Need some Christian advise about divorce.......... please help me!?

Question

okay......... I have been married to a man who is abusive both emotionally and physically........ I have dreampt all my life of being a wife and mommy and really do want to do what God wants. We have separated once before and I took him back. I have seen God work in his life but then he went back to all of this anger and then even began hurting me in the night while I slept!! We are separated again now and have been for a while. I just do not know what to do........ God hates divorce right? Well gosh.. Ido not want to be alone for the rest of my life... I have a love in my heart to give (that he never wanted from me) and my heart needs to be loved..... do I just wait and see what happens? Do I continue to show love and grace to him? I have little girls depending on me... he has hurt them too... he is angry and calls me ungodly........ I hope that is not true. If I divorce, can I ever remarry? I am 32 and have my whole heart to give! What would God tell me?

Answer 1

Please, please listen. While I believe that people divorce for trivial reasons, yours isn't trivial. He is not being a Godly husband. Christ says that your husband is to treat you like Christ treated the church. He broke your covenant. He broke your vows that you made before God.

Your daughters will think this is the way a man is supposed to treat his wife - and are likely to fall into the same situation as you. Do you want this for them?

You say he is hurting them now. You need to protect God's children - don't you think He's hurting for them now? Do you think that He wants you and your children to hurt like this? Honestly - do you think He wants that for your life?

My Mother-in-Law left her abusive husband the first time he hit one of their children. It was hard in so many ways, but I'm thankful. My husband would NOT be the man he is today if my MIL had stayed married. He would most likely be an abusive, angry man. My MIL remarried (and has been happily married now for...30+ years) to a wonderful man who showed my husband what a real man/husband/father is.

Do the same for your girls - do it for you. You have an opportunity to change so many lives here - yours, your children's and their children in the future.

He broke your vows. You are free to find someone that will love you like God wants you to be loved.

Yes, there are people who divorce for silly reasons and I'm sure God hurts for them. But think of it this way - He is your Father in Heaven: As a Mother, what would you tell your children? Stay or leave?

There are men out there who are wonderful - please allow God to work wonders in your life.

Answer 2

I share your pain. I was in an abusive relationship as well and we were separated 5 different times over 6 years. We were apart more than we were together. She would repent and ask for forgiveness and we would come back together only to have that last for at the most a month or so. Then it would break loose again and so on and so on. I spent more than 10K in counseling for us together and separately. Cried my eyes out so many times. Left my home so many times. I wanted so desperately to give her another chance again and again but it didn't change. The only difference between you and me is that she had an affair with two people over the course of 2.5 years. I tried to forgive that too. I too wanted to do what was right before the Lord and struggled for six years. Finally I realized that she was not going to change WITH me. I was getting in the way of what only God could do in her life. We have been divorced since February and it has been very difficult because I still wonder what if??? Bottom line is you can only change you. Stay separated until you SEE a solid change in behavior over a long period of time. Set boundaries and protect yourself. Don't divorce yet. Stay away and see if he is willing to work hard and change. There is something inside him that is broken. I am sure he doesn't want to treat you that way. He hates what he does but doesn't know how to stop. He needs help and he needs Jesus. I know your pain very well. There were so many things I loved about my ex wife. So MANY! But the rage was killing me, my kids, my family, my friends and especially my relationship with the Lord. Don't let that happen to you. Stay close to Jesus. He will see you through.

If she had not had the affairs I would still be married to her but separated.

Don't give up.

Answer 3

You have every right, religiously or otherwise, to get rid of this guy! He says he doesn't know if he can change? He doesn't want to change, so you need to make the change, for yourself. This is easier said than done, but you move on by finding a reputable and affordable lawyer, packing up your stuff, and getting out. Once you’re out, stay out. When he realizes you’re serious, he’s going to try and play on your emotions, saying anything he can think of to get back in your good graces. Fall for none of it! Let it go in one ear and push it right out of the other, as fast as possible. Men like him don’t change, no matter who they’re with. He's a lost cause, don't try trusting him anymore. He's not worth your time or your trust. Since you don’t have children, there is nothing holding him to you, or you to him. This could also be dangerous for you, in that his ego has been wounded, and he might decide to harm you in some way, to get back at you for leaving him. Learn to protect yourself, whether you learn some form of martial arts, or getting a dog, or getting a gun, I can’t stress this enough, find a way to protect yourself! You rebuild your trust in people slowly, one minute at a time. You're 28, so you will have a family one day, with someone who is worthy of your love and your trust. When you're ready, take your time in the new relationship. Be sure that you're ready for a new relationship before you get into one. Check into counseling for yourself so that when a new guy comes along, you'll be able to open your heart to him, without dragging this baggage behind you. Now that you know what you will and won’t accept in a relationship, you’ll be fine.

Answer 4

God bless your sweet heart. It saddens me that women go though this. I myself was in an abusive relationship. I think you should get a divorce because he is abusing you and your children. I do believe god will forgive you. God has a forgiving heart he knows what you all are going through. You have a good heart and you will marry again. I believe really good loving and caring people do find love. I left my guy and pray for a good man to enter my family's life. Staying in an abused relationship is not good for you or your children. My best friend of 13 years was abused her whole life. Because of her father now she is 28 and has 3 dui's and her life is such a mess. I don't want your children to end up like that. I have 3 girls and I left their dad to protect them. I didn't want my daughter's growing up think a man should treat them that way. You are very young and you can have a better life. I hope this helps GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU.

Answer 5

I feel that if you don't get out,you'll be in worse problems than a divorce could cause!You've tried 2 times and you have kids to think about first.God will forgive you for that if you just ask and will understand too.Talk to a minister if you need to get some answers and some support.Otherwise,I'd get out with the kids before there's more hurt done on all of you.Good luck and God bless!

Answer 6

Remarry isn't this 1 enough to think about>If he treats you like you say best to end it and live alone>Ask God for help to survive this moment don't think he wants you being abused> There is no love dependence>Make a choice like it is or leave>If you don't have a place to go there are shelters for abused women & children> This is no place for your children to live or they will grow up thinking that this is the way to be treated>Best of luck>

Answer 7

Hon, god couldn't care less about your puny little life, nor mine, divorce or no divorce. If he didn't answer the prayers of 6 million in the Holocaust, praying for their very lives, why would you even consider he'd have any thoughts about you? Get real.

You and you alone are the creator of your destiny (as my mama said, "god helps them who help themselves")... but from this posting, you appear to be more wrapped up in things of little importance. If your husband is abusive, leave. Then get some counseling to figure out why your self esteem is so low that this is all you think you are worth.

If marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, you don't have it for this guy. Here are the four little things my mom began hammering into my head when I was 13. Notice, they have nothing to do with god, and everything to do with choices.

1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart. n(you goofed on this one, huh!)
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.

Answer 8

Girl, boy do our situations sound just alike, i have 2 little girls, although my husband isnt physically abusive he is very much so emotionally.. I am a christian, I feel that yes God doesnt ever say divorse is alright, unless there has been any unfaithfullness! BUT... he also says if the un-believer leaves let him leave.. God isnt ok with divorse, but God also tells us to use our common sense.. If he has hurt your little girls, you need to be out of there faster than anything.. Infact I believe in your case you allowing yourself and the precious gifts that God gave to you, to be harmed that God is condeming that, way over would he you leaving and protecting yourself! YOU NEED to get out of there, you'll be suprised what a strong woman you can be! I'm so dependent on my husband, and God has given me so much strength and so much help, now that I am out of the marriage! Please get out of that Marriage, it's one thing to let yourself get hurt it's another to let your children get hurt! GOD GAVE YOU COMMON SENSE for a reason! GOOD LUCK! AND ALSO, DONT WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT GETTING REMARRIED GOD GIVES SECOND CHANCES!!!

Answer 9

Are the two of you covenant spouses? This is an important question. If the question is no, then you may divorce. If the question is yes, then no you can't divorce. Jesus also said that remarriage is adultery, so you can't divorce your covenant spouse and marry again. If however, this man is not your covenant spouse and this was the first time you got maried, then you may divorce and marry someone who was never married before or a widow. See the link below for a clearer explanation...If you have questions, feel free to email me.

Answer 10

You do what is right for yourself and your children. Do not stay in an abusive relationship. You do not have to divorce to get away from him. Get a legal seperation and get away from him.

Tell him that if he wants you back he needs to go to anger management, get counseling, and until you are convinced that he will NOT EVER hurt you again, that you are NOT going back to him.

If the abuse is escalating the chances of him accidentally killing you is getting higher and higher. Who will raise your kids once your gone? Think abou them, not him. God will understand. Get out of there ... NOW.