I'm confused and am trying to help this couple, the bride being my best friend for many years. I was with them from the day they met, to the day they became intimate (of which my friend shared just a little), to their wedding day. Now that they are entering their 6 years of marriage, she will be filling for divorce on the basis that the hub stopped sex totally after their wedding. Her story was, he was not in mood (stress, work etc) but I find it strange that its straight after wedding. The thing is, the hub is a private person, so no way that I can go ask him what happen. Her version of the story, I find it hard to believe too as it the past, she had lied before. But after meeting him, she's a change person.
How should I proceed with this. I really want to help them, somehow.
2007-11-08 16:05:44 · 22 answers · asked by asianprincess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks, i've stayed out of it for 3 years and guess you guys are right .. it is none of my business and there's nothing i can do than being supportive of my friend, whatever the outcome.
2007-11-08 16:58:10 · update #1
IF they are unwilling to get counselling, it is best they part way with "irreconcilable differences"
2007-11-08 16:10:26 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not too healthy to try to guess why the husband is acting the way he does. We could guess all day long and not be any clearer to the truth. There's way too much we don't know; I wouldn't trust the surface answers the wife is saying. They need to create an environment where they could share their feelings safely without getting into the "Blame Game." Robert S McGee's book, Search for Significance, is good on this. Marriage counseling is advisable. Is divorce more a threat/cry for help on the part of the wife? Or is she just giving up? Does she want to salvage the marriage? Is she willing to make changes in her own life to see that happen? We can't change others; just ourselves. However, we can create an environment where others will desire change, too.
Be a listening ear for your friend. As she hears you accurately listening to her feelings (by you sharing back to her what you hear and describing the emotions you know she must be feeling), she'll trust you more and will confide in you more transparently. Keep confidentiality. Nothing breaks trust more quickly than spreading gossip.
2007-11-08 16:24:56 · answer #2 · answered by srhamm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no clue as to where you are living but in the US, if the couple has not had sex at all after their wedding vows, they can get the marriage anulled. This is like they were never married. If they have had sex at least once in the first year, then she need to file for a divorce. Actually, he is gay. He only had sex with her to get her to marry him for looks in his job.
2007-11-08 16:10:29 · answer #3 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't solve their problem. They need to work it out. If one or both is not willing to make the effort to talk it through. This will likely require a counselor to keep things on track. They are unlikely to move forward on their own. They need someone both can trust to be sure their side is heard.
The first step would be to get your friend to talk to someone who could help her find a perspective for looking for a solution, and who could suggest a counselor. A family doctor, minister, school counselor or social worker would be good places to start asking for names.
2007-11-08 16:14:55 · answer #4 · answered by Winston 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of a married couple's business, It sounds like they have decided how to handle their situation.
They sure don't need another set of jaws flappin.
Let them do the divorce, then support your friend.
Incidentally, I found it hard to sex-up my wife the same way I sexed up my girlfriend (same person), still haven't quite figured it out!
Just so you know!
2007-11-08 16:12:36 · answer #5 · answered by Wine and Window Guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not fix it. Sounds like beating a dead horse. Leave it be and have your friend find someone more compatible.. Many men rush into marriage because they are gay and do not want to admit it.... maybe once he made the wrong move he felt he could not undo it.
2007-11-08 16:09:49 · answer #6 · answered by Kimberlee Ann 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its simple the wedding cake went to her thighs and now hes thinking how to get a divorce from this awful woman for cheap
2007-11-08 16:09:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to hear.. You cant or shouldnt involve yourself in this matter. Its private and you dont know the other side of the story.. Just support her in her choice and help keep her mind on other issues, dont dwell or discuss it unless she starts it.. goodluck!
2007-11-08 16:09:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mintee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't (and shouldn't) help them; it's a private matter between a husband and wife, and therefore not your business. But if I were guessing, I'd say it's possible he's gay, and only married her as a cover.
2007-11-08 16:09:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her file and leave. You have no business in theirs. You proceed by helping her get back on her feet , if you wish, but stay out of their business.
2007-11-08 16:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without hearing both sides of the story, it is difficult to help them. You can support your friend by asking, "How can I best help you through this difficult time?"
2007-11-08 16:09:32 · answer #11 · answered by TimWarneka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋