I have an old friend (he's 41) who i bumped into about 2 years ago and invited him to join our once a week 5 a side football team. I had not seen him in a long time and we were good friends during our school days.
It would be fair to say that life has been harder on him than me as he is getting divorced, his kids are pissing him off and he was involved in a car accident in which he lost half an ear!
With all this going on he constantly gets angry and frustrated on the pitch, swearing and kicking at other team mates. And now he has turned on me saying that i don't pass the ball and that he has scored more goals than me. I never criticise his football even though he can only toe-poke everything!
To make things worse he is now playing 3 games a week and players are telling me he's running me down behind my back!
He is now dyeing his hair, waxing and drinking all week-end with the single footballers'. People are asking me "how do you know him?". Have i opened pandora's box?
2007-11-08 21:55:26 · 10 answers · asked by Spartacus 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Without sounding like the devils advocate, I would say kill him with kindness.
Yea, let him run with the ball, give him a hard time once in a while to get some vents open! But get some one on one time with him to find out where he is and get him grounded. Keep his head on through all he's going through, give him a REAL goal in life so he develops purpose for living, like he's doing hanging out with the jocks- that's purposeful, he's liked and accepted, he's fitting in the young crowd again.
He's probably looking for the comradery to get his mind off his situation. But drinking can be a crutch also. Find out where he's going, get his game plan, pull him to the carpet about what he's saying through the grape vine, be straight as a plumb line.
If he is running too fast to slow down, you might be too late. See if the guys he's hangin' with are of a like mind as you, otherwise I would find who is and start a new team. Don't encourage degradation, only edify what is positive.
Your the captain, right? There is a saying by John Maxwell "If your leading and no one is following, your just out taking a walk." Hope it helps.
2007-11-08 22:21:17 · answer #1 · answered by Rock 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I write this without reading other response...
The thing is this, this man is hurting. You not opened a pandoras box that was not there already.
Be kind to him. It may be difficult to understand the things he is going through. It is even more difficult when he is putting his anger on you, but the more kind ness you show, the better he will be, and in return, the better you will be.
At least you can walk away when he is kicked off the team for not performing as, "Hey, i was good to him. He at least is not thinking bad of me."
At the lest selfish and most giving, "Hey, this guy just has insecuirities because he is not where he was. i understand this and feel bad for and will be kind to him, without pity, but with understanding instead."
Talk to your teammates and others. If he has "grandfather" rights, then be kind. can you imaginebeing in hs shoes. Maybe make friends with him in case he is kicked off so he has somewhere to turn or to direct him in a way where he can.
Kindness is the best way to deal with things such as this...
2007-11-09 06:32:38 · answer #2 · answered by Doodlebug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pandora exist in people's fears.
you did a nice thing for him, inviting him to play with you.
If he is behaving in a way that is upsetting others , what does it mean about you? Nothing!!! Nothing at all!!!!
you knew him from school, he is probably a different person, it was a nice try to have him as a friend, if it doesn't work, let it go.
If he is saying things behind your back, ignore it and do all the you can not to be the same. never, never say anything bad about him behind his back. This is something people fail to do, if someone does something not nice to them they feel they have to react the same way, well, they don't! the only way to show him and the others you are not happy about him talking behind your back is not to do it yourself and keep yourself clean.
If someone asks how do you know him, tell them the truth," I know him from school, I met him again 2 years ago and invited him to play with us. He is going through tough times now, forgive him! "
All is going to be OK.
We bring people into our life to learn from. Even from people doing things we are not Happy about, we can learn a lot. allow him to be the person that brought you a lot of learning about yourself.
Stay a nice guy!
Ronit
http://www.ronitbaras.com
2007-11-09 06:09:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough one, this guy obviously isn't the same guy you used to know back in school am I right? If he slating you, be thankful the people around you are letting you know he is doing it, let the dog have his day, people are obviously not going to put up with it for much longer, and if they don't have the balls have a word with him tell him he is bein an a$$hole and that everyone has told you what he was saying.
2007-11-09 06:38:07 · answer #4 · answered by Cassius 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did a good thing. You cannot predict what goes on while you are not with someone. I think everyone has figured out where this person is coming from and adults decide for themselves. I think I have a good idea what is going on. Can you figure it out? He has classic signs. I don't know if circumstance drove him to it or is just making his problems worse.
2007-11-09 06:26:16 · answer #5 · answered by cavassi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should be ashamed of yourself Watt has having half an ear like a ferengi got to do with anything are you the empathetic dispenser of advice.
could it be you are only jealous of his footballing prowess and somehow would like to be as good as him.I think he is your Nemesis who hunts you in your sleep.with him playing 3 games a week he has to be better and fitter, as for drinking all weekend and having a hard life i bet you would like to step into his shoes just to taste life in the fast lane just once your lucky you have a friend at all.
2007-11-09 13:17:35 · answer #6 · answered by berlin in october 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For you and those on your team it is a Pandora's box. You did not open it but provided the atmosphere, and your friend released his trauma there.
2007-11-09 06:06:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
eeeoooowwwww don't you hate that! I think you just have to move on. distance yourself from him without being downright rude. when people ask you about him just say he went to the same school and that is about it.
he was probably always this revolting but you just didn't see it until now.
p.s. hope that waxing hurts him like hell - joke
2007-11-09 06:00:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont worry..people like him dont last for long in any social group ..footballer friends already know you so they will not judge you by his words..let him behave like he is behaving every one will soon find out what sort of a person he is and will start to ignore him..he ll be gone soon!
2007-11-09 06:52:40 · answer #9 · answered by iveaquestion 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to mess around with this kind of guy. What ever it takes, move on!
2007-11-09 06:35:15 · answer #10 · answered by charlesdclimer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋