Bad feelings about Christmas. How can I handle the inlaws?

Question

My husbands mother irritates me when it comes to the holidays. She always thinks my family should be the one to roll over and let her have all the exact dates. Christmas irritates me the most. She calls us ahaed of time to tell us what they want for christmas and it is always expensive! Then she gets me some cheap crappy thing and gets my sister inlaw something really expensive.It would not bother me so much if it was just me. She does the same w/ the kids! She gets her daughter 3 or 4 expensive gifts and my child one cheap gift that looks as if it came from the dollar store. Last yr they gave her a doll house, a Dora doll, and grandpa made her a beautiful wooden rocking horse. They gave my son a 50 piece puzzle. I was speachless! My son got tears in his eyes and said, "Is there anything else? Why does she always get more?" I had no answer for him. I just said "Just think of all the cool toys you have now from Santa!"
It is to the point that I do not even want to go. My husband will

not say anything to her though. I get along very well w/ her and I think she likes me. I just don't understand it.

I think I will buy her a puzzle. LOL Good idea. She probably does not even remember what she got him though, so it will probably not dawn on her the why of it. Good idea to bring some extra gifts w/ us too.

Okay, I don't like her much but I pretend to. LOL I have no idea why she does not like me though. This has been going on for 4 yrs and I never did anything to her nor she to me except the Christmas crap she pulls. In fact she has thanked me for being a good wife to her son. Kinda starnge huh?

It is not her daughter, it is her daughter inlaw. (my sister inlaw)

I live almost 2 hrs from my parents and we live 20 minutes from his. He hardly sees them or talks to them, same w/ his brother and the sister inlaw. When we go to my folks we play cards and have a great time. My family treats my husband like a brother/son. I go there about 3 times a month because of the distance.His family is just not close so I do not see why we even need to go. But my husband gets upset w/ me and says we need to go. I just dread it.

Every time I see a Christmas oriented add I cringe. LOL

Answer 1

Ive never heard of anyone telling someone else what they should get them. Dont get her what she tells you to get her. Get her one of those lame 1000 piece puzzles that cost about $4.
And for your son? Hold back a couple cool gifts for after visiting there so he knows when he gets home he has a couple more neat surprises to look forward to. It will make him forget the disappointment there. Make this a tradition for him. So this year when hes disappointed just say dont be sad theres a surprise at home for you.
As he grows up he will see for himself he is not worthy in her eyes and he will not be there for her when he is older. She is planting a seed of discord but dont you let it spread hate to you and never badmouth her to him. He will figure out for himself she is cruel.
Your husband is blind because he wants to be.

Answer 2

Your question gave me a stomachache...I just hate people who completely disregard a child's feelings like that. We, as adults, get angry -and a little hurt- and eventually get over it, but this to a child, is a big deal. Doesn't your husband say anything about this? His job -and yours- is to protect his family. I don't care if your MIL is the Queen of England, Christmas is supposed to be a happy, beautiful holiday for everyone, not just for the people she chooses. I would -ahead of time- gather the whole family up (grownups), and tell them to come up with a price range for Christmas gifts (one price for children, another for adults, maybe); I would make it very clear that the reason for this is that I don't consider it fair for some family members to be getting $100-dollar gifts when others are getting $10-dollar gifts...And I don't care if your husband tells you not to give all this so much importance; it's not even about the gifts, it's about treating everybody equally and making sure everybody is happy, not just your MIL, ughh! I wish I were your sister or something so that I could get a chance to talk to your MIL in person...hahah, better not!

Answer 3

This is not uncommon in the gift giving with inlaws that have two or more siblings. Your sister inlaw may have other problems (mental) that your mother-n-law goes out of her way not to disrupt her. Now as far as you mother-n-law calling and letting you know what she wants for Christmas is her way of making sure that you don't buy her something that she is never going to use or wear. Get her a gift card from her favorite store and let your husband know that his parents can come to your house this year for Christmas. Just put your foot down for once and be the kind of women that your parents raised you to be. Good luck!

Answer 4

Ok, first and foremost, decline the invitation to visit for Christmas. When asked why, tell her. You don't believe in favoritism and you won't subject your son to it any longer. As for the expensive gifts for her daughter, she's gonna do that. Maybe she should start giving you a gift certificate if she doesn't know what to get you. Tell your husband that its not worth it. Christmas isn't about what you get, I know. But its not ok to constantly make it painfully obvious that they prefer one child over another. I am 27 years old and I still have hard feelings toward some of my family. My grandparents did it to me my entire life and now I hardly ever see them. I always felt like I didn't measure up. I didn't get invited to stay the night all the time or coddled like my sister. Same thing goes with my kids. My sister's kids are always getting invited to spend the night, expensive gifts, etc. My sister even got two cars given to her by them. All this will cause even more problems later on in life. Fix it now. Hubby can't and shouldn't force you to go. Lay down the law with him. If he doesn't tell her whats up, then you and your son won't go. And with the other holiday stuff, just tell hubby its just ya'll this year. Its not fair to stress out on holidays and bow down to a cranky old lady who hurts your son's feelings.

Answer 5

You may get along with her but you need to tell her that if she cannot give your child a gift as good as she does for the others then she need not come around for Christmas because that has got to rip your sons heart out when she does that and that would not fly with me. I have been in your shoes and I told my mother in law that if you can buy nice things for one ,you need to do it for the rest and until you can just dont get anything. She may not realize what she is doing or how it makes your child feel so you just need to let her know.

Answer 6

Oh bull you don't like her and she doesn't respect you. I have the same problem with mine and after 12 years of it I finally had it. I haven't been there in 5 years and my kids haven't been in 4 years they don't want to go and I don't make them. I feel that I take care of my children all year I'll be damned if someone else who disrespects them and treats them indifferent is going to spend Christmas with them. So my kids and I do something fun with each other after doing the family thing with my parents, and there is no stress for them or me. It's been great and I wished I would have done it years ago. The first year I was angry and felt a little guilty but I soon got over it and life is good, I actually look forward to it for once, daddy goes to his parents and the kids and i have a nice, relaxing, enjoyable Christmas that I cherish. Good Luck! It's your Christmas too.

Answer 7

I hate to see Christmas turn into an exercise in unfavorable gift comparison. BUT, I think you should be ready for her Christmas present order -- er, um, "request" -- with a little list of your own: things you are hoping she'll get your son. Have five, tell her two or three would be more than lovely.

It may be that she just can't shop for boys or doestn't get the same kick from it. Either way, keep the faith.

Answer 8

Let's be diplomatic. Say her that most of all Christmas is for a love, especially between family members and not for looking who will get more expensive gift and you have a request to establish some amount like $50.00 per gift per person and this way nobody would feel hurt. Ask other members of family how they see it before.

Answer 9

I agree approximately staying abode. while our babies have been little we've been continually on the line for trip journeys until sooner or later we observed the insanity of all of it. We had one set of mom and dad 7 hours away and yet another 8 hours away and the two needed visits. I undergo in innovations one 8 hour trip with a sick and vomiting 2 twelve months previous. That grew to become into the commencing up of the tip for journeys. stay abode! Set barriers!

Answer 10

The only thing that makes sense to me is to talk to her directly. Your husband is obviously not going to do it. You have every right to bring this up to her, and you should stick up for yourself and your family. If you want to be with your folks at Christmas, then do it.
I had similar issues with my ex's family, but I put an end to it by switching Holidays. One year with mine, the next with his. We did this with Thanksgiving too, so the year we were his family for Thanksgiving we would spend Christmas with my family, then the next year swap. The kids never missed out on presents from everyone, they just got them on another day so Christmas for them was actually spread out over several days and they liked that.
Good Luck!