should i discard of this or write it in my journal?
welts all over my body
broken glass surrounds me as i sleep
the world fades as my dreams get deep
a feeling of temporary content
only temporary until
GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the ominous voice boomed a reaction of silence filled the room going as far as to make the furniture feel uncomfortable
roaches scattered and lights flickered
oh how i wish i could hide with the roaches
how i wish i could just simply hide away with no bothers no cares no priority's or responsibilities
NOW!!!!!!!!!
fine i'm awake
COME ON
COME ON COME ON BONES DON"T BURN THEMSELVES!
no more no more i hurl my self into the fire
give me the painful loving embrace of death
i've waited so eagerly for
NO these flames not meant for you to desecrate
skeleton hands push me out out back into my room surrounded by broken glass once again
once again the day stays the same
2007-11-09 04:51:50 · 3 answers · asked by Absurdly_insane_13 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i don't just keep random crap in my journal
simple question is this crap or not?
2007-11-09 05:16:00 · update #1
I bet it is not crap since you had a reason for the style. It may not be easy to unpack but I think it has some deeper meaning!
2007-11-09 12:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love this poem. Good job!
Here's a suggestion. Take out the unnecessary words in this section (here's a rewrite to consider):
"the ominous voice boomed, silencing the room until even the furniture felt uncomfortable"
priority's should be "priorities"
NO... these flames "are" not meant for you to desecrate
2007-11-12 03:11:02 · answer #2 · answered by equal_opposites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you would have to ask yourself why you're keeping a journal.
What I mean is, if you're keeping a journal of things that are important to YOU, then it's irrelevant what anyone else thinks. Obviously what you've written is not important, or you wouldn't be putting it up for a vote.
2007-11-09 13:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋