Heartbroken at Christmas?

Question

My fiance just told me that he will be spending xmas ever at his ex-wife's house so he can be there in the morning for xmas for their 2 children. He said he wants xmas to always seem normal for the kids (this is only their 2nd xmas divorced and I wasn't in the picture then). He never wants them to have to celebrate xmas in 2 different days bc they are divorced. I understand that his kids are his priority but I am still devastated that I won't be with him during this time. I will be spending the time by myself. Am I being selfish feeling this way?

I wasn't very clear. He is spending the night/sleeping over on xmas. I will be spending xmas alone. We live 10 minutes from them.

Answer 1

Yes

Answer 2

That's a toughie. Until you have kids of your own, you won't understand what it's like to make decisions that are best for them. Sorry. If this is what they think is best for their children, then you have to respect that.

Oops, didn't realize he was spending the night, NO No No, that is not right. Going over early Christmas morning is one thing, staying over is another. That's going too far.
Put an end to this one way or another or you'll be hurt more in the future

Answer 3

no you're not selfish ... u just simply want to spend christmas with him... however i do not think he should stay with his ex wife- why dont u go with them i mean u will be a part of the family ... is he tryin to say you'll never be able to see his children open their gifts that u prolly bought them also? ... if u live in the same town have him drive over at 5 in the morning to make sure he is there on time for presents! or if u live out of town get a hotel nearby so u can spend christmas with him also! One day these children will be your step children you deserve to see them open their presents also. if u and the wife dont get along then it looks like for the sake of the holiday and the children you will have to get along for just one day .. for a few hours! If its your fiancee who doesnt want you there for fear of ruining the holiday celebration ... then give him back his ring and find a new man who cares about you just as much as others in his life.

Answer 4

Sounds like you may have jumped into this picture a bit soon before they had things more sorted out.
This would be a huge "red flag" for me in this relationship.
Do you really want to be in the middle of this drama?
I think if I were you I would be looking for someone who didn't have quite this much baggage.

If I were his ex, no way would I allow him to horn in on my holiday--they are just a bit too chummy for divorcees if you ask me.
This kind of stuff will continue to be a problem--what will happen if/when you two marry and have children and he has to choose which kids to do Santa with, or will you all spend Christmas morning together like one big happy family?

This is creeping me out more the more I think about it---I think you should run, girl, GET OUT like in a bad horror movie!

Answer 5

i don't really think so
i think that its nice he wants to do this for his kids
however if he is staying the night..that's a little weird
unless they have a friendly and strictly friend basis relationship
if he wants to be there in the morn then he should go over really early...spend a few hours there then come to you or maybe bring his kids along so they have to Christmas's
its up to you to communicate with him and let him know your thoughts

or else jealousy and selfishness can cause problems in the future
and seeing your update
then you need to figure out why he is staying so long
i have a child and i wouldnt think it was natural if my sons father spent the night with me and left his new gf alone
especially since we both have moved on
i think you need to talk to him because this is an akward/strange thing hes doing
its different if its the night BEFORE xmas..but xmas day?
hmm.....

Answer 6

THAT'S RIDICULOUS. I don't understand people who start relationships with others and then expect them to understand when they are spending the night at the ex's house. I don't see why he can't just go early in the morning...
Further.. why can't he spend PART of the day with you.
If you are his fiance there absolutely MUST come a time when he's going to have to start a new life with you.
This is a serious issue that needs to be discussed before marriage IMHO.

Answer 7

No, I am sorry that you are hurting over this. I can see his side but I can also see yours as well. Why are you not invited? He is your fiance so eventually you will be married....what happens after that? Will you be separated on Christmas forever? He needs to put you in the equation because you do plan to be his wife... I am a parent so I know who much your children mean to you but you matter too. I hope he isn't stuck in the past and not allowing you into his present. Good luck to you and God bless you. I hope that you are not alone this Christmas. Pray on it.

Answer 8

It's normal to feel that way, so your feelings aren't wrong. However, you can't stop your fiance from seeing his children on Christmas-that's not right, because his children are his priority over *everyone* else.

You knew he had children (I'm assuming, since you are about to marry him) and you should take it as a *good thing* that he is there to support and love them. It's the sign of a good dad and a good man.

Answer 9

That is one of the down falls of having a relationship with a guy who has baggage. You may want to rethink committing yourself to him. What happens when you have kids together? Is he going to leave you and your child and go spend the night at the x's? Wow. What a bummer. I would move on and find a single man with no baggage. Marriage is hard enough at times with out all that added misery.

Answer 10

Man, that's hard.

I would probably give my blessing for this one...but ask how long he's going to keep this up and when/if you have children, how it will be handled.

You're not being selfish - you're being normal. It's hard not to feel slighted.

The kids are going to have to adapt - and they do if both parents work at it.