Married over 20 years, but the last year has been without any sex. I have tried dating her again, flowers, dinner, walks, hand holding, the works. She loves me dearly and I love her but am not ready to put the sexually side of my life away into a box. What can I do to reawaken her sexual side, or should I just be happy with love and look for sex outside with someone else.
2007-11-09 01:38:33 · 23 answers · asked by Wang Delot 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ur 20 years married, u shud talk this with ur wife. not here.
2007-11-09 01:41:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is not unreasonable to expect a sexual relationship inside of marriage.
If there is no physical challange component it comes down to desire and willingness. To me lack of desire and unwillingness is not acceptable.
I think you have to work on those first. Deal with your marriage issue in the marriage. If there is no solution to your satisfaction it may be time to move on.
We all know that is not the best solution but it is the right thing to do if there can be no resolve.
I would not live my life without a physical relationship to go with the emotional one.
If that makes me shallow, oh well.
Maybe the reawakening requires the alarm clock. "honey I'm not willing to continue like this".
If she really loves you and wants you to stay she will find a way.
How much of this is just lack of effort to please?
The saying about "use it or lose it" is so true where a sexual relationship is concerned.
I would put it squarely on her shoulders to make some changes. This would go with the threat of leaving her.
Do not go outside the marriage. Fix that first or put it aside but do you part to repair the marraige.
Do not become a cheater it will only make you look bad and complicte things. Your problem is your wife . Work in that framework until all your options are used up.
We've all been there at one time or another if we are married long enough. Women often feel as if they can just put their sexuality on the shelf and we are supposed to take it. It starts with the premarital sex thing into pregnancy and childbirth and child rearing. After we get through all that then we deal with menstration issues, menopause and the hormonal changes that that brings. All the while we are supposed to wait for our wives to have a sexual relationship. When all those things are over then we still have to wait, why? Just because.
Sir, I understand. I would not put up with it. There was a time where sex was considered wifely duty. Where did that turn into the husbands duty to wait?
So far we've worked through it.
Good Luck,
"We're pulling for you, We're all in this together". Red Green
BTW there is no doubt in my mind that this will get a number of thumbs down ,from the women who think it is somehow okay to ask their husbands to live without sex. They would be the same ones who also think that the marriage goes only one way, to them.
2007-11-09 10:10:44 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you taken her away from your normal surroundings? All of the things you are doing are on the right track, but sometimes we need a different environment. Most importantly do not pressure her. Try to take her mind off of everything that is going on in her world, which you might not know the half of it. If you love your wife as much as you say you do you would not even dare think of someone else. You need to know she probably knows that is a reality to her, which could be adding to her pressure's. If you are starting to tempt the thought of someone else you need to leave your wife first. Maybe your are subconsciously being selfish and she can tell that and that might be unattracitng her? Just be patient with her, it will should pay off. Guys have no idea how much we have to go through, so that isn't always the top priority, sometimes just making it through the day is all she might thinking about.
2007-11-09 09:52:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that, first of all, you could gently approach her by TALKING about it -- let her know you miss the closeness and intimacy you once had, and that you'd like to get it back. Ask her if there is an issue you can both work on -- even talk to a sex/marriage counselor for help and advice.
Perhaps she is lacking hormones these days, too? You didn't mention her age. Women go through different hormone cycles throughout life, and this could be an issue. You won't know until you explore all avenues.
This is rather humorous, but i have to tell you -- my mother-in-law was around 80 when her doctor prescribed a hormone cream for her to use vaginally because of thinning walls.. well, maybe that's too much information, but it caused her to become a little hormonal -- she was "sweet on" her preacher, and i really do think it was the hormone cream... so there are products and treatments out there which can help.
take care.
2007-11-09 09:51:46 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
do not look for sex elsewhere!!!
have you asked her why she doesnt want to?
you are married and communication is the number one key in a relationship so if you don't confront her on this .. the issue may never go away.
menopausal women are less likely to feel like a woman after it and they tend to not want to have sex because their orgasms weaken
if she had a hysterectomy she is no longer able to acheive a vaginal orgasm and that might be her issue that she lost all her female parts and now can't have an orgasm and you will still have one because it hasn't affected you
best of luck!
2007-11-09 09:43:50 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, if I was your wife, I would practilly leave you for evening thinking about going to find someone else to have sex with. After having my second baby I didn't want to have sex at all... either.. So I know how she feels. But you really need to talk to her. But don't make her feel like its her fault. This will just depress her and make her not want to do it even more. Its good that you are doing all those nice things for her. But try not to make it seem like you are doing it to "get sex" I don't know why but that is a real turn off. You really need to talk to her and find out why she has no more desire.. Maybe she could use a little doctors advice.. to get her libido back.
best of luck!
2007-11-09 09:46:59 · answer #6 · answered by Kressen 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
never cheat on your wife you could get an std at anytime and how would you explain that to her then? you need to talk to about it! if you already have then. some women have their estrogen level is off and she maybe going throw menopause and this could not want to have sex. she need to go talk to a doctor about this problem. or she may have a hide resentment to you. so i think talking to her make be better but if that goes no where then go see a doctor
2007-11-09 09:45:50 · answer #7 · answered by holly s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if she just no longer wants sex, tell her you do. Then ask if she minds you calling a professional. If she has a problem with that then let her know you have a problem with A YEAR OF NO SEX!
2007-11-09 09:46:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her.Is she going through the "change" if she is her Doctor can give her shots.There has to be a reason for it.Talk to your wife and get her to see her Doctor.If you cheat you will be single soon and I can tell you it's bad out here to be single as an older man unless you have millions of dollars you still won't be getting any!
2007-11-09 09:44:52 · answer #9 · answered by notagain49 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try being romantic buy her some flowers organise a romantic meal hug her let her know you still find her very attractive see where it goes.... but don't look elsewhere and don't bully her into having sex with you take it slowly she probably needs reassurance that you still want her good look.
2007-11-09 09:50:04 · answer #10 · answered by emma2107 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't look for sex outside but you should discuss with your wife regarding your sexual desire.Try to discuss with your wife to consult a gynea of her problem.
2007-11-09 09:46:52 · answer #11 · answered by rootbeer_118 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋