Wife and I seem to be in a never ending disagreement...?

Question

My wife and I seem to get mad at each other over everything. We have been married 14 months, have a 3 month old child and seem to be just scraping by on the money scale. I know it is stressful for her to be at home all week with the baby while i go to work and I get stressed out too at work. To top it off we are lower on money right now than we have ever been and the stress from that can be overwhelming at times. We just cant seem to get along. Any advice on how to solve some of these issues and also some creative ideas to come up with an extra cushion in the bank (work from home jobs, part time morning job ideas, etc...)

oh yeah, I am gone from 2pm to 1am Monday-Friday at work and she does work on saturday and sunday

Answer 1

The two of you need to sit down and talk about EVERYTHING that is stressing you out.
Come up with a budget. Do you have digital cable? Downgrade to regular. Buy generic brands when grocery shopping. Do you stop at Starbucks every morning on the way to work? Brew coffee at home instead. Bring your own home made lunch to work instead of take-out. Buy only what you need and what is on sale. Buy in bulk. You spend more initially, but you are paying less (especially DIAPERS and baby food). Rent movies instead of going out. Get a sitter and have a romantic dinner at home instead of in a restaurant. Turn down your hot water heater a few degrees to save on heat bill. Use cold water for laundry instead of warm.
Be patient. It is VERY tough to be home all day every day with a child. She's still postpartum, too. My husband and I went through that after our daughter was born-we went from two incomes to one, and it took a long time to get used to. But it does get easier. Just try not to snap at each other. It seems hopeless right now, but you'll get through it, I promise.

Answer 2

I have been with my Husband for 14 years on im only going to be 31 on sunday. We have 2 girls 10 and 5. We have gone through it all But I can honestly say from experience that the financial part of our marriage has been the toughest. When I was 22 I found out that I have degenerative disc disease so for the past 6 years I have been on disability making only $700 a month. Just recently we started going to estate auctions around or town and we are actually able to put away some money now. We buy lots of collectibles and other household items for as low as $2 a box and we sell everything on Ebay. the nice thing is I am still home for the kids and im making over 75% profit. There are alot of get rich schemes out there so just don't be coned into them.

Trust me just taking a little time for just the 2 of you will help your marriage a great deal. Hang in there everything will work its self out in the end as long as you love each other and appreciate what you both do for the good of your family everything including the money problems will work out. And some day you will both look back on this time and be so happy that you beat the odds and raised a happy and healthy family
Good luck

Answer 3

Your decription could have been me and my husband 4 years ago. I understand where you're coming from.

This is what works for us...I know it's an overwhelming "sacrifice" for some, but our life has become so wonderful since.

1. No cell phones.
2. No cable TV.
3. Shop wisely (I feed a family of 4, primarily organics, on under $400 a month.).
4. Your wife could get a little part time job during hours your home. I work 20ish hours a week at a grocery store, we get a little extra pay and a discount on food.
5. I sell stuff on ebay. Hit the garage sales and look around the house...the strangest things sell.
6. Cook at home, go out to eat once or twice a month.
7. Get back to the basics...once we started cutting back, we couldn't believe how much money we were wasting a month.

You just have to prioritize...it sounds like you guys decided it was important for her to be home...you can do it. As a couple, set your mind on a small financial goal, like putting $100 in the bank. Baby steps may be small, but they are a step in the right direction.

Please stick through this together. We struggled so bad the first few years...had a baby, moved from Hawaii to GA, my husband switched jobs, had car troubles, had dental work done, it felt like the domino effect. But with a little perseverence, we now have two cars (as of 3 months ago), our first house, two beautiful girls, and happiness. We laugh now at the struggles we had and know that it was just a season and we're closer now for it. Things are way better now. And, for you, they will get better too. Be patient and remember that relationships and memories are what you'll remember in the future, so what seems huge now, probably will be something you'll barely remember. Love your wife and baby.....good luck and god bless all of you.

Answer 4

Money will always be a stress issue, and having a newborn doesn't make it easier, the best advice I can give is "Be Sweet" sounds weird, but it makes sense. Be as sweet as you can to her, avoid arguments any way you can, be affectionate as much as possible and don't stop. She needs to feel secure and sometimes all that takes is putting your arms around her, for no reason, and just holding her. Also, if she sees you having a calmer attitude and biting your tongue, it should make her react the same toward you. If your love and bond is strong, you will get thru this. Just take lots of deep breaths, and "Be Sweet"!

Not sure about the work from home idea, but I work 3 nights a weeks at a hotel. I work 11pm to 7am, and it helps with the bills, plus I was home with my son during the day before he started school. I've been doing it for 5 yrs now. Maybe this could work. You, as the husband would have to chip in with the baby at night, but that's what it's all about, teamwork!
Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

From personal experience i would be willing to bet that once the stress of money problems gets better so will your relationship. There are so many work from home jobs that she could do to earn money, does she have a hobby she could turn into extra income? Some examples are Stampin'Up!, Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Avon, Do Re Mi Toys etc. Since they aren't traditional jobs she could do these w/out taking time away from the baby. I love scrapbooking so I started selling Stampin'Up and I have 2 classes a month at my home & that pays for the auto & home insurance plus groceries. I know it's not much but it's something. good luck, I know it's hard sometimes!

Answer 6

Just sit down with your wife and have a nice heart to heart talk. Tell her that you understand how hard it must be to be home with the baby all the time and it's not easy for you either being stressed out at work all day and then to come home feeling bad that your not making enough money. As the marriage vows say, "For better or for worse!" Tell her this is a bump on the road and to hang in there, it will get better. Then tell her that it doesn't help the situation any to be fighting all the time. Hope things get better for you. Good luck.

Answer 7

There's a movie where a radio announcer tells everyone to stick their head out the window and shout how much life sucks. You slowly see first one, then another, then another person shout. It picks up momentum. Pretty soon, everyone is shouting how life sucks.
Your situation is like that. If you stuck your head out the window and said that money is tight and you argue with your wife all the time over life's stressors, you'll begin to hear most everyone shout the same thing out their windows.
Others have put out some hard-hitting advice. It's not easy. I suggest you listen to the Dave Ramsey program on the radio (financial advice for those who can't make ends meet). Talk face to face with other couples your age and life station who can empathize with you but have found creative solutions.
My last advice: let the one who stresses more about money and spending be the one to hold the purse strings. The other person (that would be me in my marriage) mustn't have free access to the credit cards or debit cards. Only buy what's on the agreed-upon shopping list. And return stuff you bought for comfort or on impulse.
Well, one more point (echoing what someone else said, too): go gently with your wife. Find out what her "love language" is and feed her need for love, security, and appreciation.

Answer 8

You won't like this, but having a new baby is HARD work. She is tired, doesn't feel 100% still, probably a bit down too. Don't argue with her, try to help her when you get home, change a diaper, bathe the baby, cook dinner. Talk to her. Right now this is the hardest thing she has probably ever done, and she probably doesn't want to admit it for fear someone will judge her. Just try to be supportive. Who is this part time job for? You? Don't say her! She is busy enough, and you may get a rolling pin to the head in your sleep!

Good luck!

And sorry, your stress at work...not even close.

Answer 9

Would she be apposed to watching a couple children in your home while other mother's are at work? If she's good w/children, she just might be able to watch a couple more children since she's already at home & it wouldn't cause an impositiom with your own younger child. Since she's already at home, some of he local mothers might just like the idea of someone watching their child instead of taking them to day care. They could all take a nap at the same time which would give her a break. It just might be something to suggest to her as a way to make some exra money, but still be at home w/yourown child. Just a suggestion. The stress of not being able to make ends meet puts a real crimp on any young couple. Maybe food for thought.

Answer 10

Newly married and new baby, definitely causes a lot of stress. Be kind to each other. Go back to school and get a better job. Speak to a counselor at your nearest college and see about financial aide to help you go to school.

Get some one you trust to watch the baby and have a couple of hours to relax or go out with each other. Even if it is just to the park for a picnic. Or a walk around the block . Or a nice uninterrupted nap.

Count the blessings you do have.