Were your parents too strict, not strict enough or just right?

Question

Do you find today's parents more lenient, or are they just more enlightened? I think most are too lenient, but at the same time, they have more educational parenting information available to them, if they just choose to use it.

Answer 1

As a child, mine were just right....even in my earlier teens, they were great...but then my Dad was an officer in the military and when we lived abroad, he knew his rank alone kept me somewhat protected...lol - not to mention I really was a good kid and could be trusted [I wasn't ABOUT to cross my parents!]

However, when we returned to the US...they were caught totally unprepared for stateside teen life and all the things going on here.....so they clamped down fiercely. I had very early curfews, couldn't ride in cars with other peers; etc etc etc....I saw them as too strict but in retrospect now realize I was lucky they cared so much.....I later found out what was really going on amongst many of new school acqaintances and although I was sophisticated in some ways from having lived abroad so long, I was also very naive to US teens and their lifestyles, etc

Yes, I think many parents are way too lenient these days, preferring to ride in the lane with permissive parents and believing in 'this is the way it is nowadays' rather than trusting their own basic instincts and laying down rules and guidelines for behavior and expectations and sticking to their guns

Answer 2

I feel from what I've seen in public and on tv, that parents today are extremely patient and lenient, when it comes to punishing their children in public. I have seen countless screaming and tantrum throwing children in grocery stores, or in places where they should be quiet. I have seen first hand, that young mothers do not have the respect of their children.
The worst however have been the non English speaking
Mexican nationals who allow their children to romp around
and grab things off the shelves they want. I reported a family
once in Phoenix that stood at candy bins and allowed their
children to help themselves and eat right out of those bins.
I told them that was not allowed, and I didn't even work there. And they smiled and took their time, before leaving the area. The following weekend the candy bins had been moved to the front of the store.
The difference in the way children were taught to respect
their elders in general, and conform to the wants of their
parents, is like night and day, today. I believe that my parents
and grandparents were overly strict. I believe that using belts
for 'strappings' on childrens behinds, was definately cruel and
unjust punishment. A swat or two with the hand should be
enough for any child to get the message. And yet, using a
belt or razor strap was often the way children got the
ultimate of reminders not to misbehave, argue, or pull a number of pranks, when I was growing up. The more grown
I became, then it was a matter of threatening remarks toward
me. But in general I didn't want to displease, and I did my
best to please all of the elders in our family. I got my mouth
washed out with soap, just once. And that was enough of a
reminder, never to talk back to my parents again. I learned
to please and never get their dander up. And so I'm told, I
became the 'perfect child'.

Answer 3

I am 53 and I think my mother was just right...not too strict or too lenient but my father was too strick I think. I think the difference in how I raised my children came from my educational back ground. I gave them the opportunity to express there feelings, like when my son was little he said "I hate you" and I would say, "I know you are very angry at me right now because you can't to such and such but I love you anyway and when you are ready to talk we will, until then you are in time out. This worked well for me but by the time they were 18 - 28 they both were very verbally rude, but then my ex brother-in-law with a psychology degree, who has four children who are all adults said " I think kids move into a--hole valley at 18 and don't move out until about 28. He never curses, it was funny but I think also true! Plus I think this generation of 20 somethings have this attitude of I want it all now, and I will do what I want to do, and don't feel obligated to visit parents, or help them, unless they feel like it. Of course not all are like this but I do see this often. I don't think in most cases it has to do with education as my mother had a horrible childhood and not much education (she would be 93) now and she was the best mom ever. If I did half as good a job as she did, I would be proud. ( died when I was 25 and my first child was three month old so I didn't have parents to guide me in child rearing so I went to my ex brother-in-law and his wife for feedback and my education help me alot in my situation.

Answer 4

I am an only child and my parents were in careers, so apart from having a nanny when I was small, I was pretty much left to my own devices. But the times were different then! I guess I learned from example. The work ethic, and the value of money.Mutual respect etc. It did take a while to kick in though and I was a bit of a wild child, but as they weren't around, they didn't see! Can you remember a time when a murder made front page news? Now it's a paragraph inside.An everyday occurrence.Things are too P.C. nowadays. A clip around the ear did my kids no harm at all. Now, kids can sue their parents, or even divorce them. Warrented at times, as there are people who really should not have kids in the first place.

Answer 5

In hindsight I think my mother was actually crazy - mid forties when I was born and paranoid because of her experiences with my father whom she would not allow me to ever meet. I was not allowed to ever associate with other children, then teens because I might be led astray. She took me out of school at 14 and I was kept at home to look after the household. She beat us with whatever was handy and flew into terrible rages. She called it "righteous anger".
Because this sort of parenting would not be allowed these days, I think we are in a more enlightened era and most parents are coping quite well. I don't think it is so much that parents are too lenient these days, but that there are far more dangers to which the youth are being exposed which is the problem

Answer 6

Mine were extremely strict and very controlling. I did not have any choices of my own. Was not allowed to say No to my Mother and corporal punishment was the order of the day. However, one day (and we had live-in help) I had a disagreement with my Mother - and she gave me an ultimatum! Wash the dinner dishes or leave the house. I had finals at school due the following morning and needed to study. But I did CHOOSE; went up to my bedroom, packed a bag and drove up to London to my Aunt's house. I never went home again. I did see my Father on a reg. basis as we were very close when my Mother was not around! I graduated from Univ. College London in 2-1/2 years and then started to travel the world. All very sad but true!

Answer 7

My parents did just fine with us. What really helped is that we trusted them and they prepared us for life with sound advice. Talking with your kids and not talking at them works. Kids listen better when its a conversation instead of a lecture.
I think that people are less prepared to deal with kids these days verses when I was growing up. These days both parents must work if they are going to survive unlike back in the 50's and 60's. Today most child supervision is done with the TV and not activities.
I always remember the many walks we did when I was young. We were always walking on weekends. Exploring is what I call it. We lived in the big city but it was fun nevertheless. And talking.

Answer 8

My dad was very strict with me but not w/ my brothers. I left home at 15. I'm 38 and 6 kids now. I 'm semi strict. The age of the child determines the level of restrictions. I can't tell my 18 yr old what to do. I can just help guide him.
GOD BLESS

Answer 9

Parents today are way too lenient! They tend to want to"please" their children. In my day, and I am 55 yrs old, my parents were much harsher as far as punishment. Sooo...as a baby-boomer, I think the grandparents today installed in their children this harshness. So this generation of parents are going the opposite direction with discipline..do you see where I am heading with this? There needs to be a happy medium. Everyone I know now who has children tend to cater to their kids and is getting them nowhere.

Answer 10

My mother was very strict and dad was just right. My mother gave me the spanking and grounded me many times. My sister got away with murder in my mind, but she was very rebellious.

I always had a curfew time that I had better be home or else I was in trouble. God help me if I was late as Mother would be waiting.

Todays the parents have too many restrictions on them in raising their kids.