I danced at a club when I turned 18 to pay off my drug debts so I wouldn't keep on being stalked by my dealer (I know I used to be a bad girl :( ) Now it was a tasteful club meaning we didn't show any boobs or anything... just erotic lap dances. Now I have been drug and strip free for 7 years and married for 2. My husband "kind of" knows about my history. He knows that I danced but didn't know I was a hard core drug user. Well my problem is that he has a long lost cousin I just was told about that went away for a while because of his drug use and come to find out that was one of my exes. He gets out in about 6 months and my husband is soo excited about me meeting him. Everythings going to come out so how should I tell him about all this?! I know he's already going to be mad I wasn't straight up about my past but I am not proud of what I used to do! Help!
2007-11-09 04:55:58 · 32 answers · asked by Y!A P0int5 Wh0r3 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Princess, first..congrats on being for the 7 years of sobriety..
Second, I am a former "stripper". Lived the lifestyle for over 24yrs. I am also clean and sober as well, got it together in 1998..In december it will be 9 years:)
You got to tell him, at least this. I don't agree with "spilling" your guts about too much of the past. It's been my experience that these things can be used as ammunition--later. I also beleive that not all stories are meant to be re-told. Also, you can be honest about yourself without disclosing everything about your past. I have mixed feelings about this subject.
BUT, in this situation, don't set yourself up for him to be now "doubting" what else you have not told him. Just pick a moment REAL SOON and tell him. You don't want this whole thing to "blow-up" in your face. You haven't lied. Nor have you been deceitful, yet. If it comes out before you get a chance to tell him he'l feel deceived and lied to. You really have no other choice, you have to be honest. I mean he is going to say: "why did you not tell me before now" ? and you counter by saying: " I did not KNOW he was a friend of yours and now that I realize this, I'm telling you now..."
Don't let him find out from any other source except you. Girl I been there, I'm with you in spirit. I find that for me, if the situation calls for an explanation, give it. Also, after our lifestlyles, we have to be up-front about stuff bc we are always "suspect" when "weird" stuff occurs, you dig me?
Good luck and remember you are telling him the truth. HE may 'buck' a little bit, be prepared for him to be a little stung by the truth, but BE ENCOURAGED. You are doing the right thing. AND GOOD GIRL ON THE SOBRIETY!!
2007-11-09 06:18:33 · answer #1 · answered by sablelemarr 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the honest truth. Start out with something nice, but not over the top or anything that will break the bank. Maybe work extra hard to cook, clean, and please him. Then sit down with him and tell him that you were trying real hard to please him the last 3-4 days so you can bring out something else you think he should be aware of. Then tell him everything. Don't tell him about one drug now and then wait till the rest comes up 6 months later. Get it all off your chest now. Tell him he can ask any question he wants and you will honestly answer it and you have always been that way, you were just embarrassed to bring up some of the past that did not need to be brought up, until you heard about this guy. His response might not be the highest peak in your relationship, but the alternatives are worse. He may actually know and is just trying to get you to admit to it. Good luck!
2007-11-09 05:09:43 · answer #2 · answered by Frank 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You and your mistakes are not the same. Maybe you made some wrong choices in the past, but they don't identify with you. You are what you plan to be and the fact that you stayed away from drugs for seven years show that you want to be something different.
Your husband married you, not your past. People DO change, and noone has the right to judge you because noone was in your place in that moment of your life. My advice is...if you are positive that the meeting with your husband't cousin can't be avoided..you should tell him before that moment about what happened in the past, without emphasizing anything..".Listen..I never told you, because it is a part of my past that I want to forget,, and I am not so proud of, but I used to know your cousin, yeas ago, because I had the same problem as he has now."Keep your head up and be proud that you succeeded in what a lot of people can't....
my sister is a drug addict..she is completely out of control and we can't do anything to help her because she refuses any help...I pray to God that years from now, I will see her being a good mother and wife as your are now.
Remember...you don't have to be ashamed of anything. be proud for being one of the winners of this drug battle...the drug addiction is an illness and only the taugh ones can get through it and return to a normal life.
Don't mention your husband about the fact that his cousin is your ex..THIS might get him mad....
2007-11-09 05:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by da_rinna 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First congrats on being drug free dance free for 7 years. I thhink it will be hard to tell your husband but it was 7 years ago thats a long time ago so he knows you wont go back. Tell him you are ashamed and never wanted to tell him or look back on it but now that his cousin will be around the subject came up and u wanted to be the one to tell him. GOOD LUCK. If he gets mad and doesnt want u which i doubt tell him to F off your not like that anymore and if hes gonna get mad then tell him you should have kept it a secret!
2007-11-09 05:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to him soon. Tell him that's a time in your life you'd put behind you and wanted it to be 100% over and moved on from, so you didn't share it with him because it's not part of who you are now.
Be honest about it...and learn the lesson that secrets almost always come out at some point. Better to be up front from the get-go, than be forced into telling when you're not really prepared to (or having someone out you).
Good luck! (and congrats on staying clean)☺
2007-11-09 04:59:50 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to be honest, but expect an argument. he has a right to be upset, but knowing you're drug-free now should help him get over it. plus, if his cousin has dealt with this and he's supportive of his recovery, he should be able to offer you the same support and understanding. but don't be surprised if it takes a while. as far as his cousin being an ex, i really don't know what you do about that. try to make things as uncomfortable as possible by being cordial but not over-friendly. and make sure your husband knows he's an ex before the cousin shows up. you have six months, but don't wait until the last minute. the sooner you talk to your husband, the better. it'll give him more time to rebuild his trust and faith in you.
2007-11-09 05:10:23 · answer #6 · answered by hh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down now and tell him... or maybe write it in a letter if that is easier - keep telling him - beginning, middle and end - how you would rather forget about it and you are not proud - even embarrased ... sort of explain why you haven't disclosed any of it to him! This is pretty tough, cause I'm sure he will be hurt that you didn't trust him enough to tell him...so make sure you explain how you feel about it!!! Make sure you don't leave anything out this time - especailly if his cousing comes into the picture - you don't want any surprises!
Good Luck! Hopefully he will understand and you guys can move on happily!
2007-11-09 05:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you have some skeletons from your past when you were a different person, someone you weren't proud of and will never be again.
Then he'll want more details. But instead of giving the details ask him to think about if he REALLY wants to know, and if he can really keep the past where it belongs - in the past if you tell him and ask him to think about it for at least a day.
At least if he wants to know, you've set the stage and he should be at least a little prepared for it and in a place where he is prepared before you tell him to accept it. If he doesn't want to know if your cousin starts to bring it up, you can tell him that the past is the past and your husband doesn't want to know.
2007-11-09 05:07:01 · answer #8 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do no longer think of i comprehend a single dancer who wears pads....it is impractical for sophistication (whether i think if it is extra of a loose-gown classification the place you may positioned on spandex shorts extremely than a leo, it may be high quality) underclothes will bunch up and teach in virtually any leotard, and pads shift and don't seize each and every thing like tampons do. Tampons might look frightening till now each and every thing, yet they seem to be a lot extra desirable!
2016-10-01 23:34:05 · answer #9 · answered by sutliff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey sweetie. You have to tell him. Do not let him find out when you guys meet. You just need to sit him down and have a heart to heart. Tell him, you have been stressing over this for a while and you need to tell him. Tell him everything that pertains to the story. You dont have to tell him EVERYTHING. That will just overwhelm him. There are things in every persons past that they are not proud of and they do not want to come out. It just so happens, this has to come out for you.
Hope this helps
2007-11-09 05:03:46 · answer #10 · answered by Stuey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋