of the situation and not helping her, other than to lend an occasional ear if you so choose,you may help her realize what she is doing to herself and her friends who are worried about her.
However, if he gets physically abusive, I see that you and her other friends would need to intervene on hers and the babys behalf and call the police or something to that extent. Until then (Hopefully it doesn't come to it) let her lay in the bed that she made.
Although, it might be worth looking up information about battered and abused woman, because verbal abuse is just as harmful mentally as physical abuse is physically
I think you did the right thing.
Good Luck and still keep an eye on her but from a distance.
2007-11-09 14:28:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's rough!
Unfortunately, that's about all you can do until your friend decides to come to her senses and stay there. Your friend knows that all she has to do to avoid a miserable situation is avoid the guy, but she's the one that keeps on getting herself stuck with him.
I've seen the same thing with a couple of family members. In a situation like what you describe, the best thing to do is let your friend actually fight for herself. She will value her victories more then.
2007-11-09 14:15:53 · answer #3 · answered by Tigger 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing and the wrong thing...yes, tell her that you're done with the situation, but don't leave it there...
Tell her you love her and are tired of seeing her hurt. Tell her will not help her move in/out anymore, but you are always there if she ever truly decides to call it quits. Make sure she knows she still has you if she needs you, or she may not leave him in the future for fear of not having anyone to lean on.
2007-11-09 14:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It may hurt but, what you did was right. She may learn from you that you have to make a decision and stick to it. She will only drag you in to it anyway. Just go and live your life knowing you did what you could. She is an adult with free will and so are you. You just chose not to live that way. You can only help those that truly want it and she doesn't. Good Luck
2007-11-12 06:23:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you did the right thing. You need to detach yourself from her situation.
Let her know you still love her but you can't support her in this destructive relationship. When she's really ready to do something about it (i.e. involved in a DV program, etc.) you'll be there for her.
You're going to feel bad, you're going to second guess yourself. Try not to. Know you've gone above and beyond the call of duty. She is the only one who can help herself. Know that you did the right thing.
2007-11-09 14:03:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is confused and insecure, she really needs you as a friend, don't give up on her. I would say that you should explain in her in a calm way that you are always there for her but you hate see her hurt all the time. Tell her that you are not helping her anymore with this situation but when she realizes what she wants once and for all you will be there to support her.
2007-11-09 14:03:10 · answer #7 · answered by Glukia 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Don't feel bad. Do stop bailing her out and listening to her moan and complain about him.
She's not going to leave the guy until she's good and ready, and that may be years from now. Save yourself the aggravation and don't worry about it.
No, you did the right thing.
2007-11-09 14:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by Sally G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont betray your friend. You need to be there for her, this could easily be you. However, let her know that you dont want to know anything else about them, and wash your hands of that situation. She is pregnant and unstable and going through alot so she probably needs your companionship just be the best friend that you can and let her know you dont want anything to do with the two of them./
2007-11-09 14:00:48 · answer #9 · answered by Janna B. 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you did the right thing, i have a friend that has been doing that forever. i would listen to her when she wants to bit*Ch about him. i have told her time and tome again he is no good for her but does she listen no. you can be her friend just tell her you wont help her when it comes to him. your wasting your time telling her not to be with him because she is going to stay with him no matter what you tell her.
2007-11-09 14:04:36 · answer #10 · answered by I love my DIRTBIKE! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋