How do you handle a disrespectful & rebellious 14yr old child?

Question

She is 14, she is my step daugher, i FOUGHT for custody of her and have help raise her from birth, she is out of control with disrespect. Answers back, talks back, temper tantrums, mumbles, and has exuses for everthing, lies, sneaks. hte list goes on and on a typical teenager..... but iam a young mom, i have two girls, how do i change her ways? any advice? please if your giving advice, please at least have kids and preferably teenage girls?

I just want to ad that i am going nuts with the issues that sheis puting us thru, how do i get her to start listening, and stop the madness. i have tried ignoring it, being nicer than i am, being hard, now i am at the point wher as soon as she steps out of line I GROUND HER HARD... but i hate that... its not fair to me or her that way there has to be a better way and THERAPY is not the answer so dont offer i need a real solution... the real deal... has any one else experienced this? help me please?

I was able to get custody because the birth mother who was also my best friend of 20 years... was negligent and made really bad decisions, the court just felt that the child was healthier and safer with me, i mean she already considered me a mother to her, and she requested to live with me at the age of 4 the court investigated why and the birth mother was making crazy decisions for example: she would send my daughter out at the age of 8 to get fried chicken and mash patatoes in JAMAICA QUEENS NY now for those of you who DO NOT KNOW THE AREA well you would nto want to be caught dead there much less alive, 8 yrs old and ALONE! yes she sent her to the store about 13 blocks away at 10:30 at night to buy her food, when she could have went herself... antoher example... my daughter was rushed ot the hospital for swalling pennies and one being stuck ont he roof of her mouth at the age of 5 where was the mother? in the nextg room having sex with a guy she just met... nonsense!

Answer 1

Obviously her family is dysfunctional if you, as her step-mother, was able to get custody. Has she ever had counseling to deal with the problems? You just have to be patient. My step-daughter was 15 and my step-son 14 when I met my husband and they were absolutely HORRID at first, but by the time we got married a year later they both wanted to be in our wedding. Their mom died when they were 5 & 6 years old and her side of the family was trying to get them to break us up so they were being pulled in several different directions. Now that they are adults their mom's side of the family is out of our lives for good and they are MUCH happier.
Talk to her about her bahavior. Tell her that you want to help her. Even if she did have a bad childhood she still needs discipline. When she lies, has a tantrum (Which most kids grow out of by age 5), sneaks out, etc, take away privleges, like no TV, Computer, phone, etc. She needs to know that you mean business.

Answer 2

Act like an adult. Your gangster-style writing doesn't mean you deserve to be treated like that, but it doesn't make him feel bad to disrespect you. If he is as bad of a punk that I am imagining based on your description, then I would suggest you to take him to a scared straight program, and drop him off there until he gets his attitude under control. Don't allow hip hop in the house. Allow only respectable music that doesn't glorify acting like a douche. Burn all his gangster style clothing and force him to dress respectable. Of he is able to harm you, then get a taser. Use it whenever you have to (when he is threatening you). If you don't feel safe at all, drop him off in foster care. Let him know that becoming terrible will make him lose his safe haven, and that living in your house is a priviledge for him, not a right. If he wants to enjoy living with family, he better appreciate it.

Answer 3

Read, "The New Strong Willed Child" " The New Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson. "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl.

This child need intervention and now! Maybe boot camp.

Answer 4

Yes , there is a way, love + talk A WAIT WAIT PLEASE, DON'T DELETE MY MESSAGE... I KNOW WHHAT YOU ARE THINING JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE. first thing i want you to ask yourself (deep inside you) : DO I REALLY LOVE HER? is it exactly like I do love my daughter? or the answer is well...i would be nice...but she acts naughty...she deserves to be kicked . Did you ever put your self in her situation that as a kid (yes14 years is still a kid and irrational and needs a lot of time to understand) WHO DOESN'T LIVE WITH HER MOM (OR MAYBE LOST HER I don't know) HOW would she must endure. who much she is feeling scared. I know she screams, she yells, she answers badly, but you know what.... all this is a sheild she is putting around her thinking like that she is protecting herself. SO IF YOU FINALLY FIND THE ANSWER IS YES I DO LOVE HER, Then think of her as you think of your daughter when they are feeling scared or alone. think how much you will be passient when she is not... how much you must be strong when you find her weak and how much you will struggle to protect her and prevent her lost when she is fighting to get away from you. This girl who may not be from your own flesh and blood needs you, of course she doesn't realize that, may be she will know it when she is 22. but till then it may be your mission to help her till she stands on her feet. i'm sure if something happens to her (like we hear on news for teens who lost their lives because they got so desperate and they didn't find love) this will kill you inside. be her friend, start doing this by giving her respect and not doing things that may heart her feelings. I know it may sound silly but yes we parents many times do things that really upset our kids. so for the following few days try to avoid confrontations. after that invite her to talk , both of you alone in a quite place, you can even buy her something she wished to have. and listen till the end. prepare your self that during this talk she may shout yell and be angry but remember YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THE SITUATON NOT HER. with great diplomacy find a way. if it doesn't work well at least it showed her at least you care. try again then few days later. ONE LAST THING: DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE CONSIDER YOU A PARENT? YES SHE JUST SAID MY PARENTS HATE ME. she thinks you hate her but thought she said my parents. she is in struggle that when she needs you the most, she feels you hate her. TRY TO END THIS MEETING WITH HER BY LETTING HER CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER. YOU DO IT , SHE WILL BE YOUR DAUGHTER FOR EVER.

Answer 5

Why were you able to get custody? Was the family dysfunctional?
Maybe she needs to get into contact with her birth mother, maybe that would help her issues...

Answer 6

if your kids old enough for her age then tell them to convince her. make them to be friends with her that gain her that you are trusting her. that makes a lot of difference in her life. try to change her by whoever she is close with. love her more that create guilty in her mind and when she try to do bad thing again guilty of how much you love her make change her decision.

Answer 7

Send her to boot camp, honey.
End of story.

Answer 8

purchase a lock for her door and lock her OUT of her room...if she wants a clean outfit for school the next day she can behave herself...when her behavior improves she can have her room back, believe me this will work!