When your kids mess up, is it better to shame them or beat them?

Question

In other words, is it better to attack psychologically by putting down their self-esteem and making them feel ashamed of themselves, or do you attack physically with beating?

Which is the better way to attack them?

Answer 1

NEITHER!

The most effective way of disciplining children is to use negative punishment on them. That is to remove good stimulus from them for a given amount of time (i.e. sending them on a time out - removing play time - or keeping them from eating their favorite dessert). but you still have to explain to them why you have to discipline them, otherwise, they wouldnt know why they are being punished and will most likely repeat whatever they did wrong.

Answer 2

Why would you put down their self- esteem? That's why some kids are so screwed up now because their parents make them feel like they are nothing. Try punishment, start taking things away from them. Beating them may work for the time-being, but in the long run they will probably continue to do what they are doing. Better yet sit down and talk to them if you are going to beat them and tell them why you are doing it and what they did to deserve their punishment.

Answer 3

First off, "beating." You sound like a viking! Never beat! Never shame them either! There are different views in psychology on reprimanding children. Beating or shaming are not options. Questions have to be asked first concerning a child on an individual basis. Does the kid have ADD or ADHD or sensory disorders or is he or she developmentally disabled, etc.

One has to know that children go through many critical periods of learning, where things seen and heard are learned by them and used later--social referencing (observational learning or imitating, also). At all times you must provide an enriched environment--the best way that you can.

Overall, beyond the different schools of psychology, some universal principles are recommended: parents must be authoritative, that is, provide FIRM and CONSISTENT GUIDANCE COMBINED with LOVE and AFFECTION. When disciplining, power assertion--"do this cause I said so"--is not good, neither is the withdrawal of love--"acting like you don't love your child for awhile." Discipline is best used with what is called "management techniques," that is combining praise, recognition, approval, with stern rules and reasoning to enforce child discipline.

I have found that the cognitive constructivist--changing a child's behavior by getting them to monitor, manage, and regulate their own behavior--approach combined with operant conditioning works best. You have to let them know--in a reasoning manner--that they have misbehaved, that there are consequences for it, and how not to do it again. Taking away something they enjoy--such as myspace--for a set time, never giving in on the period of restriction,and explaining why lets them know that there are prices to pay. Rewarding for all good actions lets them know there are rewards for conducting themselves properly.

Answer 4

A swat on the rear end is not a beating, and I think for instance I would rather my child have a swat on the butt when he runs out into the street to let him know it is unacceptable then a tire track on his head. As far as shaming them, If it is a extremely disrespectful or shameful thing they have done they need to know and why it was shameful. How else are they going to learn.

Answer 5

I read somewhere about a tribe that actually tells the offender how much he is valued in the culture. The thinking is a person only acts out when they feel unloved, or undervalued. I think there may be something to it.

Never shame a child, condemn the action and make consequences swift and meaningful. For me punishment was cleaning to military specifications. I come from a military family. For my sister it was no social contact -- no phone, no parties, no friends. Shaming and violence will only make your child resent you. You want a child who respects you.

Answer 6

You have got to be kidding me! Is this a serious question? NEITHER! You use positive reinforcement. You have a basket and you sit it in the living room and each time they do something wrong you take one of their favorite things away and put it in the basket. Make them earn the toy, movie, video game or whatever they love back. Don't ruin their self-esteem that lasts longer than the pain they feel when you spank them.

Answer 7

Neither! Both methods may get the immediate desired result, but the long-term effects are very detrimental. You need to take some parenting courses to learn some truly effectual strategies or ask the question of what is the best form of discipline in a specific situation. Please don't beat or shame!

Answer 8

I hope you are not serious- both are horrible. If your child makes a mistake let them know it was wrong also why and what needs to be done- but don't crush their esteem. Making mistakes are part of life and growing up- everyone makes mistakes, it is a form of learning. NEVER attack a child!!!

Answer 9

Neither. I once listened to a father's advice that he observe the behaviors of his children and if the matters are not so serious, he just leave them.

If they really did something wrong that are considered serious or off the track, then he will explain the life principles and consequences to them and make sure they understand and back on track.

Answer 10

none.
Giving explanations of the mess they did would b better. Always talk and xplain thngs. Dnt beat or shame or attack. . U can motivate them listen to you by giving your love and love only.

Answer 11

Neither. You should never go into a war mode with your children, you should never cause them to think defensively which places them in the grip of fear which will come out of them in distorted ways. You need to talk with them and have them explain in their own words and understanding of what just happened.And be careful in the tone you use. Then they will be able to hear you and the chances for their understanding and learning will increase to a more mature level for their age.