I have been with my fiance for 4 years now he says he doesn't want kids ever should i stay will he change?

Question

I'm 22 he's 25 and i'm not on about kids now im too young but when im 28 maybe but he says he never wants kids ever so im not sure if i should stay will he ever change his mind im very confused i thought we were very happy together and were working for the same things

Firstly we are very happy and i would only like 1 child we have talked about it but he is dead set against even the idea i do love him but I could live without him

would it be so bad to forget to take the pill when the time comes.....
I have seen him around my neices and nephews he is very good but also very timid is this the problem he's worried he won't be a good dad or know what to do

Answer 1

Tell him that you do want kids down the road and if he doesnt', there really isn't any point to go on.

Answer 2

The two of you are still very young yet, It's highly likely that he could very well change his mind in a few years. It's not out of the norm that someone his age would make a statement like that. However, he could mean exactly what he says and may never want children. This is definitely a problem the two of you need to discuss throughly and more than once.
In a relationship, especially a marriage, you have to learn how to compromise and if he loves you, the least he should do is think about it because it's not only about what he wants and needs when you're considering marriage.
Also, you need to be very careful because if he really doesn't want children and he continues to say this to you, even a few years from now, the last thing you'd want to do, is have him caught in a situation with you, where he felt forced or bullied into having a child he doesn't want. Because, if he does love you, he may just agree to make you happy and then be resentful towards you because of it and I can guarantee there will be no happy ending there.

When you talk with him and don't bombard him with constantly asking and talking about it, give it some space and time between discussions. So, when you talk with him, express to him your dreams of having a family and what having a child means to you. Show him how important it is to you that you have children. Also, ask him why he feels he doesn't want to have children, you may find there's a valid reason for his feelings and he may be willing to compromise with you about your feelings.

Answer 3

Don't 'forget' to take your pill. It would be too obvious after your disagreement about kids. You say you can live with out him, but can you live without having any kids? He should of told you sooner that he didn't want kids, before things got serious. I would get rid and when the time is right,find another boyfriend who would like to have kids. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I know you love him............but you have to ask your self the question........do you want a life with out having a child,its very deep and can only be answered by you,as you are the one who is going to have to deal with your body urges,the natural wanting to have the person that you love child,some thing created by you both.
woman naturally think what it would be like to have a baby growing inside of them,its a whole package.so think care fully what you want.who knows what the following years bring,some woman don't want kids ,others agree not to have kids as there partner does not want them,some times this can be the woman,you will be the one knowing what you want.
Its not easy for you,good luck in what you decide

Answer 5

you have to decide what is more important to you
your boyfriend or a child
I have 3 kids and months before i got married i made it clear i wanted kids if he wasnt happy with that we could both look for someone else

it is not worth hoping he will change his mind, if he does change his mind to make you happy and giver you what you want it could cause a lot of problems later on
he could resent the child the time you need to devote to it lack of freedom money etc

it is not worth waiting and hoping he will change his mind he may not and he shouldnt wait hoping you will change your mind either

have a proper discussion with him about this (if you havent already) the only people who can make the decision is you and your boyfriend

Answer 6

My Dad didn't want kids, he was adamant! Infact most of my family, cousins, nephews etc.. were unplanned. Unfortunately for them, accidents happen, the pill often goes wrong (Just ask my mum, now she has 3 beautiful mistakes!)

You know what? My dad adores us all and wouldn't be without any of us.

Answer 7

Talk to him.
It really is a serious issue. A woman's needs for children is surely very powerful. In years to come, if you stayed together, you may end up hating him for this decision.
If you think you might then what's the point in staying together.

Answer 8

I think you should chat to him about it.
I'm the same age as you and my fiance is 24.
I have wanted kids for as long as i can remember
So having children is very important to me. I’d love to have 3 and I'm lucky enough to have found a man who wants babies too.
He only wanted 1 tho, but we’ve decided on 2 then once we’ve had the 2 then he says we can see about a third if I still want to have another (who knows by that stage I could be knackered!)

My point is that relationships are all about honesty and compromise.
Chat to him about this and let him know how strongly you feel about it.
Maybe he’ll be willing to compromise with you- 1 child would be better than none, don’t you think?

If he’s not willing to compromise then, it’s your call.
At least he let you know before the I do’s!!


Good Luck hun. I hope you get the answer you are looking for!

If you do want to "forget" to take your pill- bear in mind that you are specifically going against his wishes. Tempting i know but nieces and nephews are just that! They aren't your own responsibility- you can give them back when they start to cry. It just depends what his reasons are for not wanting children.

Answer 9

Quit acting stupid!

If you want kids and he doesn't then this is a deal breaker! You don't go into marriage thinking you will change someone because if you do you doom yourself to fail! So instead of asking to end up in divorce court break up with him now and get on with your life!!!!!

Answer 10

You can't compromise on kids. If you know you want them, and he says he doesn't, you can't marry him thinking he'll change his mind. Most people don't, and then that's the end of the marriage. Clearly, he's not working towards having a family. He just wants to have a "family of two" as we childfree couples like to say. If my husband up and said, "I change my mind, I have to have kids"... well, that would probably be the end of us. You have to sort this out now, or you'll regret it.

Answer 11

You need to weigh up the options. If having children is a definite plan for you and this not happening would be devestating to you, then this really can't work. However, if you love him and feel he is the only man for you then you may have to sacrifice your chance of children if you think that this is what you want.

It would be interesting to ask him what it is that makes him so against having children. Although it is not something that you can compromise on (you either do or don't have children) if you could allay some of his fears about the effect it could have on your relationship then this may work.

It is surprising that in your 4 years together, this hasn't come up before as an issue and you haven't talked about it. Either way, it is time to start talking about some important things.