what should I do about this situation?

Question

It is not my fault that my husband is verbally abusive towards with. I have not cheated on him with my first love .I only chat with my first love on-line. I am unhappy because My husband is belittling me. It is not my fault that he is doing so. I do everything in my power to make him happy,but he keeps on putting me down and verbally abusing me. I don't want to stay in this situation if he keeps it up. I have talked to him about it,but that has not helped. He says that noone can change him and that he will not change for anyone.Please disregard my first question.This one here will doWhat should I do about this situation that I am in?My husband does know that I have been in contact with my first love and he is ok with it. He is in contact with his ex girlfriend as well.The reason I said that I wanted to wait until April is to give him a chance to change and also so that I can save up some money and be able to rent my own place. What would you do now?And how would you go about it?

I do love my husband and really don't want a divorce,but I don't want him to keep belittling me for no reason either. So if he won't change I don't want to stay unhappy. So please tell me what you would do if you were in my spot. I heard that if my husband is verbally abusive and not changing that he could start being physically abusive is that true?

Answer 1

He's already told you he's unwilling to change so don't wait for that to happen. If you think you can make it to April then by all means save up some money but the sooner you get out of this relationship the better.

Answer 2

Yes Mame, my ex verbally abused me for 3 years then turned violent.

Try to ignore his verbal comment by calling a girlfriend when he starts up. Let him know you will no longer tolerate it.
Leave the house if you have to and go grab a cup of coffee or tea somewhere to get a break.

Purchase some ear plugs too. Really. The less you hear, the better right now, but keep one eye on him at all times.

If you need to save money to move out, then i don't see anyother way.
Do you own your home? Go talk to several lawyer and get their advice, most offer a free 30 min. condultation.
Have your most important questions written down because you can not remember them all when you meet.
Make sure his/her answers make since to you if not ask him/her to explain.

Good luck. and if he hits you...call 911 and keep him record with the police.

Answer 3

If you have already talked to him and he has flat out stated that he see's no need to change for you or anyone, the longer you stay the worse it will get and yes there is a chance that the abuse could get physical. If you need to save money to move why not try a friend or relative, I'm sure you have options of where to go it is just making yourself want to leave.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

people will only change for themselves, not for anyone else. this is a fact. if you leave, even for a week, he should get the picture, and decide for himself what he's going to do. if he truly loves you, he'll realize what he's missing. don't cheat, that never solves anything, but making it work is SO worth it. good luck, and see if he'll do counseling, although he probably wont. my husband used to be very verbally abusive, and when i (faking) acted like it TOTALLY didn't matter, and what he did had NOTHING to do with how i was doing, or what i was doing, he snapped into reality and realized what he was doing, i can't say for sure that it'll happen like that for you, but i can only say, for me, it was worth the try a million times over. no matter WHAT he says, make sure (outwardly at least) that it doesn't bother you in the least. my hubby told me that he freaked when he realized that what he said didn't matter to me, and that he realized how much he needed me once i showed that i didn't need him, and wasn't controlled by everything he said. It really had a profound affect on him. I could go on and on, but follow my advice, don't let him think he runs you! (It was SO hard for me to do, but it worked!)

Answer 5

I wonder if me and you are married to the same man my husband is the same way and he says he is never going to change and if does not want to change then he is not going to so do not hold your breath no man is never going to change they are stuck on his way you need to get out of this situation it is not far for you and he is not worth staying for why don't you ask you old love if you can stay with him file for divorce and move on that man does not deserve you and if you do not want to do that then you can go to the health and social services department and get help they will help you get out of your house this is not right for you I know you are going to become like me I have developed a tendency and know I think everything that my husband says is true and if you have someone who respects you then leave why are you there.

Answer 6

I was in a similar situation for 13 years. Divorced in 2004 w/ 2 children. Once I knew i was leaving, i "laid low" so to speak, for an entire year. Met with a divorce attorney and prepared myself to leave. Visited parents & friends alot. Tried not to engage him in many conversations, didn't question where he was or where he was going. Woke him up one morning after the kids went to school and told him i was filing for divorce that morning. Thankfully he was'nt physically abusive. He stayed in the home during the entire divorce proceedings...8 mons!!
My only regrets...i didn't horde & hide any money!! I think he did.

Answer 7

So much depends on where you live and what the laws are! If you were to file for divorce, very often your husband will be required to move out and support you to some extent while the divorce is pending.

You need to go see a lawyer to know what can be done in your area.

Answer 8

You both need to stop talking to your ex's and have a long talk about what it is you want and what actions you are both willing to do to make things better and to make this marriage work. If you and him are not willing to give the marriage 100-100, you might as well call it quits right now.

Answer 9

Just leave....by staying you are enabling his behavior.....And giving him to April to change is ridiculous...He as already said that he isn't going to change....and he most definitely can and will start becoming physically abusive....

By the way...If you really do love your husband...You wouldn't be on the internet looking up your first love....that is a load of chit....

Answer 10

Well stop talking to your ex on-line. Whats the point, you must have a hidden adjenda, maybe you still like the man. If not then he's an ex for a reason and you don't need to talk to him.