I would like to go out once in a while, for a couple of hours (not drinking or anything--dead set against driving drunk)....just to shoot pool, or to go roller skating or something of the sort. Just time away from the house.
But my fiance makes a big deal of it...."I have things to do, I can't be at home with the kids, etc, etc."....to try and make me stay home. But HE never seems to have a problem finding time to go out....
2007-11-08 12:38:50 · 11 answers · asked by Ms. GTO 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
precious....I can't take kids to my mom's (she is deceased), and the rest of my family lives about 2 hours away.
2007-11-08 12:50:51 · update #1
My ex always did that, too. He never actually SAID I couldn't go but he would just be unavailable to watch the kids or would be late coming home, etc. But he also went out if he wanted to. It's control in the passive-aggressive sense. He is purposely not forbidding you, that way you can't hold it against him and he can say, "I never said you couldn't." He's just making it impossible. It's unfair and it is him trying to control you. You need to put your foot down and it needs to stay down. If he won't watch the kids, take them to your mom's house. Don't do what I did and decide it's too much of a bother to deal with. That's also called "giving up." And giving up gives HIM control. Then you will be left all alone in the house while he does whatever the f_ck he wants and comes home whenever he wants because he is safely assured you are not going anywhere.
2007-11-08 12:49:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not too much to ask. I told my husband sometimes I need time away from the house and the kids. Sometimes I go out with my friend for a couple hours (I don't drink at all). And once he even rented me a nice hotel room in our town so I could have a night all alone. It was nice to have some quiet time and a hot shower with no kids walking in on me. Plus I got the whole bed to myself!
2007-11-08 20:48:17 · answer #2 · answered by honeybear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If he declines to watch the kids while you go out for a couple hours, then tell him next time he decides to go out, you're calling a babysitter and then you're going for a time out too. And it's perfectly okay to go out on your own for a couple hours - meet up with a couple girlfriends and go have coffee, visit the mall, take in a movie...the bf can't deal with it, you better think long and hard whether you want to spend your life with such an insecure control freak...
2007-11-08 22:58:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set up a schedule where you both know when you can go out and when you can't. Split the going out time. Also, make time for you both to go out together, where you find an actual babysitter to come over and care for the kids.
You must get away once in awhile. It is not healthy to always be the 'sacrificer'. You will grow to resent it and resent him for allowing it to happen.
Do not set yourself up to always be the doormat. You deserve better than that and you know it.
2007-11-08 20:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by pink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the exact same way and I am in your situation, my family is about 3 hours away and I have no one to help me at all. His mother refuses to watch our kids because they are not her favorites. (Which is her loss because I have wonderful, well-behaved, smart kids(3)). I didn't know this side of him before we married. If the kids aren't his and you still aren't married think long and hard because it will NEVER get any better. If you want to try to make things better you will have to lay down the law and lay it down HARD. He can't go out, he can't do anything. If you make his life hard, he will either run or change. Good luck and God bless.
2007-11-08 21:52:55 · answer #5 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'If he won't agree to stay home and look after the children, then find a babysitter yourself & arrange to go out.
Explain to your fiance where your going / when you'll be back / who you're going with - and then go.
Once you've done it once he may see its not a threat to your relationship - but you have to show him you are serious not just nagging him about it and never going to follow through.
2007-11-08 20:46:22 · answer #6 · answered by **))** 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look carefully at this pattern and admit to yourself that it is not going to change after the wedding.
Nothing you can ever say or do will change him.
Good luck.
2007-11-08 20:42:59 · answer #7 · answered by box of rain 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You put your foot down now, and tell him you are going out. Don`t let him control you like this, it spells huge trouble down the road! Be who you are , and STAND your ground!
2007-11-08 20:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make him understand that you got a life too... you need a breath of fresh air once in a while... for a relationship to work you must work as a team.... give and take...
2007-11-08 20:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just go. Or are you waiting for permission?
OR, if he won't let you go out, invite the 'girls' (about 20 of them) to your house for a little chat.
2007-11-08 20:43:43 · answer #10 · answered by hexeliebe 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋