wife wont tell truth until shes confronted, how do i fix this?

Question

my wife has lied about so much, and im not sure why. we have a appointment with a counsiler in a couple of days. i know she wont be truthfull with him. im confussed, she lies about her guy friends and lies about money...what do i do???? i would love your suggestions......thank you

Answer 1

I don't know whys she is lying but here is a suggestion:

How easy is it for her to tell you the truth? Don't just answer this right away--think about how you react to things. Heck, think about it for a day and then ask her how she feels about telling you things she links you might not like.

I mean, I love my husband alot but if there is something that he generally doesn't react well to, it makes me really nervous to tell him and sometimes I will even put it off for a few days until I am feeling "strong".

It may be that she isn't trying to hide anything (although she may very well be)...but rather that there are certain things she wants to do and she feels a certain way about somethings that she knows you won't agree with and you aren't very open minded or you aren't the most calm and rational person when it comes to those particular topics so she avoids them or lies when cornered.

In the end, you can't change another person's behavior but you might be able to influence the way she treats/reacts to you by changing the response you give her.

Best wishes.

P.S. If she lies to the marriage counselor or decides she doesn't want to continue to go--you keep going by yourself...don't give up. Chances are, you can change this and save your marriage.

Answer 2

did she lie before you married her? i think counseling is a good idea but perhaps she needs it alone as well?? maybe she would feel more comfortable telling the truth if she were alone with the counselor...besides, this lying is obviously a problem in the marriage but more of a personal problem it sounds like. people lie for all different reasons and sometimes for no reason at all but to lie...who knows. call her out on her lies in front of the counselor, there's no use spending money for one if she's going to get off with lying. make it known to the counselor that she has an issue, then leave it up to the counselor, who SHOULD be pretty good already at spotting lying.

Answer 3

Been there done that. Let the counsler catch her in some lies just to see how she reacts when he calls her on one of them. Whatever you do don't call them lies, refer to them as "stories". If you love her and she's still giving up to you and know one else, then keep her and learn to deal with it. But if she is financially sucking the life out of you and you're always depressed and she spends more time with her guy friends then you. Just do yourself a favor and go find yourself a good divorce lawyer or a real good Pastor. Good luck.

Answer 4

Ok my wife hasn't lied about the guy friends but has lied about money

She's spend crazy and one day walked up to me and said "I cannot afford to pay my portion of the mortgage because I have $X in credit card debt" We had to sell our dream home as a result, I've been depressed ever since.

In a nutshell, my advice is run, run away, unless there's children involved.

Answer 5

Go to the counselor. He/She should advise that you see the counselor "separately". That way, your wife has a chance to really talk to the counselor and get to the "core problems" of her habitual lying. After you've gone into counseling separately, then you should follow w/ joined sessions. Make sure you are both comfortable w/ the counselor as well, otherwise you are wasting your rime and money. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

(since im a wife myself) ask her this:

what are you trying to protect by lying, me or yourself? maybe you just don't want to look bad in front of me that's why you do this. Don;t you think that by sticking with you until now proves that i love you no matter what?

also, i think that your wife maybe insecure in some areas. if your ultimate showdown doesn't change her then its time to make decisions for yourself. will you be happy even if these things continue in your marriage? will your love be enough?

its difficult to hold on when things are shaky, its takes strength and force of will. But remember that sometimes is easier to hold on than let go.

Answer 7

Been there myself. Some people just can't help themselves. There's no rhyme or reason, they just need to lie. Sounds like she's a compulsive liar. It's a disorder and counseling could really help her, but she needs to see that is what she's doing. Good luck hun. This is a tough situation to be in.

Answer 8

She might have a habitual lier problem, maybe she is scared of telling the truth, like a phobia or something, she needs some help.

Answer 9

Hmmm.... Honestly just tell her how you feel about it. That your confused as to why she lies, and ask her why she won't tell the truth. If she doesn't admit to knowing what you're talking about, then maybe counseling is the best bet =x

Answer 10

I don't know, did you tell her the one question you answered out of all the questions out there was a perv question?

Maybe she feels she has to bring in extra income as you are not educated enough to get a decent job.

Maybe you are so overbearing she has no choice but to lie, so she doesn't have to listen to you falsely accuse her of stuff.

Who knows, only she knows..............