My Pledge
If you would only hold me
take my hand and walk with me...
we'll both find our way
through these forest lost and darkened
I will never let you go
i will be here beside you
I will bear all thorns
as we walk these miles ..
you and me through this vast expanse
just dont let go, don't stray afar
i will be with you in the darkest hour
we will find our way...
where nothing can hurt us...
I promise you my life
i pledge to you my heart
We willl get out of this hell alive
together and alive.
2007-11-08 18:24:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
oops...that should've been...
through this forest lost and darkened
tee hee...yikes
2007-11-08 18:26:08 · update #1
OMG you ARE prolific. This one reminds me of Dante walking through Hell. It's amazing! As a sidebar, you have a marvelous sense of humor. I would love to see a funny poem. Could you please try to write one?
2007-11-08 23:56:39 · answer #1 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A bit yes, but why don't you concentrate on formal aspects of your writing? It would greatly improve it, as you obviously love writing.
Just a suggestion: why don't you try longer sentences, or at least longer clauses? Not necessarily longer lines, as you can always divide them. I noticed here that you express things with rather short clauses. Maybe you could spend some time rewriting or writing with longer clauses: you could experiment a different type of rhythm.
Good luck!
2007-11-09 02:59:38 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Annabella-VInylist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if ur planning to give this to someone its kinda cheesy..
but its much better than d last poem u posted.. i guess u love to keep ur feelings to urself ryte? n i see u r willing to take critics from ppl u dont noe so that u'll be a better writer.. keep it up.
2007-11-09 02:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by pure_fun 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most people may not remember what you say, or do. but they damn sure remember how you made them feel.
this poem is, like, a sad and desperate scenario. it makes me feel glad that i'm on the outside looking in.
2007-11-09 02:51:37 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, a bit cheesy, but still sweet and cute!
2007-11-09 11:42:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sad...romantic...emotional...moving...dramatic
2007-11-09 22:45:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋